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Anyone else with terrible love life?

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Old 07-28-2011, 08:41 PM   #1
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Default Anyone else with terrible love life?

OK I confess it here
I've never had a lovelife...ever. If I'm chatting with other women I don't really know that well, and they talk about their past relationships and ask me about mine, I just embellish any crushes I've had as boyfriends, because I'd rather do that than say "Oh I've...never had one"
This weight made me even shyer around me (and a bit more invisible)
Next thing you know I'll be in "80 yr old virgin"
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Old 07-28-2011, 08:48 PM   #2
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I think confidence is really the key here. I've known lots of girls who were clinically obese that had boyfriend after boyfriend. They had infectious laughs and knew what they wanted out of life! That's sexy on ANY body type.
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Old 07-28-2011, 09:35 PM   #3
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Hi pixelllate. Thanks so much for sharing. I have definitely felt the same way. On my weight loss journey, dating has been one of the unexpected complications (it's lovely but also SCARY for someone with limited experience at the ripe old age of 26 and a trunk full of emotional baggage!).

I agree with xxkaleidoscopic that when you're confident and happy with yourself, at whatever weight or shape that is, you'll be in the best possible position to meet the right person for you. And remember, there's no rush!
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Old 07-28-2011, 09:49 PM   #4
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i agree with kaleidoscopic, confidence is the key. of course, when you've never had anything, it's scary to just jump out there. i was a virgin, who'd never had a boyfriend, until i was 22. i know what it's like.

after i lost weight, i met my first bf, but it wasn't until a few years ago, when i really became confident with myself, that i started getting lots and lots of male attention. even now, i'm definitely not "thin" or happy with the body that i have, but i have no problems finding guys who find me beautiful...

finding a guy who wants to stick around on the other hand... that's another story!! (my love life sucks too... just differently )
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Old 07-28-2011, 10:50 PM   #5
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I do not think it is confidence exactly. It is loving yourself. Before you can love anyone else, you have to love yourself first. And loving yourself, you can be OK alone, and THAT projects confidence.

Otherwise the monsters of "What do they really see me? I'm not worth it!" creep in and ruin a good thing. Or the "I better take this one even though I really know they stink because I'm only going to get crumbs if at all at the love table" All kinds of wacky just stemming form the fact of not loving onself.

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Old 07-28-2011, 11:06 PM   #6
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Pixelllate, I am 24 and I have no dating experience (I have never been asked out on a date). It is embarrassing and especially now that I am 24, people are asking when I am going to bring someone home. I am looking forward to dating after I've lost some more weight.
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Old 07-28-2011, 11:08 PM   #7
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Also ladies, don't forget, it's the 21st century! You can ask guys out, too! You'd be surprised how many of them are just as shy as you are!
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Old 07-29-2011, 01:21 AM   #8
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My dating life has been in the toilet for the last 2 years.

I decided that I'm going to bite the bullet and start dating this fall. Set up an internet dating profile, read some books and really work on my love life. I need to sort out some other things first, but if I wait until my life is "perfect" to do it, I'll probably be waiting forever.

Many of the women on this site have inspired me me greatly in this department. There's a thread floating around about women who weigh more than their man and it went on for pages. Hearing about numerous very heavy women who are in satisfying relationships is helping me get over my excuses.
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Old 07-29-2011, 01:49 AM   #9
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Hi - this is an interesting thread. I don't feel particularly attractive at the weight that I am at right now. I tried internet dating but I feel like because I don't really like myself I end up attracting people that I would NEVER want to go out with. I think that I have just shelved the whole dating part of my life until I am further in my journey. Besides I am a horrible multi-tasker. I don't think I could do dating and count points! Too complicated.
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Old 07-29-2011, 05:01 AM   #10
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I agree with what everyone is saying about confidence. People who are confident give off an energy that attracts people, male and female. It's true that some men will ignore women above a certain weight (or women of a certain race, or women who dress a certain way, or women who have bad teeth, etc. etc.), but it's also true that men are just as different from each other as women are! There are men who love larger women, and there are plenty of men who sincerely don't care if their SO's are fat or thin. Doesn't seem like that on TV, but it's true.

Obviously we're all here because we have weight concerns, but there are other ways to make yourself feel more confident! A new haircut can help. Really learning how to put on makeup and dress for your body type will help too. There are a lot of guides online and videos on youtube if you want help with this. The ladies at makeup counters can give you free advice too, but beware--sometimes they have very distinct styles that may not be your personal style.

I used to be painfully shy as a child, but I'm now incredibly sociable! I didn't "grow out of it." I had to make a conscious effort to change. It's hard and scary at first, but you just have to put yourself out there. Start speaking up in social situations, especially situations that aren't romantically charged. Once making conversation with strangers is easy, it becomes much easier to pick up conversations with men you're actually interested in.

All that aside, the best piece of advice about confidence is this: Fake it till you make it.

Seriously. Even if you don't feel confident, pretend that you do. Next time you go out, just put on a confident persona. Eventually, you'll realize that this "fake" confidence isn't fake after all. It'll become a part of you.

Don't delay. Life is waiting.
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Old 07-29-2011, 05:09 AM   #11
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Better love life is a motivation for me too... My love life sucks too... I have had a couple of short relationships in my life, so it's not that I don't have any dating experience at all. But at just 19 I am kinda already frowned upon for being a virgin and not having a boyfriend.

I do have offers from time to time, but I am picky and I don't want that crumbles that astrophe is talking about - I want to be able to give my best, so I can ask for the best in my partner.

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Old 07-29-2011, 05:51 AM   #12
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Just as others have said, confidence is key and you really need to love yourself before you can enter a healthy relationship. If you don't love yourself you may set yourself up for a horrible relationship as it will be easier for someone to take advantage of you. Trust me on this—I was nearly taken advantage of because I didn't love myself.

Once I accepted who I was and began to truly live and love myself, I found some wonderful friends who were in my same program (and we've stuck it out through undergrad and grad school! ) I met some guys that were interested in me (!!!) but I wound up turning them down because I didn't think they were dating material. Although, without even looking I met my fiancée. For most of our relationship I have been at my starting weight and he met and fell in love with me at that weight because of who I was, and he still loves me for who I am.

If you don't love yourself, then it's truly hard to attract and find the person you deserve to be with.
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Old 07-29-2011, 08:09 AM   #13
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i really like what firefoxy said! also, cute name and avatar!
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Old 07-29-2011, 08:42 AM   #14
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Agreed about what the other ladies have said about confidence!

I've always been comfortable being alone and haven't had any trouble enjoying life without men, or rather, without a boyfriend.

But, I've had those mopey singles blues days before, when you look around and it seems every couple is out and about pda-ing everywhere you go. I've come to realize that I have NOTHING to lose. If I show my interest in a man and he isn't interested back, so what?! I've made it through MUCH tougher things in my life, and know that I am just fine on my own!

It's always a work in progress to build up your confidence. Believe me, I am not there at all. The weight loss has really helped, but I still find myself thinking "what if he's just settling?" or "I bet he's not really interested"...etc, etc. At which point I smack myself around a bit and say screw it! If that's true, he's not worth it. Past "relationships" have damaged my confidence more than anything else, but now I know what to watch out for. There were men that preyed on my lack of self confidence- and that will not be happening again, because I love myself even on bad days. Ultimately, once you begin to work on yourself, you'll get stronger every day!
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Old 07-29-2011, 09:32 AM   #15
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As long as you're confident with yourself, then guys will find that sexy, No matter what you weigh. I've been 160lbs and I've been 230lbs, and boys have still found me interesting enough to spend a few months or even years with me. So it's all about YOU. The inside, not the package it comes in. If losing a few more pounds will help build up that confidence, then go for it. Maybe get a new haircut or have a friend give you a makeover.

It's cheesy, but remember: How can you let anyone love you, if you don't love yourself?
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