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Old 04-14-2012, 09:44 AM   #1
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Default What do you do when

Your friend insist you eat something?

My friends know I am changing my life style and that I am not eating the same things I used to. I am also eating a lot less than what I used to. My method is calorie counting and I try and stay in 1,600 calories a day.

Yesterday, I was hanging out with a friend I have no seen in a long time and we were talking about my weight loss. Well, after a few moments, he disappeared and came back with some chocolate covered peanut butter candies (which, I don't even LIKE chocolate covered peanut butter anyway!) and tried to give me one. I told him, no thank you, I am not hungry and I do not like those.

He sat there, whined, wheedled and needled at me until I ate one. It was gross, over sweet, not delicious but most of all it pissed me off. He knows I am trying to lose weight, I told him I did not want one and yet wouldn't stop until I finally freaking ate one. Since it had been so long since I have seen him, I didn't want to make it into a big deal and storm off.

However, he is not my only friend that will push food (especially candy, cookies, and desserts in general) on me when they know I am dieting. I say no, repeatedly, and it turns into a huge deal with them angry at my refusing and MY angry at their insistence.

While yesterday didn't really hurt my calories (I still have 400 left) but I didn't want to use those since I wasn't hungry.

So I guess, this whole rant, is asking what do I do? How to I make my friends respect my "NO thank you, I am not hungry/it's not in my calories/I don't eat food like that anymore/etc" without turning it into a huge deal? I don't want my lifestyle change to become this huge issue between all of us but I am not willing to give it up.

Any advice or anyone who has dealt with similar issues would be fantastic.

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Old 04-14-2012, 10:13 AM   #2
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Don't eat it.If they absolutely will not take no for an answer , take it and say you will save it for later. You can throw it away ot give it away.
But do not let them wheedle you into it, once you do that they know you will cave.
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Old 04-14-2012, 10:13 AM   #3
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That's a difficult situation. Especially if your friends are not used to you standing up to them which it sort of sounds like. They seem to have no regard for what you want. I think it's time you make them respect your boundaries and just seriously discuss it with them when they do it again.

Just tell them you don't feel respected as a person, that they think they know what you should do better than you do yourself. That you also don't feel supported by their behavior and that your health is more important to you than eating just because it's the more "social" thing to do.

That's all I can think of, seriously explain that they are crossing a line, it sounds like a small thing, offering candy, but the way they insist makes it into something bigger: disrespect for you.

Goodluck! I know how hard it can be. It's already difficult to not take something that's offered, even harder having to turn it down several times. After I argued about it with my mom a few times she finally seems to get it and sees how important it is to me. She respects that now.

Last edited by philana; 04-14-2012 at 10:14 AM.
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Old 04-14-2012, 10:51 AM   #4
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If I'm dealing with a person who won't take no for an answer about food (my mom is especially bad), then I usually either say "Maybe I'll have one later!" and they typically don't bring it up again or if they still push, say "I'll take one and save it for later" and throw it away discreetly, like what bargoo said.

I hate wasting food so throwing it away is a last resort but I'd rather throw it out than treat my stomach like a garbage can by putting junk food into it.
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Old 04-14-2012, 11:21 AM   #5
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Just politely say "I am not eating that. I have come too far to throw it away on one crappy piece of candy. Thanks, though."
I find that the ppl in my life who are the worst about sabotage are the ones who are the skinniest. My friend had some pineapply cream cheese whipped cream thing her mom made the other day. I looked at it because I couldn't figure out what it was. She told me while saying "ohhhhh it's soooo good." Ok that's great. I went to go around her and she was shoving it in my face and saying "just try a bite one bite try it try it try it." Eventually she just shoved a bite in my mouth while it was open. Gee, thanks. It wasn't disgusting, but I really had no urge to eat any. She is always making food and saying things like "it's not that bad. It only has eggs, flour and sugar and a little bit of oil in it. (cake) It also has whipped cream instead of buttercream icing." Um hello- do you hear what you are saying? Of course she is the kind of person who eats all kinds of crap,drinks only soda, smokes, abhors exercise, and is still wearing a bikini well into her 40's. Because she only eats 2 bites of everything. Just stand your ground, and eventually they will get the point. It is customary to offer someone food in a social situation. It doesn't have to be eaten. You just have to make your boundaries clear.
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Old 04-14-2012, 11:26 AM   #6
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I'd take it in stride and refuse. If pressed and if it was a good friend, I'd call them out on it and ask why they were pressing me to do something that they know I don't want to do.
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Old 04-14-2012, 12:09 PM   #7
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IMO I don't think they realize what they're doing. My boyfriend is naturally skinny and he does the same thing to me all the time, but b/c he's my boyfriend I can tell him to cut it off. However, I've realized that b/c he's always been thin and his eating habits have been relatively healthy most of his life, that he doesn't understand how those habits of an overweight person's are. For me at least, when I'm asked to take a bite of something that's bad for me it just ends up in a downward spiral of overeating; however if I abstain and treat myself occasionally and listen to my body's hunger signals I won't end up overeating. In all I don't think they realize that the way they eat being thin is different from how we used to eat being overweight and that we're trying to reprogram our ways of eating. If I were you I would be like "Listen I've worked very hard for these results and I don't want to sabotage myself just because of a sweet, sorry"

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Old 04-14-2012, 12:22 PM   #8
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I've done Riesz's suggestion and it's worked wonderfully because most people will just forget you never had some. You can even lie and say you did if questioned about it later on.

I've resorted to yelling at people who get in my face though. I've yelled at my fiance's parents, my own parents, friends, family, etc. They finally leave me alone now.

My fiance is also mostly supportive, but sometimes just doesn't get it (how could he? He's never had a weight problem in his life). He gave me some Godiva chocolate as an early birthday gift. I don't mind this; I don't have issues with sweets that a lot of people do and I'm good at having one and that's it. I looked at the calorie count for it and found that one piece was about 50 calories. My fiance said "really? You don't need to check, just enjoy it!" I said "you wouldn't understand." He said I should just relax again and I said "do you like the way I look now?" He said "of course!" and I said "Then shut up." And thus that was the end of the conversation

Another thing I've heard people doing is taking the treat and then throwing it away in front of the person. I plan to resort to this if I ever need to.

Last edited by sontaikle; 04-14-2012 at 12:23 PM.
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Old 04-14-2012, 12:45 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by sontaikle View Post
I looked at the calorie count for it and found that one piece was about 50 calories. My fiance said "really? You don't need to check, just enjoy it!" I said "you wouldn't understand." He said I should just relax again and I said "do you like the way I look now?" He said "of course!" and I said "Then shut up." And thus that was the end of the conversation

HAHA! This just cracks me up. Good for you!

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Old 04-14-2012, 12:51 PM   #10
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Next time you see him, force feed him some brussel sprouts. See how much he likes it .
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Old 04-14-2012, 02:00 PM   #11
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i havent had this happen because my friends tend to respect my choices. If i were in this situation, after i'd said no a couple times i would make a big deal about it, id tell them that i really truely do not want it and if they don't stop disrespecting my choice and continue pressuring me i will leave because i don't need that crap. And if they dont stop i would leave. Once they learn you are serious they will either stop, or they will have proven what kind of friend they really are.
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Old 04-14-2012, 02:02 PM   #12
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You just have to keep fighting them. Either they'll learn and stop pestering you, or you'll learn to tune them out. It's sad, a lot of people go through this when dieting. I have a guy friend who is VERY aggressive about it, which is funny because he's been encouraging me to lose weight for years. Go figure. On a side note, I'm also doing 1600 calories a day. I've been at the for almost a year and have been fairly successful. I have a friend who recently started dieting (she doesn't have much to lose, probably 20lbs at the most) and when I said I was doing 1600 she acted flabbergasted. She said she's doing 1100 and gave me this "How can you eat that much food" look. I was kind of hurt. Obviously what I'm doing is working....why do people try to diet for us?
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Old 04-14-2012, 02:38 PM   #13
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I would never let someone force me to eat something. One adult should not try to force another adult to eat something they do not want.
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Old 04-14-2012, 02:40 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by ValRock View Post
Next time you see him, force feed him some brussel sprouts. See how much he likes it .
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Old 04-14-2012, 03:27 PM   #15
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yeah - former brother-in-law literally grabbed a handful of cake and tried to forcibly shove it in my mouth. i told him you ever do that again, i'm taking your hand off at the wrist.

if they get mad because you're refusing, let them - that's their issue, not yours. if it ends the friendship, there again, it's their choice - they're basically telling you "you can only be my friend if you act in the way i have outlined for you" in which case, who needs them.

sometimes what works for me is "you know, i am a bit hungry. i could murder a tossed salad if you have one otherwise i'll just pop out and grab some and be right back. did you want?".

Last edited by threenorns; 04-14-2012 at 03:27 PM.
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