[Rechyl]

rechyl- what happened around the end of January? Hae you tried to get help for the sleep? Sleep is a big part of what i do for a job, but sometimes i get over excited and people are like, actually i dont want help with this right now xD Also, what is your plan? Lots of people are like "ok im going to change everything and be perfect and as long as i do that i'll be ok" but actually, no one can change their whole life around in one day and the people who manage to keep going usual made little changes gradually. You DO deserve to be happy and healthy. Swinging from starving and exercising so hard you throw up, to eating lots and not exercising is probably not helping you to feel happy


I cant think of anything that happened other than me and my bf going through a rough patch but that is all sorted now so i don't think its that still affecting me. I don't have a doctor because i'm fed up of them telling me i'm fat - i already know that. When i do sleep now i have awful nightmares (for months now) so sometimes i'm scared to go to sleep. I desperately want to have a full nights sleep. I have tried over the counter sleeping pills but they have no effect. I've tried relaxation and drinking booze until i pass out and they don't help either. I really am struggling through lack of sleep.

My plan is eat less and do more so its pretty simple really. nothing is off limits in moderation and nothing is bad. Ive been having cereal/toast for breakfast with a cup of tea, fruit about 11 am, salad for lunch, rice cakes for afternoon snack and then a smaller portion of normal dinner (since my bf refuses to change what he eats and i am too tired to cook two meals).
I have cut down on my fizzy juice intake and instead drink sugar free squash or plain water. I exercise 3-4 times a week at the gym (treadmill, cross trainer, bike and weights for about an hour). Ive been trying to lose weight since christmas and have managed to lose a bit but i just seem to be stuck not losing any for weeks at a time and then ill lose 1lb and be stuck for weeks.
What makes it harder is my bf has been eating normally but running 3-4 times a week (5k) and he has lost about 16lbs in 9 weeks and he doesnt understand how hard it is for me not seeing any change when i feel like im busting my gut every day trying to be "good". He will bring home pastries and chocolate and i have been able to resist them so far (sometimes im not even tempted) but i just wish he would be more supportive. Especially when he says he would like it if i lost some weight and be back to how i was when we first met.

Sometimes i just feel like it would be better if i wasnt here. But then i think stop wallowing - there are people much worse off and then i pick myself up and carry on.
I know its partly the lack of sleep and partly the weight getting me down i just cant seem to fix either of them.


Im glad i found this site and you lovely ladies. With support like this i can see myself being successful.

[Iconised Ghost]

Whats the content of the nightmares? I mean, i dont want details if you dont want to share, but are they related to past trauma kinda thing? Or just seem to be pretty random?
What's your evening schedule like? Sometimes there are simple sleep hygine things that can help
Your plan sounds pretty sound, how different is it to your previous pattern of eating? For the salad- is it just leafy? or do you have some meat or anything else in there? might be that if its just leafy salad isnt giving you enough. And your bf doesnt sound particularly supportive when he says that at all, does he know how that affects you? It might be worth having that conversation with him, i dunno.

Sometimes i just feel like it would be better if i wasnt here I think its important that you find a doctor or support person and let them know you are feeling this way. They shouldnt be all omgyou'refaticanthelpyou, thats a sign of a sh** doctor imo. You've lost almost 10lb, thats not nothing! And no one deserves to feel like it would be better if they werent here

[Rechyl]

They seem to be random - haven't had a specific nightmare relating to my past for months now. They are mostly something awful happening to me or someone i love e.g someone raping and killing my sister or someone breaking in and killing my bf in his sleep and me waking to find him next to me with his throat sliced open.
my evening schedule is get home from work, make dinner, clear up, watch tv/read/go on internet.
Before i would eat whatever i wanted, whenever i wanted and how ever much i wanted. A typical day would be no breakfast, a scone with butter and jam/crips/chocolate/bacon roll about 10.30 - 11. Lunch would be whatever i fancied - sandwich/baked potato/soup/pasta and crisps and chocolate, afternoon snack would be something like yogurt covered honeycomb or raisins, id have maybe bread and butter when i got home from work, same size dinner as my 6ft bf and then something nice for afters, then i might have toast or something later on. So i was eating a lot! I was also guzzling down at least 1 litre of diet coke a day.

My salad consists of mixed leaves, plum tomatoes, cucumber, carrot and some meat (2 slices ham or some chicken breast).

[Iconised Ghost]

Your eating/exercise plan sounds good to me. You can get yoghurt covered honey comb?!? Sometimes im glad i live somewhere where these things take a while to get to us

Do you usually watch tv/internet right before going to bed? Usually thats a bad idea in terms of sleep. Reading is usually ok though...Your nightmares sound horrible