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Old 07-15-2011, 04:37 PM   #46
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Im 21 and im sooo saying inappropriate. I def say go for the one piece but dont walk around in a bikini or something thats showing your stomache. idk its just not for me. I think you should be proud of who you are but you dont have to flaunt it if you dont have it. does that make sense?
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Old 07-15-2011, 04:54 PM   #47
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I say f it and where what you want. I am SO sick of little skinny girls saying how "gross" my fat is. I'mma wear what I wanna wear and if you don't like it, well, ya got 3 other directions you can look, don't you?
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Old 07-15-2011, 04:56 PM   #48
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i want to say that people have the right to wear whatever they want, however i am opposed to men in bikini bottoms...all men, no matter their size. some things should not be exposed in public, even if it is through spandex.

that being said, i think no matter the the size of the person, they can wear what they want as long as it fits! i think a size 4 girl in a size 0 bikini can look awful and a size 24 girl in a size 24 bikini can look fabulous. i think the major problem is people don't wear the size they should (i'm guilty of this too...currently squeezing myself into my size 10 bikini bottoms when i should be in a size 12 because i'm too cheap to buy the right size).
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Old 07-15-2011, 05:06 PM   #49
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Kaplods- I am sorry that you do not feel comfortable in a suit and I also think you are not alone.

But I do want to say that I do not expect anyone to wear a tent or cover from head to toe because that is ridiculous. But with such a wide selection of swimwear (with the help of the internet) I am not sure why you would choose one that shows off your midsection. It is not hard to find a one-piece. When people wear a bikini they are displaying those areas and making a statement to the world. The issue is not that they need to hide their face or any other unattractive body part but that they are choosing to show it off.
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Old 07-15-2011, 05:14 PM   #50
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@sunshine87
Who's to say that a larger midsection is unattractive? I mean, yeah, a lot of people would agree, but that doesn't make them right. Go look up ancient Greek portraits of Aphrodite. She wasn't skinny and was considered the most beautiful goddess of all the Greek gods. Cleopatra was over 300 pounds and she was considered beautiful as well. So...honestly, I put more stock in that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I used to be one of those girls who NEVER wore shorts, skirts, tank tops, etc. because I thought I was too fat. Then one day, I said, "Screw this and screw everybody who wants to open their mouth about it."
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Old 07-15-2011, 05:25 PM   #51
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@sunshine87
Then one day, I said, "Screw this and screw everybody who wants to open their mouth about it."
My point exactly.
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Old 07-15-2011, 05:28 PM   #52
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When I was in the Bahamas last year, I wore my my long, loose tankini and long board shorts. I had to keep pulling up the shorts and pulling down the top, and I was generally uncomfortable. While at the beach, there was a plus size girl probably in her 20s, totally rocking a bandeau top and bikini bottoms. She looked about a size 20 or 22 and I was completely and totally jealous. She was more comfortable in her bikini than I was in my layers of fabric. It totally inspired me to make my next suit something more form fitting. Who gives a crap if someone thinks I look fatter? People can already see I'm fat. It's not a secret, small bathing suit or not.
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Old 07-15-2011, 07:08 PM   #53
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Kaplods- I am sorry that you do not feel comfortable in a suit and I also think you are not alone.

But I do want to say that I do not expect anyone to wear a tent or cover from head to toe because that is ridiculous. But with such a wide selection of swimwear (with the help of the internet) I am not sure why you would choose one that shows off your midsection. It is not hard to find a one-piece. When people wear a bikini they are displaying those areas and making a statement to the world. The issue is not that they need to hide their face or any other unattractive body part but that they are choosing to show it off.

No I'm, not alone, in fact far from it. There are far fewer fat men and women exposing themselves inappropriately than there are people (mostly women, but men too) who avoid the beach and pool entirely because they don't know what they're going to be expected to cover up and what they're not - for fear of being accused of "showing it of." And what does that mean anyway - does that mean it's ok to wear a bikini as long as you look appropriately ashamed of it. If you wear a swim suit that draws any attention at all, because it's brightly colored, or unusual in design - isn't that showing it off? Doesn't that bring us back to wearing navy and black and 1910 style bathing costumes?

Also, while it's just wonderful, that I have your approval to not wear a tent, what can I wear (and who do I have to ask if it's ok)? Obviously not a bikini. Why would I want to wear a bikini? I'm not sure I do - although I do think my stomach looks a lot better than my thighs and knees, and a whole sight better than my batwing arms - none of which a traditional swimsuit covers. If I didn't have the "fat girls must never bare their stomach rule," it would be very tempting to wear a bikini to draw attention away from my much worse spots.

"Of all the suits avaiable?" Oh yes, if you have the income to spend over $100 on a swim suit. If you don't, you're choices are limited. And finding one that someone doesn't disapprove of, at the highest sizes not so much either. And not only do people make nasty comments, many make sure you hear by saying it loud enough for you to hear, but not to you as they don't expect you to respond (except maybe by slinking home in shame).

After spending way, way too many hours trying to find a non-tent, appropriate, suit to offend the fewest people, and then spending way too much money on this least-offensive suit, and then getting the same number of nasty comments anyway - why it sure tempts a girl to pick the most obnoxious suit in existence just to say "shove it, I'm not here to please you." Becauce I haven't found a suit yet that doesn't illicit comments, ironically about "showing it off." Just by showing up, I'm accused of flaunting or putting myself on gross display, just by showing up.

If I'm wearing a mailot suit, someone thinks I should wear a suit that covers my upper thigh cellulite (I haven't worn this style since I weighed 250 lb 20 years ago).

I also can't wear a suit with short-style bottoms because I look like Humpty Dumpty, Tweedle-Dee/Tweedle-Dum and Jaba the Hut - and I'm almost guarantee that I will hear one of those names mentioned. I have in the past, along with elaphant, rhino, whale - and once manatee (had to give creative points to that one).

If I'm wearing a suit with a skirt, someone thinks it's too short, or that I should wear shorts underneath the skirt. I can't find a skirt long enough to cover everything, everyone thinks should be covered. Wearing shorts or capris on top of it, is uncomfortable and looks stupid (and inevitably someone will say so loud enough for me to hear).

And no matter what swimsuit I wear, my batwings will not be covered, so someone will complain that I should wear a t-shirt to cover up my upper fab.

So let me get this straight - to avoid commentary I need to wear a skirted swimsuit with capri shorts and a t-shirt cover up. Might as well be a tent where comfort and function is concerned. The extra clothes drag in the water, so swimming isn't fun or comfortable, and out of the water it feels heavy and clammy - ooh boy fun day at the beach for me.

I thought I really had a great solution when I found the lycra top. It was a nice colorful print, accented in black so it matched my swim suit bottoms (a skort - which sadly still emphasizes my tweedly, humpty lower stomach). I even wore a bra in t-shirt knit so it was comfortable, but still supportive - more than most available - try to find a commercial suit that actually supports the breasts or even has no risk of spillage and you're paying more than $100 and not getting much of a choice.

But I covered everything I could cover without trying to find a full-body wetsuit, and I was really proud of myself because it was a little weird, but looked nicer than I'd ever felt in a swimsuit.

Maybe the suit was too weird. Maybe I was too happy (and therefore people assumed I was showing something off), Maybe my cheerfulness was what pissed the vultures off. Maybe there's no way to please everyone (so why bother trying to please anyone but yourself).

I guess I always have wanted to wear a bikini - not to show anything off except my comfort with my own body. That's what I envied girls in bikinis for - not their beauty, not their confidence or provocative sexiness - just their comfort with their bodies.

I don't have that comfort, and I even envy it (even when it's the comfort of women whose bodies are not to be shown off: seriously ugly from fat, wrinkles, or scars) but I do feel the right to wear what makes me happy. For now, it's my bra under an elbow-lenght lycra babydoll top, and my skirted black swimsuit bottom (I'm not happy with the bottom, and when I can afford it, and hopefully by then will need a smaller size, I will replace it with a skirt that is more flattering to my lower stomach bulge).

But what really ticks me off, is that strangers should not be putting more thought into my bathing suit than I did. And all that thought and effort I did put in, seems meaningless if I can't win - I can't choose an inoffensive swimsuit because my very presence offends many people, and so yes it is very tempting to give them something to be offended about.

I don't have that courage, but I am glad some women do, even if our culture doesn't think they're entitled to it.
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Old 07-15-2011, 07:18 PM   #54
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It is not hard to find a one-piece. When people wear a bikini they are displaying those areas and making a statement to the world. The issue is not that they need to hide their face or any other unattractive body part but that they are choosing to show it off.
It's not hard to find a one piece, no. But, as a 36DDD, I can tell you that finding a one piece that supports the girls is very difficult. Most of them offer no support at all in the top, and mush my whole body into one blob. Plus, my chest has always been significantly larger than the rest of me, and so getting a swim suit to fit my boobs guarantees it wont fit anywhere else. I generally choose a two piece because they are the easiest to find underwire support. Plus, I'm very short torsoed (torsoed? is that even a word?) and so one pieces are generally very difficult to fit. (ever seen someone wear a bunchy one piece suit? Or one that's saggy in the butt? I would argue both of those scenarios are more laughable, inappropriate and unattractive than my chubby self in a bikini)

And, who's to say that they are choosing a two peice for the sake of showing something off? Two pieces provide more fit and size options, usually are made out of better and cuter fabrics, and are often more comfortable than a one piece. I wore capris today, but its not because I thought I would like to show off my ankles.
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Old 07-15-2011, 07:31 PM   #55
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One pieces aren't very practical for me either.

I can't wear a one-piece because of my fibromyalgia. Not even the one-piece skirted monstrosities with the attached bottom. Even on my best day, I can barely get into a one-piece, have a harder time getting out of it, and if it's even the slightest bit damp there's no way I get into it again (when I was swimming every day, that meant that I had to dry my suit in the dryer - damaging it, just so I could get it on again the next day).

Finding a skirted suit with a seperate bottom is nearly impossible, but even if I can - that doesn't work well because my bust is a size smaller than my hips, and my waist is two sizes smaller than my hips. Even finding seperates that fit right is a nighmare.

And a lot of the seperates do seem to be designed with the intention (or side effect) of showing more off. The underwires look great, but I find they make the suit harder to get into when you have mobility and dexterity issues.

By the time an overweight woman shops according to fit, function, and price there often isn't much selection left for even color preference. And the more overweight you are, the fewer selections are left.

And because of the FA movement and the BBW dating scene, bikinis are actually easier to find in my size than more flattering suits (and at much better prices). I've been tempted to buy one just for that reason, but I never did, knowing I would never wear it, at least not without the cover-up that makes lap-swimming a pain.

The suit I wear know was a one-choice-wonder. The only two-piece suit I could find in my price range and modesty requirements. In black (and as I've said, I hate black swimsuits with an intense passion). I always feel ugly in that suit - uglier than I would in a neon pink bikini (at least I'd feel that the suit was pretty even if I wasn't). I was so happy and excited when I found the lycra babydoll brint top that would allow me to feel like I was wearing something cute. To hear people bash it for being weird, really crushed me. It was even worse in some ways with the women who initially admired it, and then were disappointed that it wasn't a "real" swimsuit.

What we wear or don't wear to the beach, shouldn't be this complicated.
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Old 07-15-2011, 09:50 PM   #56
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he issue is not that they need to hide their face or any other unattractive body part but that they are choosing to show it off.
Choosing to show it off? And how do you know why Person X, who is not you, chooses to wear Suit Y? Do you read minds? Or do you assume that every woman and every fat person makes choices on the same basis that you do?

Whatever baggage you have, and it seems clear you've got a bit, is not necessarily shared by every other person at the beach or the pool.
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Old 07-16-2011, 03:02 PM   #57
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Kaplods, I love you! You seem so wise and I can totally understand the difficulties trying to find a suit that everyone deems appropriate. And it's just. Not. Possible. I got the nastiest looks when I went to a water park because I wore a tankini. Not a bikini, a tankini. I was mortified. Today if that happened, I'd blow them a kiss and ask if they liked what they saw. lol Bottom line to this post: You just gotta own it. No I ain't skinny. I ain't gonna ever be a size 6. But I'm still pretty and I'm still worth putting into a cute bathing suit. TURN YOUR BACK TO THE HATERS.
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Old 07-16-2011, 03:50 PM   #58
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Kaplods, I love you! You seem so wise and I can totally understand the difficulties trying to find a suit that everyone deems appropriate. And it's just. Not. Possible. I got the nastiest looks when I went to a water park because I wore a tankini. Not a bikini, a tankini. I was mortified. Today if that happened, I'd blow them a kiss and ask if they liked what they saw. lol Bottom line to this post: You just gotta own it. No I ain't skinny. I ain't gonna ever be a size 6. But I'm still pretty and I'm still worth putting into a cute bathing suit. TURN YOUR BACK TO THE HATERS.
Aww Thanks,

You're right it isn't possible, so we all do have to shop for our selves first and foremost - and if that means a bikini and the delusion that we look good in it -then more power to the bikini.

Those of you who know me, know I don't succumb to the fat-stereotype easily. I have loved the water and swimming since I began taking swimming lessons at 5 years old (about the same time I started getting fat), and even though the walk to the water sometimes felt like a death march, once in the water I felt safe and comfortable - as if the water was my home. When kids would call me whale, I'd imagine that I was a whale or a dolphin in the water. Getting to the water and getting out of the water was a different matter.

I've always hated dressing rooms (and still do), because it's another area where the fat "can't win." It was ok for thin, young, and pretty women to walk around nude and half nude and dress and undress at a leisurely pace. As a fat girl, if I dressed slowly, I got rude looks and sometimes even comments to dress quickly because "no one wants to see that." And yet if I did dress quickly or tried to stay covered while dressing, or went to a bathroom stall to dress, I'd get the same rude stares and the same tone of rude comments only making it a joke about my thinking someone wants to look or would be looking at me.

I learned that insecurity breeds attack - the bullies of the world can smell it. They'll attack what you're doing, not matter what you do. There is no winning.

I did learn to be less insecure, but mostly I learned to hide it. I learned to act as if I were confident - because confidence is the best bully repellent.

And I think that may be one reason why some fat girls may choose to wear a bikini - because a bikini doesn't just symbolizes, it screams confidence and "I don't care what you think!" And to break out of the fat stereotype, and out of fat itself you have to learn not to care what others think, because you're going to face a lot of food-pushing situations. If you are afraid of offending people, you're going to succumb to the food-pushing to keep peace.

It's so funny how confidence is seen as delusion in a fat woman. "She thinks she's all that..." You can't even exist as a fat woman without someone telling you that you're doing something inappropriately.

Not that fat women have a monopoly on that. As a human being, you can never make a choice that someone doesn't disagree with. It's just with obesity, it's an avalanche rather than a trickle. You need to be stronger than the average, just because people are more likely to tell you what you should be doing. You have to know yourself, and what makes you happy.

When I first started wearing the lycra top with my swim skort, I thought "who are you trying to please?" Was it myself or was it the "haters" or the hater in myself who believe upper arms should be covered whenever possible, even if it looks ridiculous and is uncomfortable.

I have to admit it's at least 30% peer pressure. Of course it's also 30% "I don't care what anyone thinks (because it's not a "proper" swimsuit), and the remaining 40% because I like it better than the alternative. I don't have the money to buy a new swimsuit, and I think the top that came with my swimsuit is hideous - it has spaghetti straps and a blouson style that makes me look like a black potato). Until I can affor a swimsuit I like, the lycra blouse makes more sense than feeling like a potato.

I like my top so much, that if I had the money and the talent, I would want to design swimwear with sleeves and generally more coverage - not because I think a fat woman needs to cover everything, but because every woman deserves the right to choose what she's most comfortable in (whether other people think it's too little or too much coverage), even if everyone else thinks it it's weird or gross.
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Old 07-17-2011, 08:46 AM   #59
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Who's to say that a larger midsection is unattractive? I mean, yeah, a lot of people would agree, but that doesn't make them right. Go look up ancient Greek portraits of Aphrodite. She wasn't skinny and was considered the most beautiful goddess of all the Greek gods. Cleopatra was over 300 pounds and she was considered beautiful as well. So...honestly, I put more stock in that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I used to be one of those girls who NEVER wore shorts, skirts, tank tops, etc. because I thought I was too fat. Then one day, I said, "Screw this and screw everybody who wants to open their mouth about it."
I just want to say, do we really want to live in a society where people weigh 300lbs and have massive stomachs - And that's accepted? Being healthy is important, and you dont have to be super skinny to be healthy i totally believe that.. It's ridiculous this idea that beautiful is a woman who is super skinny - that is in itself unhealthy.

Totally know what you mean by beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and all women are beautiful (irrespective of their weight). But I do think we as a society need to be conscious of what is promoted as okay. Like the whole Big is Beautiful/BBW thing - umm.. actually being massively overweight and therefore unhealthy is not something to celebrate. It really really irritates me. It's not okay, and it's not what we should be passing down to the next generation. (im referring specially to the groups who think that its totally okay to be grossly overweight and do nothing about it, not about the idea of still being beautiful if you are big)

Lol - I realize that's not what you were saying and I have gone of on a bit of a tangent (Read: rant)

Personally though in terms of bikini's.. Well, i don't have a problem with it. We all should have the right to wear what we want. It kind of weirds me out when there are like hugely obese people doing it, but good on them for having the confidence i guess! But in saying that, if you have all the *essential bits* covered, then hey, it's your life, rock what you want
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Old 07-17-2011, 08:54 AM   #60
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The only thing I don't like about bikinis are when I have to see more than I care to of someones backside or their top. Yes I can look elsewhere but in order to know I need to look elsewhere I have to have spotted the boobage or butts first.

I don't mind seeing stretch marks or cellulite etc as long as the private areas stay covered. Who am I to say what type of suit someone can wear?
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