[pixelllate]

Have you ever had a guy go on and on about how you don't need to lose (and why) and it actually has the reverse effect -makes you feel even worse about your figure? The descriptions make me feel like I'm being judged at a livestock competition!

[lucky8]

Your partner should understand you reasons for wanting to lose weight and that your doing it for YOU.
My partner loves me the way i am but knows im not happy at my current weight and knows that losing will make me healthier and have a longer life and get my confidence back.
Thats what its all about.
If the comments are really getting to you , maybe its him?.......feeling insecure about your lifestyle changes you need to stand your ground and do whats best for you x

[pixelllate]

Thank you! Some men need to understand that its beyond looking sexually attractive! I just wanna fit into my old jeans! LOL

[lucky8]

Originally Posted by pixelllate

Thank you! Some men need to understand that its beyond looking sexually attractive! I just wanna fit into my old jeans! LOL

yes exactly hun we are not sex objects , and sexyness isnt about physical appearance its about the amount of personality and confidence a person radiates.
And if losing weight will increase that.........your sexy no matter what

[sontaikle]

There are a lot of reasons why the man in your life might not want you to lose weight. They may genuinely not want you to go through what a lot of women go through because they love you for who you are (certainly not a bad thing!) or they may feel threatened that you will leave them, or quite simply they may just not understand why you feel the need to lose weight.

My fiance always told me I was fine whenever I was unsure about myself. He fell in love with me when I was 190-200lbs, so it wasn't as if he had ever known me to be thin (I was overweight/obese since childhood). However I never told him I was setting off to lose weight either. He made comments that alluded to the fact that he felt a bit threatened, but I reassured him that this was something I was doing for ME and he left it alone.

I think a lot of men and partners in general just don't know how to deal with the process. It helps if we reassure them that we aren't losing weight to go find some hot dude with a six pack or some millionaire, we're just doing it for ourselves.

[BigChiefHoho]

I think it all depends on why the guy is talking like that. Is it because he thinks it's your job to maintain whatever sort of figure is attractive to him and he wants you to stay as-is, or is it because he's trying (however misguidedly) to make you feel good about yourself because he thinks you're too hard on yourself, or is it because he's afraid you're going to become 'out of his league' and leave him, or...? I think the only way to solve your problem is to talk to him, figure out his reasoning, explain how it makes you feel, and then go from there.

[bopbot]

Originally Posted by sontaikle

I think a lot of men and partners in general just don't know how to deal with the process. It helps if we reassure them that we aren't losing weight to go find some hot dude with a six pack or some millionaire, we're just doing it for ourselves.

Agreed. I'm pretty lucky to have a partner who supports me in my efforts to lessen my personal frustrations and improve my overall health and confidence by losing weight.

I think the only thing that might worry me, even a little, is that he won't be as attracted to me once I've lost weight. Isn't that weird? Most women feel they have the opposite problem. But my boyfriend likes a variety of types of women as well as a chubby girl, and I know it's my proportions (big boobs, big butt, small waist) that really get him rather than my overall size. I know I had the same proportions on a smaller scale when he was first attracted to me seven years ago, and he's loved me through all sorts of weights.

[InsideMe]

Sorry this isn't about a BF but my GF, but it's still realtionship advice

It took my GF awhile to accept what I was doing. Now that I'm about 7 months into it she's settled in and realizing that I love her and I'm not going to leave her simply because my body is changing. It took some work on both our parts, she had to realize her own insecurities while I had to learn to be patient with her and continue to tell her that I love her. I think it's hard for them to see so much change going on, cause it comes from the inside out, you change in every way possible because really it is a totally new lifestyle. It's learning how to live a new lifestyle with the person you love because it effects every area of your life. For instance, we use to pig out when the kids went to bed and watch Days of Our Lives on PVR and munch on chips etc....its one of our favourite things to do. That changed cause my snacking changed anyways....we had to find a nice medium between the 2 of us. Sometimes it just takes time.

[gonnabfitmom]

My boyfriend hasn't SAID it but I don't think he really wants me to lose weight. He likes larger women, all of his ex's have been big women. He applauds me when I tell him I've lost some more weight but he always comments that I'm getting so 'small and skinny' which is far...FAR from the truth, I've lost some but I'm nowhere near skinny.
He's not mean or rude about it and he doesn't try to discourage my weight loss at all, but I know he prefers me bigger.

His opinion really doesn't have any bearing on my weight loss efforts. He might like my body at my current weight but *I* am not comfortable. I lack confidence. My weight holds me back. His preference for a bigger woman is not going to hinder me from reaching my goals.

[MiZTaCCen]

I ignore men now and their comments because this isn't a matter about what they think or what anyone else thinks. This is about me and how I feel about myself. Yea, I know I look fine but I want to look better. Sure I look "skinny" enough and they all think I'm the weight of my goal but again...it only matters what my opinion is of myself now. I learned not to let anyone tell me what anymore, and guys I start dating or am dating I just don't even bring up I'm losing weight I just do it now.

Men are sabotager's they claim they like woman with meat on them they make you feel good about yourself and how you are with them. Then they dump you and you're back to square one fat and unhappy all because the current douchebag you decided to date made you feel good about your weight. So now I just don't care...the door is right there. You like fat woman? good go for one because I will not continue to be one because it makes you like me more. Jerks...ugh they all are seriously! okay I'm done with my bitter rant about men. LOL

[astrophe]

Have you ever had a guy go on and on about how you don't need to lose (and why) and it actually has the reverse effect -makes you feel even worse about your figure? The descriptions make me feel like I'm being judged at a livestock competition!

Yes, I've been objectfied with catcalls and whistles and things. Never by a BF though.

If you already asked him to stop talking down to you like that --like you are not a person but a THING to judge and he keeps doing it anyway? OVER AND OVER eroding you? Dump the guy! There are some weird guys who use that talk to hold their partner's emotionally hostage for more abuse later on. Thpppt!

If it is about his insecurities that you will leave him once at goal and you are willing to work through that, reassure that you aren't going anywhere and love him. Have a good talk and sort it out.

If it is about his worrying you will head into eating disorders or hurt yourself -- are his concerns valid? Address that with a good talk too. Sort it out.

Basically -- what's motivating the comment? Then assess from there.

It may turn out to be a little thing that can be made nothing after a good heart to heart. Or it can be a red flag in context. Only YOU know him, so you have to make the call.

But the actual weight loss is your business, not his.

My DH has loved me thin, loved me obese, love me pregnant, loved me not. We're very secure. So he doesn't make any of those type comments and I'm glad.

On the one hand it is nice not to listen to body crap! On the other hand, I also don't have a pal to natter with or a workout buddy or anything because fitness is a shared interest. It isn't.

If I announce weight loss, he will mildy go "yay! I'm glad for you!" because he knows I'm working on it for my PCOS management and he loves me and wants me to feel happy in myself.

But it's not like he cares like I do. He just has no esp interest in fitness reading or cooking or health or... any of that. Which is ok. He's him. I'm me. *shrug* He makes the effort to encourage and listen politely. I make the effort to encourage and listen politey when he tells me about music or model planes he wants to make and I'm not esp interested in. Fair enough.

I rather have this than deal with insecure BF or mean BF any day!

A.

[JustSharing83]

My husband has been pretty awesome for the most part, but there were a few bumps along the way.

When I first started several years ago, he was not all that supportive. He was not wanting to diet and I think he felt his eating habits were being threatened. For that reason among many others that were my own fault, I did not do well early on.

At another point along the way he made a comment that I would leave him for someone "better" after I lost weight... I just shut it down and explained that I love him, I married him, and I put a lot of stock in the fact that I weighed 280 on my wedding day and he still said "I do". I would never leave the guy that has loved me unconditionally for the last 7 years for some hypothetical guy that's only interested once I'm in normal sizes.

Now things are amazing. Hubby finally reached a point last year where he was ready to lose and I've been wanting to get more serious and make a push for goal instead of just doing enough to not gain it all back. For us, it is significantly better as a team and I can't wait to see what we accomplish.