[sontaikle]

I wonder if any of you can give me some advice. I haven't had any experience with significant weight loss before.

I'm toying with the idea of maintaining for a while, but I think this popped into my head after my mother—who has rarely said anything about my weight loss other than "good job!"—said she thinks I'm "done." She really didn't give a reason for this other than that she thinks I'll never be "skinny." I don't really need her to tell me this; I know I have a large frame (my ribcage is 35" and there isn't anything left around it for me to lose. Even squeezing the tape measure as tight as I can until I can't breathe results in a measurement of something SLIGHTLY under 35") so I won't ever get down to 110 or something like that.

I asked my fiancee (and I had to prod him, because he always thinks I'm fine, haha) and he says I probably shouldn't lose more than 20 pounds AT THE MOST. 15 pounds would probably be ideal. He thinks that much more than that I might look sickly.

I'm wondering if I look too sickly or something or if people are just so used to the larger me that it's hard to compare to the new me. I know that I'm my worst critic and sometimes I really wish I could see me how other people see me.

I'm questioning if I can safely even get down to 130, as I know large-framed folks tend to flirt with the normal and overweight BMI and still be considered at a healthy weight. I also lift weights and exercise hard regularly, so I likely look smaller than I actually weigh.

My weight loss has slowed, but not to the extent that it's become impossible to lose without taking drastic measures. I'm assuming that this means I still have more to lose but I honestly can't be sure. I'm just not happy completely right now and I'll be honest, I want a somewhat flat stomach and right now I still got that two stomachs thing going on. It's slowly, slowly disappearing and I just know that pretty soon it'll be somewhat sorta flat. I don't need a completely flat stomach, just something that's KIND OF flat.

After my TL;DR post, my question is: Would it be a good idea to try out maintenance for a while, get used to this weight before diving into weight loss mode again? Should I ignore everyone and try to get to my goal of 130? Should I ask more people who see me regularly?

Maybe I should keep going until I get my sort of flat stomach.

[bargoo]

If I wer you, I would keep going. See how you feel and look as you go down. Weight loss does slow down a bit after a little while. You are doing a great job.

[danzingurl77]

I would just keep on going until YOU are happy with yourself and feel your best. Hopefully, you didn't begin a weight loss journey for your mom or boyfriend, you started it for yourself, right? so you should only make changes whenever YOU think you need to! :-) so I would figure out where you feel the most happy and healthy, and of you do discover that you start to feel too thin or "sickly skinny", we all know it's sure easier to put pounds on than to take them off ;-)

[runningfromfat]

I agree with the others. Stop when you are ready, don't do it for anybody else. Honestly? Most people have no clue what a healthy BMI looks like. People will tell you that you're too thin when you're overweight, I've heard numerous stories like that on 3FC! Also, people (men especially) have no clue what a 20lb loss looks like. It took a long time for DH to believe how much I lost so far and sometimes he'll still ask me, if I'm sure.

FWIW, I have a large frame (although I do have a small ribcage) and I looked just fine at 140lbs (although I doubt going much below that would be wise for me) and I'm 3 inches taller than you. I certainly didn't looked sickly at 140lbs! I was a runner and looked great actually. I think for the vast majority of people unless you're an extreme weight lifter or something, getting to a health BMI is a realistic goal. Now getting to the lower end is another thing entirely and I really believe you do need to have a small frame for that for it to be healthy but beyond that I don't see any problems at all with you shooting for a healthy BMI!!!

Also, I found this calculator to be fairly accurate when it comes to frame size (at least according to my own history) :http://www.superskinnyme.com/ideal_w...alculator.html

[sontaikle]

Thank you so much everyone and let me make something clear, I'm not doing this for anyone but myself! If my fiancee ever told me to lose weight, he would be sent packing immediately he met me at my starting weight so he can't even complain about me gaining weight if he wanted to! I do value his input though and since I will be spending the rest of my life with him I do genuinely care what he thinks but I will ultimately make the decision myself.

I don't think I've ever been at a healthy weight, so I think I'm almost sort of freaking out now that I'm getting close. I'm getting the body I never thought possible. Sometimes I wish I could go back and give this newfound knowledge to my high school self I was so miserable back then (I believe I was 220 or more, but I didn't weigh so I can't be sure).

bargoo - Thanks

danzingurl77 - Haha! too true! It's wayyy too easy to put those pounds right back on!

runningfromfat - you always give the best advice ever Thanks, I'm pretty sure I can get into the 130s now. I really found that site to be a useful resource.

I was worried that my mom didn't really know what a healthy bmi looks like, but you're totally right, most people just DON'T know what that looks like. I remember telling my fiancee that I was in the overweight BMI range and he looked at me like I was crazy! My Wii fit still yells at me and everything

[runningfromfat]

Ah, shucks, thanks.

Originally Posted by sontaikle

I don't think I've ever been at a healthy weight, so I think I'm almost sort of freaking out now that I'm getting close. I'm getting the body I never thought possible. Sometimes I wish I could go back and give this newfound knowledge to my high school self I was so miserable back then (I believe I was 220 or more, but I didn't weigh so I can't be sure)

I really can relate to this. It's been so long since I've been at a healthy BMI (almost ten years now, yikes!) that it's hard to remember what it felt like. I can look back at pictures and know what I looked like, but the feeling of being secure in the knowledge that I'm a healthy weight? That's really beyond me at this point. It's hard to know what to expect too because my body has changed so much over the years (especially after having a very large baby!) that I really am both excited and nervous about the end results.

All I can say, though, is hang in there. You are doing amazingly well! I think it's great that you're dealing with this now and starting to prepare yourself for hitting your goal soon. That way it won't sneak up on you.

Originally Posted by sontaikle

I was worried that my mom didn't really know what a healthy bmi looks like, but you're totally right, most people just DON'T know what that looks like. I remember telling my fiancee that I was in the overweight BMI range and he looked at me like I was crazy! My Wii fit still yells at me and everything

This has been posted before on 3FC so maybe you've already seen it but it's a gallery of women at different BMI's. It might help you to add a bit of perspective.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7736776...7602199008819/

[OhThePlaces]

I agree with the others... don't short-change yourself! You are doing so great and if you're not yet satisfied, keep going! I'm close to 130 and don't look sickly AT ALL... I have more than enough meat left on my bones and I'm a couple of inches taller than you too. My advice would be to adjust your goal as you go.

[tkdtara84]

I think your mom is probably just used to seeing you overweight, honestly. I have had hte same thing happen to me. At this weight, my best friend keeps telling me I should be done, or the most, ten more pounds. I have been ten pounds lighter, and while I looked good at a size 8 then, I still had plenty of fat on me. I think when you start out seeing someone so overweight, especially for a long time, then when they do get thinner, they seem to be thinner than they are just by comparison.

And yes, for your height (without seeing you in person, of course), I think you could definitely get to 130 and look (and BE!) quite healthy, large frame or not.