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Anyone else with terrible love life?

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Old 08-03-2011, 03:21 AM   #31
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maaan my love life was terrible til maybe last fall. when i was overweight, the only guys who asked me out were guys i knew were only into big girls, which i was confident i wasn't going to be forever. so til age 19 i was a virgin who'd never been on a date. i started losing weight at the start of college, and by freshman winter i was down to a healthy weight and getting hit on at parties all the time. but that does not equal a love life. i had hookups, i had casual sex, and i had constant validation, but it wasn't until the middle of sophomore year that i realized i needed something different. i started dealing with the emotional issues i had, stopped having random hookups, and found someone who knew all my **** but didn't care (he had been a good friend, and one day asked me out out of nowhere! i accepted because i knew he was a great person, and love grew from there). i don't necessarily love myself like i should, but he understands that, and we work on it together, just like i try to help him through his own identity issues. i never expected this kind of love, and it just fell into my lap. there's no person on earth it couldn't happen to, so don't ever feel like you're a lost cause
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Old 08-03-2011, 04:04 PM   #32
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Finally! I'm not the only one :\ I've also never had a boyfriend, as a matter of fact I don't think I've ever had a guy hit on me. Even though, my friends say that they've seen guys "break-neck" for me, I just don't believe them. I admit I have major self-esteem problems, I don't think I'm pretty or skinny...but I am very...no, extremely thankful for my best friend and friends for comforting me in that area to an extent. It's just sometimes, I wish I had that special someone you know? It's tough living somewhere where guys want your stereotypical girl as a girlfriend, and other things before an actual relationship. I do hope that I can build up my self-esteem and I'm able to find a nice guy...who knows what the future has in store.
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Old 08-08-2011, 03:06 AM   #33
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What a great thread! Its funny. I have had my friends who turned in to "a little more than friends" and the guys who hit on me because they wanted to get laid, and I've had those times where I am willing to go out with ANY guy regardless of who they were just to say in 5 years that, yea, I did have relationships. I had a very emotionally intense FIRST relationship when I was 17-18. We were planning to live together, get married and have kids. I eventually felt overwhelmed and broke it off which then led to about a year long torturous and VERY emotional stand off. I didn't really date anyone for a long time. I used the excuse of, "well, I want to get my life together before I think about another relationship when in reality I was flipping out because of how crazy that breakup was. Truthfully, I never thought another man would want me again so my weight followed my feelings--they both blew up. I would talk to guys, even at my heaviest, but nothing came of it. Finally, in the span of about a month, three guys confessed (drunkenly) that they were head over heels for me. I was taken aback at first but then became angry. Very angry. They liked me but never pursued it, probably because of my weight . Now that it has been some time and I have been able to mature I can understand why. There are friends I have that I am not attracted to physically, but their personalities have me completely hooked. It still makes me angry and its incredibly shallow but I'm guilty of the same thing. When I was finally able to get my life together and lose some pounds, my confidence began to rise and now I am ready for a relationship again. My personality is more bubbly and excited rather than funny and sarcastic. I'm getting more attention and am actually talking to two guys--both older than me, so I am being careful about what their intentions are, but regardless of what happens I know that I have been able to make the changes I needed. I took advantage of opportunities that were better for me and my social life rather than be too scared. What I think held me back the most was really not allowing myself to be available. Even people I knew in high school, that I had HUGE crushes on, will admit to me that they liked me too but never pursued it because I didn't act interested. That will make you think! Allow yourself to step into something uncomfortable--otherwise you'll never know what its like to live. If in the end you are still uncomfortable with it and you can't find one reason at the end of the night that would make you want to do it again, then you've lost nothing.

Kinda long and I apologize but this thread really hits a soft spot. Fear of rejection has got to be the #1 reason we do nothing....#2--taking chances. I still feel a scared girl pulling me back into her shell every time something new and exciting happens like someone asking me out--which doesn't happen often--but I've learned to tell that b!tch to shut up and go out! Do something! I would have to say the best advice I gave myself was to stop saying no to friends who asked me to go with them to this party, or this restaurant, or this bar and just do it! Why not?! What else am I doing tonight? Go out! Learn! If no men come out of it then at least you weren't at home sitting on the couch watching Lifetime with your cat! (which has been more than a night or two for me) I'm going to live life d@mnit even if it is a work night! I'm in my twenties, I'm going to go live! I might regret going out and having a couple of drinks until 1 in the morning on a Tuesday night but EFF it! I'm young, have no kids, no husband and no one to answer to. I''m tired of being a hermit.

Anyway, I hope I am not coming off as a lecturer and this ENTIRE post is as much of me reminding myself why I do what I do now in order to keep myself from regretting anything later as it is just trying to convince you all that I understand. I might sound like a party girl who wants anyone who can relate to this thread topic to learning something from me but I am REALLY not. I have had ONE serious relationship and NO other boyfriends. Over the last 5 years, since my break up, I have really had absolutely no serious inquiries from anyone. In fact, getting my @ss out with friends really depressed me because they were constantly getting attention and here I was the fat friend that was given pity "lines" by guys my friends rejected. I've learned there are a lot of jerks, douche b@gs, slime balls, and lying cheaters but occasionally you find someone worthy of more than 5 minutes of your time. At times, they take awhile, but they are there. You just cant wait for them to fall in your lap if all you are doing is staying at home (something my mother told me just before I got my sh!t together).

Remember, we are a species which seeks comfort and stability with others. We are not meant to be single and alone. We are meant to be matched.
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Old 08-08-2011, 03:17 AM   #34
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I had some terrible terrible experience with guys. I am 22 years old, engaged to the most awesome guy I can ever ask for, but everything before that has been lies and betrayal.

I grew up knowing that I am not beautiful. I've been called names by everyone, including my own mother, who used the word "inhuman" on me because she said I was so fat I don't even look like a human. My self confidence has been all time low and I've been rejected by every single guy I ever had a crush on, in the worst way imaginable too.

When I met my current Fiance, I wasn't exactly honest with him. We met through WoW, and I sent him fake picture because through my years of torment I learnt that guys are jerks, especially online, so unless you are beautiful/thin, they'll be jerks to you. When things got serious with me and my fiance, I ended up telling him the truth about those fake pictures and he didn't run away, actually he was very "cool" about it and just asked me to show him how I really look like, he said he doesn't care about appearance because he knew he loves me.

I was finally able to meet the right guy after so so so many terrible lucks wasting my life with other dicks. I guess what I want to say is if someone like me found true love, it'll surely happen to you too =) just give it time, good things do come last.
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Old 08-09-2011, 01:12 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivonnely View Post
I had some terrible terrible experience with guys. I am 22 years old, engaged to the most awesome guy I can ever ask for, but everything before that has been lies and betrayal.

I grew up knowing that I am not beautiful. I've been called names by everyone, including my own mother, who used the word "inhuman" on me because she said I was so fat I don't even look like a human. My self confidence has been all time low and I've been rejected by every single guy I ever had a crush on, in the worst way imaginable too.

When I met my current Fiance, I wasn't exactly honest with him. We met through WoW, and I sent him fake picture because through my years of torment I learnt that guys are jerks, especially online, so unless you are beautiful/thin, they'll be jerks to you. When things got serious with me and my fiance, I ended up telling him the truth about those fake pictures and he didn't run away, actually he was very "cool" about it and just asked me to show him how I really look like, he said he doesn't care about appearance because he knew he loves me.

I was finally able to meet the right guy after so so so many terrible lucks wasting my life with other dicks. I guess what I want to say is if someone like me found true love, it'll surely happen to you too =) just give it time, good things do come last.
Aw! Your story is cute and you're so right about guys online fortunately you got lucky.
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