[my2cats]

I hardly have any experience dating but recently have been asked out by two guys, within 24 hours of each other (!). I went on first dates with both of them this week. They both went well and we're making plans to see each other again...

I feel weird about this a bit. On the one hand, I hardly know either of them and there's no expectation of commitment so it shouldn't matter - I wouldn't be upset if I heard they were going on other dates (as long as they weren't in a serious or committed relationship with someone else already).

But at what point does it become weird?

Also, they are in my same group of friends and we're all going to be hanging out tomorrow. I am freaking out a little because I don't want it to be awkward - I'm not trying to hide them from each other and if asked would tell them I was dating other people, but I can see it being a weird surprise if this comes up in a group discussion tomorrow.

Any advice? Am I screwing this up? I like them both a bit but I'm not head over heels with either, and I'm just not sure. They are both genuinely nice people, but I don't really feel much of a spark. I feel like I'm spending the date concentrating on being fun and attentive (and I think, succeeding), but not forgetting myself and having a great time. Honestly my metric is if the person can make me LAUGH. I'm very easy to laugh to smooth conversation and build rapport but if someone can truly surprise me with a witty or understated remark that is instantly a huge attractor. I'm not feeling that here.. but I think both of these guys are also pretty shy, so it could just be nerves, and I'm entirely sympathetic to that as I can be shy myself.

I don't know if my expectations are too high, but I'd like to get to know them a little better before making a decision... and yet I'm not sure when I've turned into some kind of "player".

So weird to be asking dating advice, I have no romantic experience.

Also I've never had to turn a guy down or break up with them. Ack. I don't even know how to do that and am terrified.

TL;DR: Dating is confusing.

[sgregg]

Oh my...unfortunately, I have no good advise for you, but I understand what you mean. I think as long as you were up front with the guys and let them know that you aren't just dating one person at a time then it shouldn't be a problem. I have never done the "dating" thing. I would just meet someone and then date that one person until it became more serious, so I am no help...I'm sorry.

[philana]

Oh my, quite a predicament you are in! hihi.
I am no dating hero either, but my 2 cents anyhow. I always look at how I would feel about it when 'done to me'. And I really wouldn't be bothered to know some one I am dating is also dating some one else. It would be weird if I felt like it's turning into more than just casual meeting-up and getting to know eachother (like uhm.. se.x.) and the person I am dating is also exploring that side of another person. Obviously it is an important factor in determining wether the attraction is really there but I would see that as more serious already.

So depending on when you feel like your dating becomes more serious, there will be a point where you have to chose. Being open to the people involved is important so I think you'd best inform the 2 friends because it is SUPER akward if they 'find out' in a group setting. Even when you feel like you are not hiding the fact, it could seem like you are. So maybe just call them both and explain how it's akward for you too but that you think at this phase you can both be dating other people untill you figure out if it's heading somewhere or not.

[jerzygal]

Haha! I don't think you're a player. Don't worry.

You'd probably know if you were really feeling it, but it can't hurt to go on a few more dates and see if it gets better with either one of them. It doesn't seem to me like you're hiding anything from either guy. I would just keep planning follow-up dates and acting casual and normal. If you start really liking one more than the other, then you can figure out what to do about telling the other guy.

I know that's not really tangible advice, but I'd say just take this day by day until having to spill the beans becomes an issue. For now just have fun!

[MiZTaCCen]

Originally Posted by my2cats

I hardly have any experience dating but recently have been asked out by two guys, within 24 hours of each other (!). I went on first dates with both of them this week. They both went well and we're making plans to see each other again...

I feel weird about this a bit. On the one hand, I hardly know either of them and there's no expectation of commitment so it shouldn't matter - I wouldn't be upset if I heard they were going on other dates (as long as they weren't in a serious or committed relationship with someone else already).

But at what point does it become weird?

Also, they are in my same group of friends and we're all going to be hanging out tomorrow. I am freaking out a little because I don't want it to be awkward - I'm not trying to hide them from each other and if asked would tell them I was dating other people, but I can see it being a weird surprise if this comes up in a group discussion tomorrow.

Any advice? Am I screwing this up? I like them both a bit but I'm not head over heels with either, and I'm just not sure. They are both genuinely nice people, but I don't really feel much of a spark. I feel like I'm spending the date concentrating on being fun and attentive (and I think, succeeding), but not forgetting myself and having a great time. Honestly my metric is if the person can make me LAUGH. I'm very easy to laugh to smooth conversation and build rapport but if someone can truly surprise me with a witty or understated remark that is instantly a huge attractor. I'm not feeling that here.. but I think both of these guys are also pretty shy, so it could just be nerves, and I'm entirely sympathetic to that as I can be shy myself.

I don't know if my expectations are too high, but I'd like to get to know them a little better before making a decision... and yet I'm not sure when I've turned into some kind of "player".

So weird to be asking dating advice, I have no romantic experience.

Also I've never had to turn a guy down or break up with them. Ack. I don't even know how to do that and am terrified.

TL;DR: Dating is confusing.

It never becomes weird unless you make it weird. Trust me as long as you're up front and honest with people about it all it should be fine. If one of the guys starts being all pissy about it because you are dating other people then thats his problem, you are not his girlfriend, he hasn't commited to you. Just go with the flow and try not to over analyze and think so much on it. Besides they're bound to find out because you went on a date with both of these guys, now you're hanging out with them in a group unless they ignore you. They are going to find out.

A player is someone who hides who he/she is dating. Has stupid lines to make the other person want them more but has no intentions of settling down with them. A player is a lair and a sleezebag. You my dear are not

Turning down a guy is easy, do it on facebook or text message. LOL jk!! Just be honest if you don't see it going anywhere. If you only see the guy as a friend say that. Communication and honesty are two of the hardest things to do when dating or seeing someone. But they are the two more affective ones for a successful relationship!

Just enjoy the dates and the attention you'll be fine! You're single thats the whole fun part about being single. you worry about yourself and not other people because you come number 1! Enjoy it!

[krampus]

Sorry to be a downer here, but I really don't recommend dating within your group of friends unless you are 100% certain that it won't make things awkward for everyone else...especially if the 2 guys are friends with each other, that cannot possibly end well if one of them "wins" and dates you seriously and the other is rejected.

Unrelated...is Donna your favorite assistant? I'm pretty darn loyal to Rose myself.