There is probably already a thread on this, but I just need to get this out. I am so much more judgmental of my body now than I was before. There are times when I can be objective, and I know I look good(ish), but more often I look in the mirror and I see this huge girl staring back at me. I never felt so down on myself when I weighed so much more. Will I ever be happy with how I look? I'm afraid I am still going to feel this way when I get to my goal weight.
You probably will to be honest if you don't change your negative attitude towards yourself. It's not just physical it's also mental and if you can't fix the mentally of it all along side you are never going to be happy.
Everyone has this perception of when I get "thin" I'll love myself. When I get "thin" people will love me...majority of the time when I get "thin" it's still all the same negative thoughts that I had when I was fat. Why? Because you didn't bother to work on the mental part of it all as well.
So You stare at yourself in the mirror thinking you're that same girl at your heaviest because you didn't bother to work on the inside of yourself. I pesonally don't know how at 5'9 and being 157 pounds you look at yourself and think you're fat? I'm 5'5 and my goal is to get to 140 pounds and I know I'm going to look amazing. **** at 165 I look damn good and even when I hit one 150 I'm still going to look good maybe I pack it on differently, or maybe I just learn to love myself in ever stage I get to and as I get lower and lower in my weight continue to love myself even more. Don't get me wrong I have thoughts where I'm negative and it sucks and sometimes I can see myself in the mirror and think I look amazing...then I continue to see myself in the mirror 5 minutes later and think I gained 10 pounds back or whatever but in the end it was all in my head because I placed that negative thought instead of running on the positive one in the first place.
You need to work on that...Good luck hopefully in the end you truly see yourself as beautiful as you are and stop being so negative towards yourself.
Well. I can't know if our experiences are perfectly similar, but I can tell you this: When I'm at my highest weight, I've got the blinders on. It's not just a conscious decision not to think about how bad I look due to my bad eating habits and laziness.... It's a completely unconscious self-denial/self-defence mechanism. I genuinely believe that I don't look that bad, and therefore, it's okay to have a carb-loaded calorie-bomb of a dinner, because I look FINE! And if I start to not look fine, THAT'S when I'll start being more careful.
The next thing I know, not a single pair of my pants fit, and I have to admit to myself that maybe things aren't so fine.
It's only when I start losing weight that I realize the true damage that I've done to my body with my laziness, and massively bad eating habits. It's then, when the blinders are stripped away, that I'm most horrified with my body.
In that respect, I can totally relate. However, I think there's a fine line between a healthy and realistic perception of where your body is, and an unhealthy one. I, for example, am appalled with how I let myself get back to almost my highest weight. I'm unhappy with my body, and am aggravated by how slowly the scale is moving back down.
However, I'm already seeing how a mere 5 lbish loss has made a difference in the shape of my frame. I've lost maybe half an inch around my hips, and a little in my back, and I know that the closer I get to goal the happier I will be. During my weight loss journeys, I'm proud of my accomplishments, and while I'm not yet satisfied with my body, I'm pleased with what I've done!
What concerns me a little in your post is that there was no real consideration for the 66 lbs that you've lost. For this MASSIVE accomplishment, and the way you DRASTICALLY changed your body! From looking at your profile pic and your tiiiiiny little legs, and your loose-fitting sweater... I can't imagine that in person you look like a very big girl. Which could mean that it's totally a societal-driven perception that we're never happy with our bodies unless we look like bikini models.... or... maybe it's more than that. You could have a genuinely skewed perception of your body, and how you look. The opposite of me, with my blinders at my highest weight.
As you get closer to goal, you might start feeling happier. But I urge you to consider, if you still look in the mirror and see a "fat girl" at 5'9" and under like 140 lbs... to seriously consider your self-perception and whether or not it's healthy.
I'm not quite 5'4", and at 125 lbs, I'll be a very little person. I'll probably be able to get there, but it'll mostly be through working out and getting toned and building more muscle after I get to my goal of 130-135. Which isn't to say our bodies aren't VERY different, and maybe at 125 you won't be incredibly incredibly skinny... but you most definitely will NOT be fat... I don't want your skewed self-perception to result in any kind of drastic measures or unhealthy routes to getting to a lower weight...!!
We're all here to support you in any way we can honey!
First off, congrats on losing 66lbs that is amazing.
At your weight/height you're healthy, but I can totally relate to not feeling thin even when you're in the healthy range. I got into the healthy range long before I realized (my scale was weighing me in 10lbs heavier) but I still felt "fat" even in that range. I still do now but I think anyone would be hard pressed to call me fat at this weight with BMI of 21.
I think the problem comes with being more critical of yourself and the fact that you probably haven't had time to adjust to not being fat any more. I don't know how long you were at your highest weight or your weight history, but when you're so used to being fat (even if you aren't in denial about it) it can be difficult to realize that: "Hey, I'm not fat any more." It doesn't matter how small the pants you put on are, your brain hasn't caught up yet. I can wear a size 0 in some brands and I still feel fat sometimes!
I haven't been maintaing for long, but I hear that it does get better with time. Your brain just needs to catch up to your body.
Is there any reason you've chosen 125 as your goal weight though? It's the lowest you can possibly weigh at your height, and there's a chance you could burn out trying to get there.
Don't get me wrong I have thoughts where I'm negative and it sucks and sometimes I can see myself in the mirror and think I look amazing...then I continue to see myself in the mirror 5 minutes later and think I gained 10 pounds back or whatever but in the end it was all in my head because I placed that negative thought instead of running on the positive one in the first place.
Girl, this is exactly how I feel. I'll catch a glimpse and think I look good, and then I keep looking and it's like I literally transform and all I can see are my flaws. And I definitely think it is mental, I just don't really know how to go about changing the way I think. Saying it "outloud" has helped, though, as anybody in real life who hears me talk this way just blows me off and tells me a look good.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jelbb
As you get closer to goal, you might start feeling happier. But I urge you to consider, if you still look in the mirror and see a "fat girl" at 5'9" and under like 140 lbs... to seriously consider your self-perception and whether or not it's healthy.
I'm not quite 5'4", and at 125 lbs, I'll be a very little person. I'll probably be able to get there, but it'll mostly be through working out and getting toned and building more muscle after I get to my goal of 130-135. Which isn't to say our bodies aren't VERY different, and maybe at 125 you won't be incredibly incredibly skinny... but you most definitely will NOT be fat... I don't want your skewed self-perception to result in any kind of drastic measures or unhealthy routes to getting to a lower weight...!!
We're all here to support you in any way we can honey!
Thank you so much. I think I will need to lean on you ladies, some, and maybe just talking to you about the things I feel will help. I tend to be very reserved and keep my personal thoughts and feelings inside and maybe that's part of my problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sontaikle
First off, congrats on losing 66lbs that is amazing.
Is there any reason you've chosen 125 as your goal weight though? It's the lowest you can possibly weigh at your height, and there's a chance you could burn out trying to get there.
Thank you! I am really very proud of what I have done, it just sometimes seems like it will never be enough. As far as my goal, it was originally 135 because that is what I used to walk around at in highschool when I did crew. But I recently lowered it to 125 precisely because it is the lowest I can go without being underweight, so I think that if all I can do is be underweight, I will have to think I am skinny enough. I know that's probably not the healthiest mindset, but I also feel like I'll be 25 this summer and that gives me about 5 years to be "superhot" and so I'll just work really hard to stay as thin as possible. My lifetime goal is going to be to maintain around 135. I also just want to prove to myself that I can do it. That I can get all the way to the other side of the spectrum.
Thank you all for reading this and for giving me such thought out responses. It has helped me feel a lot better. I am going to try and stay a little more active here, as I cannot tell you how much even having someone relate a little makes me feel less estranged from the rest of the population, if that makes sense.
Last edited by AnonymouslyYours; 02-07-2012 at 01:50 PM.
I recently lowered it to 125 precisely because it is the lowest I can go without being underweight, so I think that if all I can do is be underweight, I will have to think I am skinny enough. I know that's probably not the healthiest mindset, but I also feel like I'll be 25 this summer and that gives me about 5 years to be "superhot" and so I'll just work really hard to stay as thin as possible.
Hold up, missy. We need to make some subtle adjustments in your mindset. I'm being a little less kind in this post.
1. Being just shy of "underweight" will not make you think that you're thin enough, if you don't already think you're thin enough 5 lbs above being clinically underweight. This is most definitely a mental issue that you need to address. There are no doubt tonnes of books on body image that you could find inexpensively, and I think it would be a good idea for you to take a look at them.
I think it's shockingly unhealthy, and will be very hard for you to drag your body down to that extreme without resorting to unhealthy measures (starvation diets of less than 1000 calories, purging, or other methods that could result in fainting, illness, undernourishment and potential fatality.)
2. Whoa whoa! I'm 25 in 5 months. Why the hel! have we only got 5 years to be super hot? Do we die at 30? Does someone force-feed us Big Macs? What stops me, at 30, from going to the gym, eating right, and maintaining the exact same figure I had at 29? My mother is 50 and does iron mans (iron peoples...), triathalons, and is a part-time fitness instructor. She's a freakin' tank, is 130 lbs at 5'7", and could kick my friggin' @ss.
We do not die at 30. Our metabolisms do not roll over and die at 30 so we suddenly pack on 40 lbs. If you're willing to put the workout time in, fuel your body with good, nutritious food, and treat yourself right, you can be a super fox well into the second half of your life.
I mean, for god's sake, Jennifer Aniston is 42, and I'd sell my soul to have her body right now.
3. Take. This. Seriously. Feeling like you're still "too big" happens to a lot of us. We all feel good some days, and feel bad others. Even once we're down to our goal weights, we have times where we feel good and tiny and times where we see a pic and think, "bleh, I need to tighten those thigh muscles still!"
But feeling so bad about yourself that you feel the need to push yourself to just shy of clinically underweight, is NOT... NORMAL.
It's worrying to me, because you haven't specified what "working hard to get skinny" for your 20s entails. Are you eating balanced meals? Having a small amount of nourishment every three-four hours? Are you making sure you're getting (healthy) fats, (lean) protein, and (complex) carbs? Are you exercising? Are you taking into account that to be 125 lbs, you might have to lose muscle mass? And that a 135 lb chick with a tight a$s, slightly visible biceps, a defined tummy and toned thighs would look WAY skinnier and MUCH sexier than a soft, slightly starved 125 lb-er whose ribs show through her back when she leans over?
PLEASE REASSURE ME!!!!!!!!!
P.S.,
She's an inch shorter than you, and 130 lbs.
I feel like the smaller I get, the more critical of my body I am. When I was big it was like "I'm huge, Oh well". Now it's easier to nitpick and focus on problem areas. My arse is still too big, my thighs wobble a little, I have a bit of armpit fat, etc... It feels like the little things are almost as aggrivating as carrying around 100 extra lbs.
Has anyone ever thought of Therapy? I personally think we all need, it's not just for those over emotional completely ****ed up basket cases who have no control over their lives. I think it's also for regular people who just need a new perspective on life, on themselves.
Might want to consider it...A therapist can get into your head and help you sort out all your negative feed backs on yourself. You have to start from the root of the problem and if that means going all the way to figure out where this all painfully started...then that means going all the way back in order to move forward and better yourself.
I don't think there's anything so totally unhealthy about being aware of your own body flaws. It's frustrating, yes... but detrimental? No. Not being aware of my body is what got to almost 300 lbs. JMHO.
I don't think there's anything so totally unhealthy about being aware of your own body flaws. It's frustrating, yes... but detrimental? No. Not being aware of my body is what got to almost 300 lbs. JMHO.
Read upwards, Val. I believe MiZ is referring to the original poster who is talking about getting down to just shy of clinically underweight so she can feel thin. No need to get defensive.
I agree though, MiZ. I've been to counselling before to talk about my low self-esteem, and how incredibly hard I am on myself. I think it's really helpful to have outside perspective on your weight and body issues, and that a LOT of people don't consider it because of the stigma of "getting help" seeming like there's something WRONG with you.
It's too bad that so many people see things that way!
Hold up, missy. We need to make some subtle adjustments in your mindset. I'm being a little less kind in this post.
1. Being just shy of "underweight" will not make you think that you're thin enough, if you don't already think you're thin enough 5 lbs above being clinically underweight. This is most definitely a mental issue that you need to address. There are no doubt tonnes of books on body image that you could find inexpensively, and I think it would be a good idea for you to take a look at them.
I think it's shockingly unhealthy, and will be very hard for you to drag your body down to that extreme without resorting to unhealthy measures (starvation diets of less than 1000 calories, purging, or other methods that could result in fainting, illness, undernourishment and potential fatality.)
2. Whoa whoa! I'm 25 in 5 months. Why the hel! have we only got 5 years to be super hot? Do we die at 30? Does someone force-feed us Big Macs? What stops me, at 30, from going to the gym, eating right, and maintaining the exact same figure I had at 29? My mother is 50 and does iron mans (iron peoples...), triathalons, and is a part-time fitness instructor. She's a freakin' tank, is 130 lbs at 5'7", and could kick my friggin' @ss.
We do not die at 30. Our metabolisms do not roll over and die at 30 so we suddenly pack on 40 lbs. If you're willing to put the workout time in, fuel your body with good, nutritious food, and treat yourself right, you can be a super fox well into the second half of your life.
I mean, for god's sake, Jennifer Aniston is 42, and I'd sell my soul to have her body right now.
3. Take. This. Seriously. Feeling like you're still "too big" happens to a lot of us. We all feel good some days, and feel bad others. Even once we're down to our goal weights, we have times where we feel good and tiny and times where we see a pic and think, "bleh, I need to tighten those thigh muscles still!"
But feeling so bad about yourself that you feel the need to push yourself to just shy of clinically underweight, is NOT... NORMAL.
It's worrying to me, because you haven't specified what "working hard to get skinny" for your 20s entails. Are you eating balanced meals? Having a small amount of nourishment every three-four hours? Are you making sure you're getting (healthy) fats, (lean) protein, and (complex) carbs? Are you exercising? Are you taking into account that to be 125 lbs, you might have to lose muscle mass? And that a 135 lb chick with a tight a$s, slightly visible biceps, a defined tummy and toned thighs would look WAY skinnier and MUCH sexier than a soft, slightly starved 125 lb-er whose ribs show through her back when she leans over?
PLEASE REASSURE ME!!!!!!!!!
P.S.,
She's an inch shorter than you, and 130 lbs.
Honestly, I wish I could reassure you. I feel like I'm not right in the head. I mean, I think Katy Perry looks fat in pictures that aren't overly photoshopped. In candid pictures of her, I think she looks like she could lose 10 lbs. (But she really annoys me so I am probably overly critical of her.) I read books and articles on feeling better about yourself, but it's like I can't be objective about myself. And I fake like I'm fine, really really well. Most people think I am the most confident girl in the world and I have a super bubble outgoing personality irl. I think that's why nobody is taking it seriously.
As far as what I am doing. I strictly monitor my caloric intake and never, ever, ever go over 1200 calories. I tell people my range is 1100-1300, but really, it's 1100-1200. There are days when I go below 1100, but only because I'm not hungry and I just cannot make myself eat when I'm not hungry. I eat 65% lean protein (grilled chicken breast, turkey breast, whitefish, shrimp, crab, occasionally filet) and the rest of my calories all come from fresh fruits and vegetable and skim milk. I walk my dog at least 4 miles a day, try to run 3 miles 3 days a week, and I take classes at my gym. I was lifting weights, but lately haven't had the energy with everything else going on in my life. I don't know if that's healthy or not, but I don't think adding on 200 calories of junk food is going to be a good thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ValRock
I can relate.
I feel like the smaller I get, the more critical of my body I am. When I was big it was like "I'm huge, Oh well". Now it's easier to nitpick and focus on problem areas. My arse is still too big, my thighs wobble a little, I have a bit of armpit fat, etc... It feels like the little things are almost as aggrivating as carrying around 100 extra lbs.
Thank you. This is EXACTLY how I feel. I just can't ignore it anymore and I feel like the sum of all of my very noticeable flaws is worse than me before. But then I also know this isn't ACTUALLY true. But I can't help but think it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MiZTaCCen
Has anyone ever thought of Therapy? I personally think we all need, it's not just for those over emotional completely ****ed up basket cases who have no control over their lives. I think it's also for regular people who just need a new perspective on life, on themselves.
Might want to consider it...A therapist can get into your head and help you sort out all your negative feed backs on yourself. You have to start from the root of the problem and if that means going all the way to figure out where this all painfully started...then that means going all the way back in order to move forward and better yourself.
Just my two cents.
I've seen a few therapists. My problem is that I'm very smart and empathetic and I always just say what they want to hear. I try really hard not to do that, to be honest with them, but after sessions I replay our conversations and it's almost as if what I said to them was coming out of the mouth of a completely different person. Haha. They always see me for about 6 sessions and then say I'm a bright, friendly young girl and that they can't imagine I'll have problems in life. And that's that. A year or two later I see a different one and the same thing happens.
I'm sorry, girls, I am probably beyond help and should just resign myself to managing my body image issues and making sure I don't hurt my body in the process.
I've seen a few therapists. My problem is that I'm very smart and empathetic and I always just say what they want to hear. I try really hard not to do that, to be honest with them, but after sessions I replay our conversations and it's almost as if what I said to them was coming out of the mouth of a completely different person. Haha. They always see me for about 6 sessions and then say I'm a bright, friendly young girl and that they can't imagine I'll have problems in life. And that's that. A year or two later I see a different one and the same thing happens.
I'm sorry, girls, I am probably beyond help and should just resign myself to managing my body image issues and making sure I don't hurt my body in the process.
I could have written your above post. I got pregnant at 25 (something I never wanted to do because I thought I'd "ruin" my body). Pregnant, I saw a therapist and expressed my fears of hurting my child due to my fear of gaining weight. My doctors blind weighed me, and I continued to see my therapist until my daughter was about two.
A few years later, I went on a Miami poolside vacation with a partner and a friend, and I just couldn't let the body image issues go. I couldn't relax and have a good time. It was the first "let's look hot and be in a hot place" vacation that I've ever taken...it was terrible for me.
When I returned, I started seeing a Registered Dietitian/RN who has history with eating disorders for intensive nutritional therapy. She put me on 1600 calories/day, talk therapy, journal/homework. I gained 15lbs (which put me in the very overweight BMI), and she blind weighed me for 1.5 years so I didn't even know how much I gained.
Something during that time changed. I gained weight, but I felt so comfortable with myself and my worth that it didn't matter to me. I wore summer clothes, I spent time with friends, and I appreciated my body for the first time in my life, even if I was the heaviest I'd been since pregnancy.
I've now started to be more active and I'm at a specific calorie range that is lower than the 1600 and I'm losing. The difference right now is that I'm happy with myself and I no longer place all of my worth on my weight.
I urge you to see a Nutritional Therapist who has you do work, and take it seriously. I paid a lot of money to do it, and it was worth every penny just to be comfortable in my own skin.
I urge you to see a Nutritional Therapist who has you do work, and take it seriously. I paid a lot of money to do it, and it was worth every penny just to be comfortable in my own skin.
That sounds like an amazing idea. Especially one who has a background in eating disorders and body image issues. Even if you're not on the serious end of an eating disorder, it could help to prevent you from getting there.
And while I don't think that 1,200 healthy calories is a starvation diet... I also don't think that upping it to 1,400 calories 2-3 times a week is a bad idea. And 200 extra calories does NOT, as you said, have to come from junk! It sounds like you're good at eating healthy foods and fish, so you could easily find 200 calories of food, healthy food. Iron-rich green veggies like broccoli and green beans, an apple and a cup of no-sugar added low-fat or fat-free yogurt. Ta-daa, 200 calories.
And far from hindering your weight loss, eating a bit more could actually encourage it! Your body is constantly trying to level out your weight while you're losing, to compensate for the fact that you're losing stored fat and energy. When you eat less than 1,000 calories because you "don't feel hungry," your body kicks into starvation mode. It reacts in a self-preservation kind of way, hanging on to whatever food you DO put in your body, converting sugars and storing it as fat, because it doesn't know when or where its next energy source is coming from.
I think seeing a nutritionist is your best bet at this point. But coping by yourself is DEFINITELY the wrong angle. If you want help looking for a nutritionist in your area, let us know, we'd all be happy to google!
Thank you both for that idea. I'd never even really thought about it, but I think that seeing a nutritionist/nutritional therapist might actually be REALLY helpful. I will look into some in the area and see how affordable they are.
And I know I could add more healthy food, but I feel as though I eat a ton. 1100 calories of lean, healthy foods seems like a lot of volume of food! And I have been losing pretty steadily at a pretty fast rate. Talking to a trainer at the gym, he said as long as I kept my protein really high, my body would break down my stored fat to use as energy. But I am sure a nutritionist would be a much, much better source of information.
Feeling fatter the more weight I lose
that is amazing. 
Do we die at 30? Does someone force-feed us Big Macs? What stops me, at 30, from going to the gym, eating right, and maintaining the exact same figure I had at 29? My mother is 50 and does iron mans (iron peoples...), triathalons, and is a part-time fitness instructor. She's a freakin' tank, is 130 lbs at 5'7", and could kick my friggin' @ss.
