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Is it a unhealthy mentality to want to be thinner?

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Old 09-16-2011, 12:13 PM   #1
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Default Is it a unhealthy mentality to want to be thinner?

For almost all my life I've been a plus plus size. I went on a diet last year and went from 230 to 127(last night weigh in). All of my friends and parents are shocked that I were able to lose that much.

However recently my mom has been bugging me about me being obsessed with losing weight and is progressing towards the mentality of aneroxia.

I intially set my goal to be 140(145) then I just kept moving it down a little by little because I am still not happy about my appearance. When I hit 130 I decided that I am fine, but when I went to try out this super girly dress store called Betsy Johnson, I can't fit into a size 8! I am normally a size 4-6 but I had to wear size 10 with betsy's. It was a big shock to me and I was extremely discouraged/butthurt.

Recently I've been dreading to eat anything. I had a 6inch subway and a cup of noodle yesterday and have been kicking myself ever since. I love food, the greatest moment of my day is to eat food. But, for some reason, I just can't eat anything without feeling extremely guilty.

My mom officially announced to me she doesnt want me losing more weight infact, she wants me to gain 10pounds. I don't want to be unhealthy weight and I am so far from being underweight. I would love to get some insight on how you guys deal with similar situation, am I really progressing towards a mental illness?
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Old 09-16-2011, 12:44 PM   #2
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Your BMI is 21.1 according to your height of 5'5 and weight of 127. That is normal. You are not too thin nor are you overweight.

You shouldn't feel guilty about eating food. Don't starve yourself because you'll mess up your metabolism and eating again will cause you to regain the weight back. I'm by no means a doctor but may be you should go see a specialist and talk to them about how you're feeling with food.

I love Betsey Johnson. Their clothing line runs small. I always have to buy up to 2 sizes bigger but that doesnt mean that I'm bigger. My sister who is a size double 0 has to buy up to a size 4 with Betsey Johnson. Keep your head up.
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Old 09-16-2011, 12:47 PM   #3
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And it's okay to change your goal as you get closer to it as long as that goal is healthy. My initial goal was 120 then I changed it to 110 then 113 and now 110. I'm thinking of changing it again to 105. That doesn't mean I. Obsessed with weight loss. That's just reevaluating my goals as I get closer. As long as my BMI is in a healthy range then I don't have anything to worry about.

Now with that you also have to take into consideration your frame size.
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Old 09-16-2011, 12:49 PM   #4
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Congratulations on your weight loss! That is so amazing! You have now lowered your chances of developing diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, etc. Which I think is a far greater achievement than what size label you are in a certain designers' clothing, since those are almost always arbitrary.

I just did some calculating and you are at a BMI of 21. That is smack-dab in the middle of a healthy weight range for your height. You are perfectly fine according to the calculator.

While wanting to be a certain size is a wonderful motivator, it isn't really realistic. Even at my heaviest (209) I was able to wear my size 10 skirt and size 8 dress. If I had gone by sizes only I would have never lost weight. Sure, I was wearing my "normal" sizes but I was eating crap every day, not exercising, drinking too much, etc. etc. etc. Now, I am almost thirty pounds lighter and still in an "official" size 14.

It might be that you never get into a certain size from a specific designer but that is okay because you have now reached a healthy weight and that will benefit you more than having a piece of paper with a tiny number on it. What is important now is to maintain.


I would suggest holding off on dieting and restricting yourself and maybe focus on lifting weights or some exercise if you want to lose some inches.

You might also want to consult with a therapist who is trained with body issues, etc.

Good luck!
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Old 09-16-2011, 01:05 PM   #5
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First of all, congrats on your loss. That is a HUGE (no pun intended!) accomplishment!

Your weight/bmi is fine, as others have said. It's hard to also ask those who are closest to you as they're probably still comparing you to your previous weight. You'll always look extremely skinny compared to that weight, so it might be hard for family members to see you objectively. I have this issue right now. My family and friends are calling me skinny, but I'm not (my bmi is in the overweight range still).

DO NOT let buying one thing in a "larger" size start an eating disorder! Sizes can run weird, and unless you're suddenly buying size 10s in every brand you really shouldn't worry. Just think of the size you would have had to buy at your old weight and then remember how far you've come.

I changed my goal weight recently (and many others on the forum do as they get closer to their original goal). It used to be 140 but I really thought I could tack another 10 pounds on, so I did. It's also hard for people like us, who have always been plus size. We don't know what we'd look like at a "healthy" weight until we get there...so adjustments are needed sometimes

Please don't feel down and PLEASE don't feel guilty for eating. Like you, I love food and as a fellow food-lover I would hate to see you end up with a relationship that is completely opposite of that.
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Old 09-16-2011, 01:09 PM   #6
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The biggest thing in your post that makes me worry is that you mention you dread eating. I would be somewhat worried about that and because of that, I'd deal with your issues surrounding eating before you decide one way or another about losing more weight. You're at a healthy weight right now so it's not like changing your weight needs to be an immediate thing.

If I were you I'd seriously ask myself why I feel the need to get thinner? Is it at all related to being scared of going back to your previous state? Is it because you want to lose inches (why not do more weight lifting then?)? Is it because you've developed issues with food and want to avoid it? Really sit down and think about it.

I don't know your mother at all. Sometimes the people close to us have a hard time adjusting to seeing us thin. However, sometimes they do say these things out of concern and the part where you are dreading eating, well, your mother might be seeing that and be worried about you.

Like others said, aiming for a perfect size is a completely lost cause! I like reading this blog: http://www.vanitysizing.com/ (specifically look at the stuff on sizing entropy). I should warn you that the tone can be fairly condescending at times but basically it boils down to more expensive labels run smaller because they are selling their products to a smaller sized consumer base. So the people who are buying Betsey Johnson clothes are probably a lot smaller than those buying from Old Navy so it makes sense for Betsey Johnson clothes to run a lot smaller because they have to cater to their audience.

Instead it makes much MORE sense to work on specific body measurements. That's where weight lifting can help TREMENDOUSLY. Obviously, you can't change your body shape but you can change the width.

Another thing you really need to think about is what is your body frame? If you have large frame getting down to the lower end of your BMI might not be a good idea and could be extremely hard to maintain. If you have a smaller frame then it could be possible.

And maintenance is another thing. How are you doing maintaining your current weight? Is it hard/easy? If it's already difficult for you then it's probably better to stay there because if you lose more you might be at risk for giving up entirely due to it being too hard to maintain.
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Old 09-16-2011, 06:14 PM   #7
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First off, congratulations on your weight loss!!! That's a tremendous accomplishment! As per your question, it's not unhealthy to want to be healthy. The operative word is "healthy." Now that you've reached your goal (albeit a different one than you originally started off with), what continues to motivate you?

Several here have posted comments referencing your standing in BMI. Keep in mind that the BMI does not account for discrepancies. I.e. Not everyone is made the same. We all carry weight differently.

While I wouldn't jump the gun and say you need to seek professional help, as you continue to maintain your fantastic weight loss, I do think you should keep open lines of communication with those close to you. Trust that your loved ones are looking out for your best interest, and openly discuss where you're coming from with not wanting to gain 10 lbs or more. There are underlying issues that should be addressed.

Side note: Just remember, you're not alone when it comes to feeling butthurt about having to go up a size (or more) when trying on designer (or any) clothes!

Best of luck!
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Old 09-16-2011, 06:28 PM   #8
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I think you're being a tad sensitive my dear! You've achieved SO MUCH in your weight loss, like holy wow you've lost so much weight! You're the same height as me and I would LOVE to be at your weight right now! You're perfectly healthy at that weight, so don't let some tiny dress make you feel like you have to cut back! Seriously, I can be a smaller size in one shop and another shop won't even stock my size! It all varies.

Just remember where you came from, remember that you're healthy and ROCK IT! I would LOVE to be where you are!!
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Old 09-16-2011, 08:25 PM   #9
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Your weight is perfectly fine. Super normal.

What worries me... is that you allowed a number on a dress to affect your mood so much. And then, even more so, you're allowing feelings of guilt to be associated with eating and sustenance. Things you need to live.

I'm going to use an example for how this seems. Let's pretend there's a store at the mall, but they use some very strange sizes. Store X. Where one place might sell a dress that's size 6, Store X sells dresses that are size 152. The measurements for the dresses are exactly the same. They fit the same. It's just that at one place it's got this little tag on it that says "size 6" and at Store X the super cute dress has a little tag on it that says "size 152".

Would you really allow the strange sizing at Store X to affect your day? After all, it's the same dress. It's the same cut. It's just that Store X decided to make up their own number system.

Guess what. That's how ALL designers do things. They make up their own number system. Sometimes even within different fashion seasons sizes can be all over the place by the same brand!

Take a step back a moment and read your entry as if it were your best friend. She's depressed about a dress size, and then she starts feeling guilty after eating anything...Would you be concerned for her?
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Old 09-16-2011, 11:00 PM   #10
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Thank you girls so so much for your words <3 I read every word and I am really happy to be a part of such caring community.

I realized that I may have a issue. I didn't eat anything for today and went straight from classes - work for 12 hours. I was extremely starved but the thought of "oh maybe if I didnt eat I can lose 1 pound" is just echoing in my head and I couldn't fight it.

I just got home, and after reading some of your replies, I went into the kitchen and am cooking into a Italian pasta with beef stew(left over).

My weight have been completely stall and just frustrates me so much. Sometimes when I eat almost nothing my weight would not change. I also have the biggest problem going to the washroom.

I will try to eat more and I do want to be healthy.

Stupid silly dress, I will not let it bother me again <3

Thank you ladies!

Last edited by Ivonnely : 09-17-2011 at 01:15 AM.
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Old 09-16-2011, 11:57 PM   #11
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I am so glad to hear it! You (everyone, really) are way more than a number on a piece of paper that is sown onto the neck of fabric. Keep maintaining, make sure your life is balanced and enjoy it. You have made such amazing progress and are truly an inspiration to many!
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Old 09-17-2011, 11:42 AM   #12
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Congratulations on your loss. I think it happens when you've been consumed by weight and food and dieting for so long. My mom also worries about me and thinks I've become a little too obsessive about food, eating etc. I confess sometimes, I too catch myself in such disordered thinking or eating in a disordered way before I realize and strive to fix it. I totally understand where you're coming from but like everyone's said you've done soooo soooo well. Don't let your size in 1 shop demoralize you and make you unhealthy. It's a constant battle to stay healthy and make progress without falling on either side of unhealthy eating.
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Old 09-17-2011, 01:52 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivonnely View Post
For almost all my life I've been a plus plus size. I went on a diet last year and went from 230 to 127(last night weigh in). All of my friends and parents are shocked that I were able to lose that much.

However recently my mom has been bugging me about me being obsessed with losing weight and is progressing towards the mentality of aneroxia.

I intially set my goal to be 140(145) then I just kept moving it down a little by little because I am still not happy about my appearance. When I hit 130 I decided that I am fine, but when I went to try out this super girly dress store called Betsy Johnson, I can't fit into a size 8! I am normally a size 4-6 but I had to wear size 10 with betsy's. It was a big shock to me and I was extremely discouraged/butthurt.

Recently I've been dreading to eat anything. I had a 6inch subway and a cup of noodle yesterday and have been kicking myself ever since. I love food, the greatest moment of my day is to eat food. But, for some reason, I just can't eat anything without feeling extremely guilty.

My mom officially announced to me she doesnt want me losing more weight infact, she wants me to gain 10pounds. I don't want to be unhealthy weight and I am so far from being underweight. I would love to get some insight on how you guys deal with similar situation, am I really progressing towards a mental illness?
Just some thoughts:

How did you lose the weight? What makes you think that you have to not eat anything to lose more weight? That doesn't make sense. If you lost weight by eating a healthy balanced diet, then why couldn't you continue to lose weight that way?

I don't know how much exercise you do, but sometimes you can stay the same weight and your body shape will change due to the type of exercise you are doing. You could stay at 124 (your goal I see) and not be able to fit into a dress, but then do hot yoga (or whatever) for 6 months, be 124 and then be able to fit into the dress. See what I mean?

Congrats on your loss!!

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Old 09-17-2011, 04:45 PM   #14
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I've seen some great results in body composition from restricting carbs. It may be a way to free yourself from the food obsession. if you google "dirty carnivore" or "zero carb" it should come up with some good stuff
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Old 09-17-2011, 05:01 PM   #15
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To answer some of you questions, again, ty for such amazing community:

I lost weight purely by eating next to nothing. I went for 6 months on very low calories with no carbs and just steamed vegetables/chicken or pork. I had very little amount of sugar and I haven't had french fries for a very very long time..( I work at McDonald, so you can imagine the temptation lol.)

I have sport - induced - asthma. If I run for more than 2 blocks, my asthma sets in and at my current situation I can't really afford medical bills.

I did almost no exercise and just working/studying most of the time during the year.

I know it's extremely unhealthy, and I wouldn't advise anyone to do anything alike. I am paying the price ;(
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