Help getting people to lay off my goal weight?

[Daki]

I am 5'6. My BMI range is 114-154.9 for a normal weight. I am attempting to get down to 120 but my family won't leave me alone about it! I even tell them what I weigh, what I weighed when I started, and the BMI range for my height but they don't believe me. It's SO frustrating that I feel like I've barely started losing weight and they already won't get off my back about unrealistic expectations. I mean, I plan to take lower weights as they come and if I look creepy at 120, then I'll go up to whatever weight I feel great at. And I tell them this but I still get flack.

My mom is terrified I'll become anorexic (honestly, I think she use to have an eating disorder when I was younger) and my grandmother is convinced I'm not as overweight as I say I am. Does anyone else deal with this? Did you ever get them to believe you, if so.. how?

I don't even like talking about my progress with them anymore because "you don't want to lose too much!" Shut up! I think I know how much I weigh! Okay, the shut up is a bit harsh but JEEZ it's frustrating. OH. ALSO. They won't stop asking me what I'm going to do after I lose weight. Uhh.. maintain it using the same methods I used to lose it? It's not like I'm on a meal delivery plan or some crazy crash diet. I eat as much protein and veggies as I want at every meal. How is that not sustainable?

Ugh. I'm frustrated and don't know how to convince them/deal with this. Thank goodness my boyfriend and I have a deal in regard to weight loss, I won't question his goal weight and he won't question mine (we both don't believe the other has 50lbs to lose, so we just support each other instead of bickering haha).

[JessLess]

You could either not respond when they make comments (extinction therapy) or just respond with, "Thank you for your feedback." Eventually, they will get bored if they can't get a response out of you.

[BigChiefHoho]

I generally try to avoid this by just not telling them a specific weight if they ask. "Oh, I don't know, we'll see what feels right on me." Noncommittal stuff like that. I don't see any reason that they need to know what your goal is.

[stellarosa27]

Just stop telling them how much you weight/what you're doing for.

[Buutastic]

I've had the same issue. While I have 130 as my goal, ultimately I'd like to see 115. People tell me that's just too skinny, even though I'm 5'3". So, what I say is, I'm working to get to 130 and I will take each pound after until I feel happy with where I am.

This is your journey and only you know your body!

[Lovely]

If their constant "worry" over your weight goal has you annoyed, you might try not focusing on the scale around them.

Instead, talk about how great you're doing with your food choices/exercise. Talk about how your clothes are fitting better, etc. If you keep the conversation about health and being healthier, and stay vague about the weight goal (i.e. "Not sure, yet." "I'll know when I get there." "Right now I'm just focusing on the health part, not the scale."), then over time they should stop with the worrying about the number.

[charlaine09]

im almost 5'8 i want to be ultimately 125-135 but ppl tell me my height and structure wont allow this or even 150 or 170 but i know thats bs theres plenty of girls my height in the 120s 130s , i know im built broad and tall but it doesn't make such a big difference that one girl of the same height can be 120 while another only 180 or shes too thin. i ignore them. its annoying to hear oh youll always be big though cause your father was 6'6 you got his big bones, my brother has his big bones, im a chick

[MissGuided]

Ugh at 'big bones'. Stupid phrase people use to call others 'big'.

I tend to ignore a lot of judgmental people. This is MY journey. As harsh as it may sound, I can't wait for them to choke on their words when I get to my ideal weight and show them it has been done & I feel amazing.

[sontaikle]

Weight is a funny thing and people's perception of it is very skewed. Ask people how much they think you weigh, I'm betting that not only will you get a million different answers but you'll also get people thinking you weigh a lot less than you really do.

I remember dealing with this during my weight loss. My mom didn't believe I weighed as much as I did (ok, really am I going to lie and make myself heavier?) and I remember at one point when I was 180 pounds and she thought I weighed 140. I laughed because I thought it was hilarious. I know strength training made me more "compact" but REALLY?

I actually get quite a few people thinking I'm underweight now. When I tell them I'm 131 pounds they don't really believe me and sometimes think I'm in the 100-110 range. My BMI is 23.2 folks, I'm on the higher end of "healthy"

My best piece of advice to you is to just stop talking about what the numbers on the scale say to people who just can't be supportive. If they ask you what your goal is, just say "when I'm happy, I don't know what number anymore" or something like that. I know you can't hide your weight loss—and EVERYONE is going to have an opinion—but taking the numbers out of the equation might help since most individuals' view of what weights look on different people is skewed.

I don't follow my own advice there, because I am honest about what I weigh. I figure this will help other women who have body issues because they can realize that they don't need to get down to a really low weight

[Aclai4067]

Originally Posted by BigChiefHoho

I generally try to avoid this by just not telling them a specific weight if they ask. "Oh, I don't know, we'll see what feels right on me." Noncommittal stuff like that.

^This^

I really, truely don't know what my ultimate goal weight will be. I think I have a large frame, but I don't really know because I've always been fat. I have big feet and ankles, but small hands and wrists. So I generally tell people that I'm shooting for the top end of the normal BMI range for my height to start, and will decide where to go from there. And that's the truth.

[charlaine09]

Originally Posted by MissGuided

Ugh at 'big bones'. Stupid phrase people use to call others 'big'.

I tend to ignore a lot of judgmental people. This is MY journey. As harsh as it may sound, I can't wait for them to choke on their words when I get to my ideal weight and show them it has been done & I feel amazing.

same. i cant weight to get to like 135 then ill be like muahahaha i knew i wasnt doomed because im large framed! i can look like a chick! cant wait.

[sontaikle]

Originally Posted by charlaine09

same. i cant weight to get to like 135 then ill be like muahahaha i knew i wasnt doomed because im large framed! i can look like a chick! cant wait.

Ha! I know how that is.

All my life I heard my mother and other family members tell me that I'll never be a size 4 or that I couldn't be a size 4 because I was "built bigger."

Yeah well everyone can suck it. I can wear a size 1.

[omgzitsmiranda]

Originally Posted by sontaikle

Ha! I know how that is.

All my life I heard my mother and other family members tell me that I'll never be a size 4 or that I couldn't be a size 4 because I was "built bigger."

Yeah well everyone can suck it. I can wear a size 1.

hahaha i love this.

[torito]

I agree with everyone else that maybe don't talk so much about the numbers anymore. Only one IRL person knows exactly how much I weigh and what I'd like to get to, and he's pretty supportive that I should stop when I'm happy not because I want the number to be higher or lower.

[astrophe]

Why do you tell them? Are you looking for support or encouragement or approval or...?


Sometimes it is just easier to acknowledge that you won't get X from Y person, and just keep the weight loss talk to the online board and not bother with people in real life.

When you step back, it seems kind of silly to argue over a goal weight in the future when you have to travel down through many other numbers first. I suspect it is more about THEM than you -- they worry about change, they worry about diet stories they've heard, who knows what their baggage is.

A.