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Old 07-20-2011, 02:23 AM   #76
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Originally Posted by luciddepths View Post
astrope i agree with you too... If its flattering? go for it, but majority of the time it ISNT.

So if someone really wants to "flaunt", "show off" or they just "Dont care"...get something that flatters your body type no matter you're size. Big or Small.

Wouldn't it be great if it were that simple - except no matter what you choose, some people will think it flatters you, and someone will think it doesn't - who's opininion do you follow?

And what if you believe nothing flatters your body? At nearly 400 lbs, I can tell you that nothing flattered my body. Particularly disturbing to me (and probably everyone else who looked at me) wasn't my sagging overhanging belly - that could (at least in theory) be covered by a princess or A-line swimdress (assuming I could find one, because they aren't always in fashion enough to be available).

It was my overhanging thighs (overhanging so much that even the longest available swimdress didn't cover my Michelin Man rolls).

For too long, we've told fat women, either explicitly or through not-so-subtle shunning that if they're too fat to find flattering clothing, they're obligated to hide themselves away until they have a body that is presentable.

Plus-size clothing has come a long way, but it's still not easy to find a flattering swimsuit if you have an unusual shape or are at the highest end of the spectrum.

Since I was seven, I (or when I was too young, my mother) often have been in the position of having to choose the least unflattering suit (or the one I could afford, ugly or not).

I remember my mom's swimsuit when I was a kid. It was not only an ugly brown, it was made out of the coarse "fat-lady" polyester (the scratchy, bullet-proof polyester). It covered more than most suits (the skirt came nearly to her knees), but even as a kid it made me want to cry, it was so ugly.

Some modern suits aren't much better, especially if you have special needs.as I do with my arthritis and fibromyalgia.

I need a two piece suit, because I can't wriggle into and out of a one-piece. Most of the skirted suits (the only ones that remotely aren't disgusting on my body) are either one piece, or so bleeping expensive that I have to take a loan out to buy one piece.

I'm on disability and a rather tight income. If I spend even $60.00 on a swimsuit, that means something else gets sacrificed. It could be presentable street clothes, or it could be necessary trip to the dentist.

I can find day clothing at the thrift shops if I shop carefully (if I start shopping three months before I need the clothing item - or I visit every shop in town, twice a week for a month).

I haven't ever yet found a swimsuit in my size in one of the thrift stores (yes, it's gross to buy a second-hand swimsuit - but I'm willing to swallow my pride and squeamishness and boil a second hand swimsuit to save $100 - though it's not really saving if you don't have it to begin with).

My current suit (the butt-ugly monstrosity I hate) was $20, on discount at BCOutlet.com (great website by the way for us poor fatties). At the time, I barely had the $20 to pay for the super-ugly suit. And despite hating the sight of it even on the thin model it was featured on (and of course, knowing I owuld hate it even more on my flabby body) I ordered it, because I really didn't have much choice. It was the ugly suit, or stay home.

No doubt tons of people seeing me in it think "God why didn't she choose something more flattering," I've seen "the look" and I want to shout (even though they didn't speak out loud, "because I can't afford a better looking suit, that's why!"

Of course that would be really weird, considering they don't actually SAY anything.



Sadly there are a lot of women (and some of them not even fat) who stay home because they can't find a flattering suit they can afford (and some can't even afford an ugly suit in their size).

And most pools won't let you in the pool with street clothes on (even if you bring a clean set to show them you're not planning on wearing what you came in) which means their definition of a swim suit is a commercially-available swim suit. Most pools say it's a hygeine issue, but that makes no sense as a swim suit can be just as raunchy-filthy as other types of clothing.


I know I'm ranting, I just wish there were more options for very large women in terms of swim suits in the cheap to affordable range (a woman shouldn't have to pay more for a swimsuit than she does on her monthly grocery bill).

Even just looser standards for what is considered acceptable for fat women at the pool would be helpful. At the beach and in local lake swimming areas you have more choice, but for me that's no choice, because with my immune issues it's only safe to swim in chlorinated water - which means private and public pools.

I swim any way. Even knowing I look stupid, ridiculous, or down right butt-ugly, because I don't have much hope of becoming less butt-ugly if I don't (and more importantly becoming more mobile).

But I still hate my ugly suit, and find it really hard to believe that I'd look any worse in a bikini (I'm not sure I could look worse completely naked).

Did I mention, I really hate this suit.
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Old 07-20-2011, 03:11 AM   #77
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You know ..sometimes i think nudity should be the norm...I mean..its obvious that society has an issue with peoples body images...so why not just all go naked so nothing can be hidden. I mean seriously...ok..yes.. i recognize that this will never happen..but its like..if no one could hide there body and we were forced to see people as they really are..maybe we would find more acceptance for body types instead of being grossed out by them..
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Old 07-20-2011, 10:16 AM   #78
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On the issue of fat acceptance vs. fat discrimination...

I've been thinking about that a lot since reading these posts. Mostly I've been thinking about it respect to how we treat smokers/alcoholics in our society. Like obesity smoking and alcoholism is something a person choses to do (at least initially, I'm not here to debate about addiction because I'm certainly not an expert in that field) that harms there body. Now you could certainly argue smoking/alcohol is worse to others around them due to the issues of second hand smoke/the increase of domestic violence and fights from alcohol, however, let's focus just on the person's choice to harm their body in an off itself.

Society has done a lot to make smoking/alcoholism unacceptable. Smokers are not allowed to smoke in public buildings/restaurants, alcohol is also not served everywhere and at least in the US public drunkenness is not tolerated. If you go to Japan smokers are not even allowed to smoke on the street. There are also a number of products on the market to help smokers quit and free meetings like AA exist to help alcoholics. I'm not sure of the statistics on alcoholism but I know smoking has decreased over the years (although I believe it has increased in some sub-populations?). So something is working to decrease these behaviors.

I wonder what our society would look like if we did the same with overeating? What if high calorie/fried/sugary foods were banned in restaurants and you couldn't eat them in public? What if there were a number of FREE support groups available to over-eaters to lend support and also help with the emotional issues behind overeating? What if food commercials of high calorie/fried/sugary foods were banned on TV? What if we commonly saw TV actors who struggled with overeating and eventually found ways to deal with it and overcome it (I can think of a number of examples with smoking/alcohol)? Would this be considered fat discrimination?

One thing that kaploids said really struck me, though, and there's a big difference between obesity and smoking/drinking here. FAT PEOPLE ARE MADE FUN OF WHEN THEY'RE TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT. That's INSANE. You never, never, NEVER see someone going to an AA meeting and making fun of alcoholics. You NEVER see someone making fun of an X-smoker with a nicotine patch or chewing nicotine gum. THAT has to change. If anything that makes the obesity epidemic WORSE because overweight men and women are afraid to go swimming, afraid to go to the gym etc. Now you do see alcoholics/smokers being made fun of for smoking/drinking. I can think of many TV shows where their habits were made light of (eg. Barney on the Simpsons or smoking on How I Met Your Mother).

But I'd still argue there's a lot we can learn from the approach to alcohol/smoking. It should be unacceptable to see someone ordering a meal that's well over 1000 calories. Mostly because restaurants should be trying to cook their food healthier... But we also should have FREE support groups out there for overeaters. We should see examples of people who have REALISTICALLY dealt with overeating in th media (and I don't think weight loss shows like Biggest Loser count).

Like with smoking/drinking, being obese is a life choice and as free individuals in society we have the right to choose that. However, it's not the best thing for society to have a number of 300lb+ individuals, not even a number of 200lb+ individual (obviously this depends on height/muscle mass, though). I've been up there and I was NOT healthy at my highest weight and am certain down the road I would've spent more on medical treatment because of my weight (I know many other members of my family are doing just that already). What society needs to do is stop worry about big as beautiful and what fat women wear when they are swimming and INSTEAD focus on changing the things in society that have lead so many men and women to be obese.
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Old 07-20-2011, 10:24 AM   #79
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I agree, and yet there's a big "however" that's attached. Often people believe (or act as if they do) that the way to "stamp out" obesity is to "stomp on" obese folks.

They think that laughing, jeering, cursing, and worse is what needs to be done to fix the problem - and that being less cruel somehow "promotes obesity as okay."

I think that's wrong. I think that verbally torturing a fat person doesn't do anything to rid the the world of obesity or obese folks (except maybe those few who will commit suicide).

And I don't think these people really believe what they're saying. I think their true motives are revealed in the timing of their attacks.

If people thought they were helping the world and that they were doing their rightful duty in reminding me that my obesity was not ok, then why did the harassment virtually only happen when I was doing something that would lead to reducing the obesity.

I've never gotten nearly the harassment when I did what contributed to the obesity (eating food I shouldn't be eating, sitting doing nothing or reading...)

Oh no, harassment almost always came when I was trying to do something that would likely reduce the obesity - Swimming, walking, biking, eating a salad in a restaurant (where I've heard stuff said so loud, I know they wanted me to hear - things like "Who does she think she's kidding, eating a salad - bet she eats a whole cake when she gets home.")

If confronted, they almost always try to claim it was somehow for my own good (or the good of society), as if I was supposed to be grateful for the abuse - but it makes no sense. If the plan is to iradicate obesity, you don't do it by preventing fat people from exercising in peace (or by criticizing what they wear when they do it).
I absolutely agree with you. Treating people badly is unacceptable. Plus, we should be supporting them, not verbally abusing/judging them.
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Old 07-20-2011, 10:31 AM   #80
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eh...im not a big fan of it however since i live in florida i see a lot of over weight people in small bathing suits. plus ive just learned to applaud them on having the courage to go to the beach like that. i myself have gone a long way from wearing baggy shirts and shorts to the beach to wearing nicer and if possible flattering bathing suits. but even still although im not a big fan of it i do like that they have the courage to flaunt it and not care what others think.
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Old 07-20-2011, 11:12 AM   #81
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Wouldn't it be great if it were that simple - except no matter what you choose, some people will think it flatters you, and someone will think it doesn't - who's opininion do you follow?
Your own opinion I suppose, but in general when I wrote that I was talking about properly covered breasts, crotches, and behinds. It's not flattering to me to have boobs practically hanging out of your bikini top. At that point I think it is more flattering to hit a clothing optional beach and just not have the ill fitting top on at all. Butt floss is the same -- it doesn't cover anything, so why bother?

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Like obesity smoking and alcoholism is something a person choses to do (at least initially, I'm not here to debate about addiction because I'm certainly not an expert in that field) that harms there body.
I don't choose obesity. I know some people do choose to overeat and this is why they are obese. But I didn't choose it. It drives me crazy when I hear my mom go "But you don't eat more than I do!" in amazement. I have health issues, dude. PCOS/ IR, syndrome X, hypothyroid -- they all mean a wacked out metabolism one way or another.

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I wonder what our society would look like if we did the same with overeating? What if high calorie/fried/sugary foods were banned in restaurants and you couldn't eat them in public?
Well, that would be interesting. We'd have the cupcake underground. We'd have a lot of closet eaters, I suppose. And we'd have a new way to shun people who are closet eaters.

It's not much different as being fat out and about and eating a salad now and someone going "Who does she think she's kidding? She eats a whole cake at home!"

I'm not sure I'd want govt telling me what I can and cannot eat. That's a slippery slope. We can live without smoking. We cannot live without food, and to have govt controlling food like that -- scary.

And a food ban still wouldn't help the folks who are fat like me -- due to health endocrine problems that pose obstacles.

I don't need them banned. I just need the nutrition more up front -- shoot, on the menu even, not just the website for chain restaurants that always have the same things.

For more creative restaurants that change a lot -- well, do as best they can I suppose.

I tend to stick to restaurants I know just because I can get the nutrition easily and my nightmare is navigating restaurants that do not when asked out.

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Old 07-20-2011, 11:48 AM   #82
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I think the nutrition info more available would be awesome!
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Old 07-20-2011, 06:36 PM   #83
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I wish they would post the nutritional content on the menus, or at least have it available when asked for. There are tons of places that don't even have it online...and you have NO IDEA what they're really putting in the food, because I don't trust them to tell me the whole truth. I mean honestly sometimes we HAVE to eat out, it's not always practical to pack a lunch (say you wake up 45 minutes late and if you take the time to pack it you'll be WAY late for work)....and I hate having those situations where I feel like I'm going into a restaurant totally unprepared because I cannot find any nutritional information for their food available anywhere. I think there needs to be a law where it HAS to be available.
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