Boy advice (I don't know what I'm doing)

BassAckwards · 05-23-2011, 07:21 PM

Soooo. Basically I got out of an 8 1/2 year relationship almost 1 year ago. I've not dated a lot and the 2 guys I actually went out with a couple times were friends first through either talking on facebook or because we'd known each other before.

ANYWAY ... I met this guy Sat. night ... at a bar ... he was VERY good looking. I saw him walk past me when I was outside with some friends and I literally said out loud "Who's that guy" ... and then went inside haha.

Turns out he knows a girl I know. Neither of us know her that well but it's a mutual acquaintance I guess you could say. I marched myself over to where he was and I really don't remember what happened (alcohol was involved obviously or I probably wouldn't have even gone over there) but we started talking/flirting he was sweet. We talked about our 'life situations' he said i was "hard to read" and "had a wall up" which I've heard before actually haha ... so he asked why so I told him ... I feel like we had way to many deep conversations and I don't even know the guy lol. His ex wife cheated on him .. my ex fiance cheated on me .. he has been living with a friend of the family and recently just bought a house .. i live at home ... blah blah blah ... so all these crappy things i don't like to talk about are out on the table.

he said he wasn't going to ask for my number because "girls don't like that" (whatever that means) but he would give me his "if i wanted it" and so on.
... we ended up kissing right there in the middle of the bar totally hard core in front of everyone .. which is NOT something I normally do lol ... I left ... I have his number ... but i have no idea what to say! I've never had to do this before lol.
ugh.

Sorry this is super long and annoying.

Ferumbras · 05-23-2011, 07:32 PM

My feeling is, if you like him or are interested in seeing him again, phone him up or text him about getting together for a coffee or something similarly low key. If he says yes, great! If not, no sweat. You had a good time at the bar and leave it at that.

Mickeypnd · 05-23-2011, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ferumbras

My feeling is, if you like him or are interested in seeing him again, phone him up or text him about getting together for a coffee or something similarly low key. If he says yes, great! If not, no sweat. You had a good time at the bar and leave it at that.

agreed!

if he didn't like you he wouldn't have given you his number!

librarygirl111 · 05-23-2011, 08:12 PM

I'd see it as :

Sweet, hot guy from the bar wanted my number and kissed me!

I'd be getting stoked for the date.

BassAckwards · 05-23-2011, 08:22 PM

haha I know I know ... but I don't know what to say. I'm sort of shy ... just not that night lol.

bargoo · 05-23-2011, 08:26 PM

He didn't ask for her number, he gave her his number. It looks like he is leaving it up to her to see if she wants to see him again. If it were me I would prefer that he ask me for MY number.Where he gets the idea that girls don't like to be asked for their number is baffling to me. I am afraid this is just one night in a bar to him.

Ferumbras · 05-23-2011, 08:27 PM

I dunno. When I was dating, I was hesitant to give out my phone number -- safety and all that. I definitely preferred being the one in control of calling.

bethbeth · 05-23-2011, 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bargoo

He didn't ask for her number, he gave her his number. It looks like he is leaving it up to her to see if she wants to see him again. If it were me I would prefer that he ask me for MY number.Where he gets the idea that girls don't like to be asked for their number is baffling to me. I am afraid this is just one night in a bar to him.

You never know unless you call

krampus · 05-23-2011, 08:37 PM

If he didn't want to see her again he wouldn't have given out his number. Men are getting smart and realizing that women should be doing part of the work in the "let's move things forward" department and I think that's great. Traditional roles are boring!

Call him and offer to take him out for dinner or coffee. He'll probably like that you dare to assume the "male" role here.

Jen516 · 05-23-2011, 09:28 PM

He would not have given you his number if he didn't want you to call. If he didn't want to see you again, he would have done anything to avoid giving out the digits. Call him up, say you had a great time the other night and see if he wants to get some dinner, see a movie, play mini golf, ... whatever!

good luck!

Scarlett · 05-23-2011, 10:31 PM

Like others have said it's a red flag that he didn't ask for your number. He is not taking charge, he's leaving it to you. A definate cop out. Do your best to calm down. Men are judged by their actions not by what they say. It sounds like your a little too smitten based on this deep conversation you two had. The feeling may be mutual, it may not be. Don't make assumptions. Actions wise he didn't ask for your number.

I've definately fallen for guys who I felt connceted to based on what they said not what they did. Guys who talk about listening to deep music, having laudible life goals and how close they are with their family. After an evening with them you'd be sure their a great guy. Then when you look at their actions it doesn't add up and you find yourself making excuses because your infactuated. You will probably know if this is the case or not very soon if your honest with yourself. I love the old saying "If a guy really likes you you'll know it, if he doesn't you'll be confused"

I would call him once, try to arrange to see him. After that no more free passes. Let him pursue you..don't make excuses for him.

krampus · 05-23-2011, 10:49 PM

Why does the man always have to take charge? It's 2011 dude.

Ferumbras · 05-23-2011, 10:50 PM

I have to respectfully disagree with Scarlett; there's nothing wrong with you pursuing him. Why should it always be on the guy? And if he honestly had the experience that girls didn't live being asked for their numbers, perhaps he was genuinely trying to be respectful of you when he instead opted to give you his? After all, it gives you all the power.

milmin2043 · 05-23-2011, 10:53 PM

I agree with Krampus!!!! Life is too short to play silly games. If you liked him, call him. What's the worst that can happen? Get out there and live your life.

ButterCup85 · 05-23-2011, 11:11 PM

I'm going to say to call him. I mean okay, so MOST or even some women like being the ones taken out on the date blah blah. But, I figure this. If it was another night at the bar you'll find out soon enough.

Don't ever assume the worst, people miss out on so many opportunities by not even taking a chance or trying. Life is full of hurts but we all get lucky at one time or another and we're pleasantly surprised. He gave you his number, he wouldn't if he did not want you to call. Period.

My man said, if he didn't want to be here he wouldn't, if he didn't want to answer the phone he wouldn't, if he didn't want a girl to call him he wouldn't give her the number.

I say go for it! Nothing to be shy about, life is way too short to let anything stop us from trying something. If you don't call you'll always wonder, trust me.

Sooo many things to talk about are yall in college or that age? Music? Kids, family? Books? Hobbies? I mean even if you're shy once a conversation is started and if you "connect" it's pretty easy to keep that flow going. Just my opinion!