I wish my family would have taken the time, sat me down and had a heart to heart with me about my weight.
I know they didn't because they didn't want to upset me. But I really do wish they would have mentioned something, or offered to help me. ANYTHING!
My whole family is(was) overweight. My mother and grandmother both had Gastric Bypass surgery. I remember my mother being so big that she couldn't fit into the drivers seat unless the steering wheel was pushed all the way up.
I knew that not all families were our size, and shape.
When I was in fourth grade my grandfather would make me do crunches before bed. I didn't ask why, I just went along with it. I thought it was fun..
He knew that weight was an issue in our family. I guess you can say he saw what was coming for me, and wanted to try and help.
When I got older, no one mentioned anything to me. GRRR
I'm not blaming them for my weight as I got older. But they didn't help. My grandmother would tell me it's ok to eat icecream, and pie for breakfast. That isn't helping!
Ugh. I got to 200lbs by my sophomore year in highschool. I found pictures from my homecoming, and trips that we took.
Back then, I honestly didn't think that I was overweight. I looked like my family. It was regular to me. Looking at those picture today ( I thought I deleted them all when I got a new computer,I found them on a old External Harddrive) I broke down. There is no reason for a 15 year old to be the size I was. I know that there are people bigger than me at that age. But it shook me up today..
I just needed to rant about this I guess.
I just don't know why no one stopped me, and told me that what I was doing, isn't what I should have been doing. Why didn't they say anything? How is a 15 year old supposed to know that what her family does isn't always the right thing!
I can't believe I never thought that I looked overweight. Hmpf.
I attached a picture, so you could see what I'm talking about. I refused to EVER take full body shots. I also added with me now. Just so I can see the difference!
Congratulations on taking charge of your health.You are a beautiful girl. We can't change what has happened in the past. We can only move forward and you are doing that. Good luck in the future.
I just don't know why no one stopped me, and told me that what I was doing, isn't what I should have been doing. Why didn't they say anything?
But then earlier you wrote this.
Quote:
Back then, I honestly didn't think that I was overweight. I looked like my family. It was regular to me.
I think that's your answer. They didn't tell you because it was your family "normal and it was all regular to them.
I think you look like a nice girl in the dance photos. I also think you are beating yourself over the past. Why do that? That's no way to face the future.
In your progress photo you STILL look like a nice girl. So do what you want to do, but chalk up life learning experiences as just that -- life learning experiences.
I've always wondered the opposite. What would have happened if my parents hadn't criticized my weight, hadn't forced me to onto all those diets throughout my childhood and adolescence, starting in kindergarten? What if they hadn't told me that I was lazy, crazy, stupid or bad for eating, feeling hungry, wanting to eat, for not sticking to the diets they put me on, for being the only person in the family to have ever been overweight as a child?
I think it's easy to think "my life would be better if only x, y, or z had happened differently."
Maybe things would have been better. Maybe they would have been worse. Maybe there would have been no difference at all.
I come from an overweight family, too. My sister weighs a lot more than me, and doesn't seem to care about it, but I don't think I could ever say anything to her about it. I would feel like I would be hurting her feelings.
Also, I know that because I'm overweight, she would feel that I was in no place to "criticize" or advise her. Maybe that's the bind that your family was in, too?
Thank you for all the support!!
I called my mom and asked her. She said that because of her weight in the past, she hated when people brought it up.
I also IM'ed my nana, and she said the same thing. And that she knew that when I was ready to address it I would.
They were caught off guard when I asked, but I'm happy I did.
I also became WAY overweight by the time I was 13/14. I was extremely unhappy.
I look back now and realize my mom, the dieting queen, never understood what healthy was. Even to this day, despite the fact that she was on WW, etc, still doesn't know how to eat healthy and weight loss is tied to fasting or fad dieting.
Actually, I think she thinks the only people that lose weight are geniuses OR people who have gotten very lucky.
I used to be angry with her about being fat..... she bought the really terrible, cheapest foods full of preservatives from Aldis. The only vegetables we ever had were canned. She put tons of butter in her food, whether necessary or not. I shudder when I look back and see pictures of myself at 230 - 240 lbs and much shorter than I am now.
I'm not mad anymore. I feel more sorry for her that she never really learned how to be healthy.
I think your mother and grandmother are quite similar - insofar as we have learned much more about healthy weight loss in the past couple years, especially with the internet. They couldn't do all this research or talk to other people who have lost weight and ask how they did it. So, how were they supposed to help you lose weight if they themselves didn't really understand what it was all about?
My Mother literally couldn't help me lose - she didn't want to put her daughter through the painful cabbage soup diet or terrible tasting diet shakes. That was all she knew.
So, I really believe your relatives didn't step in because they didn't exactly know how to help you. They couldn't even help themselves.
Everytime my mum and rest of my family tried to talk about my weight, no matter how they went about it (nicely, forcefully etc) I would just shut down, refuse to talk about it, get defensive and refuse to listen. It was a no-go subject for me. Looking back on it now, I realise that I wasn't in the right frame of mind to accept how big i'd gotten and that I needed to lose weight, I needed to come to the decision off of my own back and for my own reasons otherwise it wouldn't have worked.
I might offend some people here, but I think it's down to bad parenting. If they let their own insecurities and their own beliefs on weight influence how you ended up then it's wrong. I'm sorry, but I hate seeing fat kids and then seeing that their parents are fat who helped them become that way. When you bring a life into the world, you should make sure they're healthy and happy - not start them off on a road to childhood obesity. It's just selfish.
Even though they answered your question, it's probably because they were inflicting their own ideologies onto you. But, the most important thing is that you did take control, and wow - you look incredible now. What do they think about your weight loss? I hope they're incredibly proud of you and think you look amazing.
I think it's probably part of the "Grass is always greener" idealology. I came from a family that DID tell me that I was too fat, and honestly I would have rather not have had that experience.
My sister and I were both "overweight" as kids, but in different ways. I was the "taller" one (5'4 to 5'2, so not that much of a difference), but I was active. I was constantly riding my bike, walking around, etc. I was about 160 lbs in high school, which is technically overweight, but I looked thin (a little too thin, if you ask me). I had (and still do) have a lot of muscle mass, so I was the same size as some of my HS counterparts who weighed less.
My sister, on the other hand, wasn't/isn't as active and is drastically overweight. If I had to guestimate how much she weighed, it was have to be in the upper 200's (maybe 270 ish). She's yo-yoed a few times, but never really gotten down to what could be seen as a healthy weight.
Funny thing was, *I* was the one who my parents gave advice on how to lose weight. My mother would put me on diets, constantly comment about what I was eating and she was the first one to tell me that I was gaining weight. No one ever said one word to my sister - it was almost as if they were making her feel better about herself by putting me down. I don't really hold any ill will at them for this - they were never really good at expressing feelings or talking about things, it's just an observation.
And now it's come down to my father asking me to do (physical) things because my sister "can't" help him. She wants boxes in my old room, but she can't carry them, so I have to. She's essentially been coddled all of her life, and I'm starting to wonder if I should say somethig to her about her weight, and how it would be received. It's not the most supportive family to lose weight in (my dad's a huge food policeman), and she KNOWS that she's unhealthy, but it's getting over the mental block of thinking that she can do it.
So, long story short, I think it's all about perspective. The important thing is that you're changing your ways now, while you're still young, and drastically improving your life
i know exactly what you mean its like that in my family to!! the last time i remember being in the 100's was in 6th grade i was 140-150. then suddenly by freshman yeas i was over 200 and now my highest weight was 255. i dont know how or why it happened but i know that my children WILL Godwilling get a healthy start. : )
Last edited by jessica2231; 10-14-2011 at 09:14 AM.
Reason: spelling
I know where you're coming from. But you've made amazing progress so far
It's taken me years to undo the bad habits I learned as a child. The bad food, the wrong amounts...
I used to have ice cream every day. When I was in elementary school. My mother would just give it to me (seriously mom?).
I was a slow eater when I was little (which in hindsight was GOOD for me) and I was tiny back then (both height and weight! haha!). Everyone around me forced me to eat faster, even at school the aides would yell at me to just finish my lunch. As an adult I now still struggle with NOT scarfing down my food and I just wish everyone had left me alone. Instead of me having to purposely pace my eating now, I could just eat.
I always wonder what would have happened if my parents had healthier food around (now we do), if I hadn't gotten an ice cream every day or if everyone had just left me the f alone when I ate too slow for them. Would I not have had the childhood I did? Would I be in a different place now?
I guess I'll never know. All I DO know is what NOT to do when I have children.
What I've also realized (in regards to the healthy food) is that we didn't have a lot of money growing up.
I barely ate vegetables as a kid because I HATED them. We could only afford canned - canned vegetables are horrible. It wasn't until I "grew up" and moved out on my own that I realized I really LOVE fresh vegetables. And I also realized how damn expensive they are, but this has forced me to learn how to bargain-hunt, etc. Not saying my mom didn't do that, because she totally did, but I've become less criticial of the "way" she raised me now that I have to feed myself.
And I don't see anything wrong with ice cream every day, as long as it's in moderation I have to have chocolate every day, otherwise WW3 will break out
I also became WAY overweight by the time I was 13/14. I was extremely unhappy.
...
So, I really believe your relatives didn't step in because they didn't exactly know how to help you. They couldn't even help themselves.
Very well put. I feel that way about my family too. I think they really just don't understand what it is like to have a healthy relationship with food, so how could they teach me that?
With my own daughter we really are trying to do things different. She rarely gets dessert and if she does it's normally fruit, sometimes frozen yogurt or homemade cookies (no sugar in them). However, I have infinitely MORE resources out there than my parents did. I have tons of books filled with healthy recipes and I can always scour the internet to find something new. We also know a lot more about health and nutrition now-a-days AND I've been through a major weight loss journey (still going through it for that matter) so I've had to be really conscious of my habits and my relationship with food, not something that everyone does.
We also have more money than my parents did AND live in a very large city with grocery stores stocked with fresh fruits and veggies. I can find almost anything I want in terms of meat/fruit/veggies (although the price may be high at times!). Those options were certainly NOT available to my parents. Where we live we have a gym/pool/playground in our apt building so, yeah, getting outside and exercises is pretty simple. When I was young we lived in a trailer court with no playground in site, so it was a very different experience. Moreover, most of my friends are at healthy weights and already have healthy relationships with foods, not something that all my parent's friends had either, so I definitely think that DH and I are in a very different environment compared to our parents.
Why didn't they say anything?!
