How can I get my husband on board?

[SWhite0513]

We gained the weight together, but he has absolutely no interest in losing it together. I can tell that he really wants to lose weight, but he just doesn't have the will power or motivation to... It seems like the more I ask him to work out with me, and the more I make suggestions about what he's eating, the worse it gets. The better I do, the worse he does.. I worry about his health because of the weight, and I feel like it is affecting him in several ways, and it's probably even making him unhappy. What approach can I take to get him interested in having a healthier lifestyle with me?? Help!

[Blueberries]

The best thing you can do is just to start living your own healthy life and lead by example. He won't be ready until he's ready, and pushing the subject will likely only make him resentful. Show him by example, without saying a word, and let him see how much better you feel from making healthy changes.

[MindiV]

Sounds like my husband used to be. Unfortunately you can't make him do anything until he's ready. It stinks, but it's true. Think about it...could anyone make you do it before YOU were ready?

All you can do is provide a good example. Eat healthy meals, or healthy versions of the meals you eat together, and continue on your healthy path. Make sure he can see how good you feel, and don't pressure him. If he brings it up, talk to him, but don't push too hard or he'll go the other direction. And once you're further in, sit and have a talk with him. Be honest about your concerns for his health, etc. Maybe it will sink in then.

He may eventually get on board, but also be ready for the fact that he may never want to change.

My husband resisted for about two years before he finally started trying. He lost about 70 pounds, from 290 to 220, but has been slipping. He's back up in the 230s and knows he needs to do something to stop the slide.

[omgzitsmiranda]

The only thing you can do is keep on doing what you're doing. Have you tried talking to him about it? Does he really want it or just *wish* it would happen? [no offense..]

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. So to say.

[ERHR]

My husband refused to adopt any of the lifestyle changes I've made over the last year, and he still lost 20 lbs/10% of his weight. Who knows, man. Just let him be and do your own thing. He may come around in time.

[MindiV]

Oh, and I wanted to add....don't "give up" on him. If you go on a walk every night, ask him to go along. If you go to the gym three times a week, just ask every once in a while if he'd like to go too. Just a simple question...don't badger or try to talk him into it. One day he might say yes. Never know. Just don't exclude him from your life, if it involves working out away from home. He may start to resent it.

[bargoo]

Readiness is the key. As much as we would like to we can't make somebody do what we know is good for them

[SWhite0513]

Thanks guys, hopefully! I need to make it seem like the best thing in the world so that he will want to do it! Sometimes I feel like he gets resentful because I am doing something that he cant/wont do, but wants to... it is the weirdest thing.. but maybe if he starts to feel bad enough about it he will realize he needs to join in!

[Blueberries]

One more thing - try cooking meals from Skinnytaste.com as you're making food changes. They are soooo yummy and have all the serving and nutritional information (plus WW points) listed with the recipe. Tons of what I cook comes from there, and my husband and family love it all, too!

[sontaikle]

Short answer: you can't.

However, you can just do your thing and hopes he joins you at some point. I've noticed that due to my success my family has started eating healthier and is trying to exercise more. I never even talk about my weight loss with them! Nor do I tell them anything about what they're doing!

My fiancee has always been within a normal weight but I notice that he's become more health conscious too. He's trying to limit his soda intake, he's choosing healthier foods and wants to work out more.

I never said anything to any of them about eating healthier or losing weight. If I've talked about my weight loss it's been through my own perspective (something like "hey I can buy smaller clothes, yay!").

It's amazing how one's success can inspire others!

[SWhite0513]

Originally Posted by omgzitsmiranda

The only thing you can do is keep on doing what you're doing. Have you tried talking to him about it? Does he really want it or just *wish* it would happen? [no offense..]

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. So to say.

You might be right, it might just be a wish.

[SWhite0513]

Originally Posted by Blueberries

One more thing - try cooking meals from Skinnytaste.com as you're making food changes. They are soooo yummy and have all the serving and nutritional information (plus WW points) listed with the recipe. Tons of what I cook comes from there, and my husband and family love it all, too!

We do well at dinner, it is his snacking and eating during the day that is holding him back. Aside from saying "Hey, don't eat that!" there isn't much else I can do to help him.

[Razorbackbritt]

My husband says he is too tired for the gym most days (so am I! but I go!) and he can make excuses to eat whatever (because he is soooo hungry).

So here is what I do:

I cook healthy at home. He eats what I cook...so I make leaner meals, more veggies, etc. I stopped buying the sugar cereal and now he gets to choose from bran flakes, mini wheats, and plain oatmeal. I buy baked chips (he LOVES chips and salsa) and buy skim milk (when he prefers 2%). I am forcing him to eat healthy, but he isn't noticing too much.

For activity, I have done two things. First, I have planned some fun things for us to do that are active. Like one Sunday, instead of laying on the couch all afternoon, I put on tennis shoes and said "take me to the park!" And we went, walked around, played on the swings, played horsehoes, etc. I've also given him extra "honey dos" that are sneaky ways to be more active. He used to come home, sit on the couch until dinner, eat, and then maybe mess around with his hobbies (sitting down at the table). Now, I might ask him to dust the ceiling fans, go check the mail because I "forgot" (we have a long driveway) or do other various things to at least get him moving a bit more. He has lost a few pounds. I think if he notices the weight loss, he might actually work on it.

Maybe I'm sneaky and deceptive, but at the end of the day, I care about him and his health and just trying to help him be better, even if he doesn't notice it!

[krampus]

One more vote for "lead by example." No one wants to be the "lazy sloppy half" of a couple!

[runningfromfat]

Just let it be. It's hard, trust me I know! My husband and I have yo-yoed with our weight together for years. When I started this journey he did it a bit with me but quickly gave up and I begged him to stick with it. I was really, really annoying, actually. He finally told me to stop and I dropped it.

Well, after over a year of losing and some pretty clear results he started calorie counting (not at all what I do) and running. He did great and has already lost 33lbs! He's at a plateau right now but it's more the struggle with getting back on plan after the holidays and travel. However, he's kept up the running throughout it all and has been able to maintain his loss even with the chaos.

For him it really was a few things that finally triggered his loss:
1. He saw that I was able to stick with it for a whole year and lose, i.e. it was possible.
2. He found the right method of weight loss for him. I've never been successful with calorie counting but it worked well for him.
3. We had easy access to a gym, something we didn't have before.
4. We had more childcare than we did before so time wasn't an issue either
5. He tagged along for a trip to my nutritionist and learned a few things (even if they weren't directed at him)
6. After starting exercising he was able to get off some of the medicine he was taking before, which was some great extra motivation!

In the end it was a perfect storm. Something I couldn't have planned. The best thing you can do for your husband is take care of yourself. Also, if you're the cook in the family, cook healthy meals and snacks. Beyond that it's up to him.