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being happy makes things difficult

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Old 10-16-2011, 07:57 PM   #1
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Well, I've been trying to get back on track for a while now, but I'm having serious problems.

I have successfully lost 70 pounds in the past....and I have gained it all back now, but I KNOW that I can lose it again (plus more). The only thing that I really think is holding me back is something you wouldn't expect to be a bad thing....happiness.

The last time, I was unhappy in my relationship and then I was single....I was going through a point in my life when nothing was going my way and I knew I needed to change. I was miserable....and in that misery I found my motivation to lose weight....to make myself happy. I went from 251 to 180, and I was so happy. I was the lowest weight I had ever been in my adult life, and everything seemed perfect. Then I got with my current boyfriend (who I have now been dating for a year and a half), and the pounds started creeping back on. I was so happy that I didn't care. I've been best friends with this guy for 8 years and liked him the whole time but was always to scared to tell him...and then I found out he had liked me the whole time too. I wish I had known that when we went to prom together senior year (as friends) and pretty much avoided each other the whole night. I would have just walked up to him and danced with him...but whatever. The point is that I love him and he makes me happy and he loves me for who I am RIGHT NOW. I've gained that 70 pounds back since I've been dating him....and it hasn't bothered him. He's put on a few pounds too...and it doesn't bother me. We're perfect for each other and I don't think our appearances changing has changed that at all.....

Here lies my dilema. It is SO DIFFICULT to find the motivation to get back on track when I'm already happy. I have the perfect job, the perfect boyfriend, I don't think I've ever been happier then this before...and I'm so comfortable with myself. I've never been one of those super self-conscious fat girls. I don't walk around in clothes someone my size shouldn't be wearing...but at the same time I am comfortable in almost anything. I don't feel as big as I know I look. On the inside and in my mind I am a skinny girl, and so my size has never bothered me. It's hard to find the motivation to lose the weight when I'm so happy and confident. I just don't know how to motivate myself to get back on the right track....because at this point I just don't care. I'm happy.


Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated.
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Old 10-16-2011, 08:19 PM   #2
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I don't actually have any advice.. I just wanted to chime in and say I've been the feeling the same way for a couple months. I've been hanging out with friends more, I'm still single, but I feel good about how I look most of the time and have become more self-confident.. and it's gotten harder to stick to the plan all the time. When I started I was disgusted with myself and recent events and it made it pretty easy to jump in 100%.

So far I haven't regained, just maintained at about my halfway point, and I'm trying to get back on plan, but without a little smidge of self-disgust fueling it, it's a lot harder.
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Old 10-16-2011, 08:24 PM   #3
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Here is my honest answer. Losing weight at a bad time in your life was about control. While everything else was spiraling downward, you could (at least) control your food intake and your exertion levels.

This is, of course, my opinion, having "been there, done that" myself. This July I decided to diet again, for the umpteenth time, smack dab in the middle of some really awful things that were going on, have continued to go on, or are now resolving, culminating in my house now being up for sale. It has been a rough 10 months financially and healthwise in our home--and here in the middle of it, I have been able to lose weight.

I have literally said "I don't know how I'm so focused" and "I can't believe I'm sticking to a diet" and "wow, I'm succeeding at losing weight" - but that's because so much crap has come up in life that it would be easy to stuff my face. The fact that I have not is just a testament to having one small piece of my life that I control. At least that is what I've come to believe.

I don't know what to say that will motivate you, but I'm going to try with this: Since you and the BF have put on some weight together, why not try losing it, happily, together? I can imagine if everything is rosy, it could be quite fun to come up with a game plan together, and even compete with each other weekly for the title of "biggest loser" or "most creative meal" and that sort of thing.

I'm happy you're happy--don't lose that.

My life has been a soap opera over the past year. You can't write this stuff--no one would believe.
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Old 10-16-2011, 08:26 PM   #4
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Being obese carries with it a lot of risks, high blood pressure, high cholesteral,diabetes, strokes not saying any of these will happen but the risk is there when one is overweight. I was once declined health insurance becouse I was overweight. You can be happy and healthy, too.
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Old 10-16-2011, 09:15 PM   #5
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Try picking something other than happiness to work for. And I think doing it with your BF is a great idea. Maybe the two of you could train for a 5k or something similar together and use that as your motivation for working out and eating well.
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Old 10-17-2011, 03:00 PM   #6
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When I need motivation I always think about how I'll feel a year from now, five years, ten years, and more. I think about how I want to raise my future children with a healthy lifestyle, how I want to be healthy and strong in my old age, and avoid health problems I've witnessed my obese family members suffer through.

I'm doing this for my health and my future. I have a wonderful boyfriend and I'm in a good place in my life. Because I love my boyfriend and life so much, I want to be able to enjoy it like this (healthy) for the rest of my life! I can't think of better motivation than that.

Also, like I said earlier, I think about how I'll feel a year or more from now. I began losing weight almost a year ago and weighed at least 300 lbs. When I started I kept thinking "a year from now I'll be so proud of myself for sticking to this!" and I definitely feel that way now. A year from now I'll be maintaining a healthy lifestyle at my goal weight. Awesome!!

Do it to ensure future happiness and health for you and your boyfriend and possibly any kids down the line
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Old 10-17-2011, 03:08 PM   #7
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i felt the same way after i got married. previously, i had wanted to lose weight to lead to things-- i.e. losing weight to get a boyfriend/husband. but now i realized that i want to be thin because i want to be thin. this motivation is for you. if you want this for you, you will find the motivation.
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Old 10-17-2011, 03:19 PM   #8
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it's strange, but i'm EXACTLY the opposite!

when things were going bad for me (within a short period of time i had a country song happen to me: bad break up, lost my job, dog died, medical issues popped up as soon as i lost my insurance, you know the works) i couldn't lose weight to save my life. my fridge and pantry were my two best friends and they comforted me.

i initially started losing weight because of my pending wedding and the desire to have a baby later on. between the middle of march and my wedding at the end of may i'd lost 30 pounds! after that, it was easy to continue because i was happy, and it was making me happier to get healthier and more active so i could do more things with my husband, and vanity speaking, be more attractive standing next to him. i won't lie, i want his friends to look at me and go "wow. that is a lucky man!"

my weight loss is currently eh... paused? i won't say stopped, done, over etc because i am determined to continue. i'm assuming it's because we just moved so all of my friends are over 300 miles away, and i had to quit my job so my income right now is nil. in the 2 months since the moving process started, i've lost... a single pound. and i think it's because i'm not as happy as i was before we moved.

i'm sure you'll find a happy spot in your brain where your desire for weight loss will click for you, and it will become easier. good luck!
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Old 10-17-2011, 08:03 PM   #9
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i can COMPLETELY relate! I knew I was overweight for years, and I mostly didn't care. It didn't affect me too much, I have what I consider to be a kick-booty life, great hubby, yadda, yadda.

I looked at it like this, "My life is GREAT! SO what if the only downside is that I'm super chunky? There could be worse things!"

Okay...so that is true. There are a lot worse things, but I am honest-to-goodness happier NOW than I was THEN. Nothing new or magical happened to change my life status or anyone in it, but losing weight and being fit has made all the already-great stuff EVEN BETTER.

My super sexy hubby is enjoyed more now. LOLOL

My sweet and adorable kids enjoy mommy's extra patience and increased energy.

I feel like I've won the lottery, b/c it feels like I have it all now.

You don't have to sacrifice all the happy things you have now. Just embrace the things to come that can increase your happy life!
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Old 10-17-2011, 08:39 PM   #10
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I feel like I could have written your post. Sans the gain the weight back part.


During a really tough stretch I got serious about weight loss in May. Earlier this year I weighed 225 and am now down to 186. When it felt like nothing else was going right, posting a good weekly loss, or reaching a benchmark with my running, gave me something positive to cling to. I kept telling myself that if I keep plugging away, things would turn eventually.

Like you I sort of hooked up with a guy I’ve known for 6 years and basically liked the whole time. He recently told me he loves me. We’re not officially a couple yet but it is definitely headed there. He makes me very happy and really believes in me. I overheard him insinuating to a mutual friend that he wants to marry me. I’ve been on ever since.

After a long painful and humbling unemployment stretch, I finally found a job. I love the people and it is related to my long term career goals. The pay and hours are a bit short but it’s a HUGE step forward.

Also like you I was never the “super self conscious fat girl.” I prefer being thinner but do the best I can with what I have and stay confident. I always thought self consciousness just makes it worse.

My life isn’t perfect but things are coming together and it feels amazing. I hope to not stop here and keep going. I keep reminding myself that my current good fortunes are the result of the work I put in. To stop my good habits now would be to start trending back to the way things were.

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Old 10-18-2011, 10:35 AM   #11
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I felt the same way for a long time....When I met my husband 6.5 years ago I was at my lowest in years....I'd lost around 40 pounds and was around 145 lbs (I'm only 5 feet tall so that's still considered overweight or obese for me). In the course of 6 years I've gained all that and then some....When we got married I was at my highest ever at over 200 lbs....But I was happy! My husband is wonderful and loves me no matter what and part of our bonding is over our favorite foods (of course it's not good for you foods!). But....I've come to realize over the last few weeks that if I want to live a long life with him...I need to shed some pounds. If I want to see my nephew and "claimed neice & nephew" grow up, I need to shed some pounds.....If I want to be able to stay healthy and have kids of our own....I need to get some weight off. So that's why I'm doing it at this point. I have a wonderful group of coworkers and we're all helping each other (my grade level lost 12.2 pounds between the 5 of us last week) My mom is being a great support and my husband even hides food from me and tells me it's nasty I don't want any. LOL Good luck on your journey!
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Old 10-18-2011, 03:57 PM   #12
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I can also completely relate; wonderful BF of 5 years (this Saturday!!!) - whom I just went ring shopping with (eeeek!!!! =D ), great job, good friends, close family... Also feel thinner than I look...

I love the advice given above and have found it to be true - if you are happy now think of how much happier you will be getting healthy!
For me the past 2 weeks have been pretty dang good; more energy, better mood, all around wellness - I hope you can find this as well.

Also, just something small that keeps me motivated is reading health/ fitness magazines, they definitely get me in the spirit to keep plugging away.

Wishing for some motivation for ya!
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Old 10-18-2011, 05:09 PM   #13
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First of all, your story gives me hope. Makes me happy to see that sometimes things that you wish would happen really do. That being said, I can relate to the "wanting to lose, but not really wanting anything to change" part of which you speak.
Sounds like slow and steady might be the key... If you're happy and you enjoy eating (especially calorie-dense "fun" foods w. your bf) then it might be a big challenge to switch from those comfort type meals to something a bit lighter and healthier. Maybe the two of you can find activities you both enjoy? The extra endorphins might make the heavy food less appealing?
Also, think of all the health benefits of exercise/healthy diet: increased energy, increased memory/brain power, increased ... errr... "zest for life". Seriously, though, as you are so happy now, doesn't it make sense to take every step to ensure that you'll be happy together for a long time to come?
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Old 10-18-2011, 09:21 PM   #14
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You guys are so right. I've been looking at it in the wrong way. I need to do this to make my life better, not to fix something that isn't broken in the first place. I've been so convinced that I'm supposed to feel like there is something wrong with me that I need to fix, when I honestly just don't feel that way...and it has been making it nearly impossible for me to move forward and lose this weight for real this time.

I think I have come up with a new plan...at least to kick start my whole diet all over again until I get that motivation from consistently losing weight. I have this problem where I am constantly exhausted. I work 9 or 10 hours a day with a 45 minute drive to and from work, and then I come home and I am a full time student (taking online classes) so I have tons of homework and reading and tests and quizzes and papers and stuff to do...and THEN I have to fit in showers and laundry and time for cleaning...and it seems like I don't have time for myself. I have gotten into the habit of stopping and grabbing food on the way home from work because that way when I get home I can eat and study at the same time...and I don't have to take time to cook anything. I know that's why I haven't been losing, because I have been getting junk. I'm just so exhausted and cooking just isn't something I have time for right now....so ANYWAYS...

The plan is that on my way to work every day I will stop by subway and get a foot long sandwich (I usually get the oven roasted chicken breast, but I will mix it up sometimes), and then I will eat half for lunch and half for dinner. This fits into my grocery budget and will leave me money to get smoothie stuff for breakfast, and a large bag of baked chips to split into ziploc bags to go with my sandwiches, plus some fruit and maybe weight watchers fudgesicles or something. It's a lot healthier then I'm eating right now, it's easy, I won't even have to stop on the way home to get food, and it will (hopefully) get me back on the right track. I think once I start to see that weight come back off again, I will feel a little more motivation to keep going, and then maybe I'll start mixing it up. Plus it might give me more energy then the junk I have been eating, and maybe I'll even find the energy to wake up early in the mornings and get my butt back to the gym (especially since right now, I'm paying for a membership that I haven't been using)!!

I know it's not the ideal situation....cooking at home would be a lot healthier...but I honestly feel like that is what is causing me to mess up....feeling like the only way to be healthier is to cook at home and when i don't have time then I give up because no matter what I get it won't be as healthy as it would have been if I cooked at home, so I go all out and get a cheeseburger and the large fries and the large soda without feeling guilty because I'm just so exhausted. I think this might be a happy medium that would be a good start for me. Now I just have to resist the temptation of those freshly baked subway cookies....lol >.<
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Old 10-18-2011, 10:00 PM   #15
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Sounds like you've worked out a pretty good plan! Especially since it's anytober this month at subway! Haha and I love baked chips! Pretty much every food you mentioned I eat all the time! You could also try making something over the weekend (or whenever you have time) and then having leftovers ready for you when you get home from a long day of work. Good luck and I hope that your plan works out for you and gets you motivated!
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