Weight gain, and doing absolutely nothing about it
I didn't know where to post this, but since I'm in my mid twenties I thought this would be fine. I saw another post recently about noticing you're gaining weight, and still doing nothing about it. The other poster brought up self sabotaging, and I feel like that's exactly what I'm doing. The thing is, I notice my tummy all the time, it makes me uncomfortable and very self concious. I also know I need to lose weight, and exercise regularly in order for this problem to go away, but I still don't do it. I take my dog for walks all the time but I know it dosen't really put a dent in the weight I need to lose because I'm still still eating relatively crummy.
Why, when I'm not liking what I see in the mirror, do I continue to eat poorly? It's very frustrating. I know what I need to do and yet I just don't do it. On a side note, my boyfriend doesn't help either. He's a wonderful, supportive man, but he told me he doesn't want me to lose weight, he likes me how I am, which is great but I'd like to feel good in my own skin for once. He's a bigger guy and loves beer and pizza and hot wings, basically everything and anything that would ruin a diet, he loves with a fiery passion. I love spending time with my bf but it's hard to turn down the beer and wings when I'm with him.
Last night he made me dinner, but, it was fried chicken baked with ham and about a pound of cheese on it. Very yummy, lol, and your gotta love him for cooking but how the heck and I suppose to lose weight with this kind of food? I know the problem isn't him, it's me needing to say NO. I've explained to him that I want to lose weight to feel good about myself, and to be healthy, but when he runs down stairs to get a "snack" and it turns out to be beer and a huge bowl of potatoe chips, I get the idea he might not be into me dieting as supportive as he may be.
Sorry for ranting on and on, but do any of you ladies have any advice? How to deal with my bf? How to kick myself in the rear and get going....anything? Or is anyone in a similar situation? I just really need to get on the ball, but I don't seem to have the stick-to-itivness that I need.
Hey there!
I think you just need to find the personal motivation within yourself! Start making those lifestyle changes for yourself, and he should notice enough to somewhat follow suit. You have to be able to decide that you want to be healthier, you want to eat better..but to say it and do it are obviously two different things!
I'm struggling with that myself. I look in the mirror as well and don't like what I see, but it's hard to get past the laziness to get up and exercise, and it's hard to not eat the foods that I love, no matter how bad they are. But I've been doing a lot better. And you will too, once you make that choice. For yourself, for no one else. And just sit down and talk to your boyfriend about how serious you are about it, and ask him to respect that. I'm sure he will. Everyone wants to see the one they love, happy. Good luck, you can do it. Look deep within yourself.
My theory is that when i want to lose weight, but don do anything about it, its because being overweight is familiar. I'm used to it. i grew up that way, and i was that way up until adulthood. Being thin, having a sexy body, thats unfamiliar territory. I don't know how to act, what to think, etc. And thats scary.
My suggestion for how to jump into it is to go for it right now...literally. You have time to read this post right now, so why don't you have time to get on the floor and do 50 crunches real quick?
Realize that you're going to slip up. THere will be days where you sleep through the alarm and don't go on a jog in the morning.
I understand the bf thing. thats how my bf is too. SOmeone once suggested to me that men fear us losing weight because they're afraid of losing us. What if us losing weight makes us feel like they aren't good enough for us? And so we decided to go out and make love with some buff guy at the gym? THey like us, they like the relationship they have with us, and they know that changes appearance, changing weight, changes a bigger part of your life...i think they connect it less with health and more with social. Start making little changes in your life and slowly but surely he will follow. He won't follow everything, and as part of your relationship maybe its okay to have a beer with him every couple of days. But instead of having a regular beer, buy whatever type of beer he likes and then buy your own light beer, and then eventually switch to a mug of tea at night while he enjoys his beer. He'll still enjoy the companionship, and most me will accept our choices even if its not their own preference. Try and make the transition into a healthy lifestyle very smoothly for his sake.
i could prolly go on forever about both the bf and the self sabatoge. Two things im very familiar with lol My boyfriend is currently probably eating the healthiest of his adult life and he honestly doesnt mind it. 1% milk instead of 2%. lettuce on the bacon turkey sandwich. they dont even notice.
Dont be discouraged, you can do it, even if it takes some time getting yourself motivated. THink about all the reasons you want to do this. Think about your future self and how in 30 years you'll be happy you did this. And if you have kids, now or in the future, then youll already have healthy habits in place to teach them and raise them with and they'll never have to face this same problem.
also make sure you get plenty of support. You're bf prolly isn't going to be the person to go to when you are trying to convince yourself to go to the gym. instead call up a supportive friend and chat and be reminded about why you are worthy of good health
Last edited by 100percentME; 03-16-2011 at 11:27 AM.
It will always be hard to face tempting foods in life, especially when it's done in front of you. Yesterday, my partner and I went to Burger King during my lunch break, she had a whopper, fries and coke....and I had a side salad. I went back to work, and ate the healthy turkey sandwich that I made that morning. It was hard to turn down the food at the moment, but I felt SO proud of myself later that I did. I'm feeling happier than I have in a long time, and I think my partner is seeing the changes in me and she is happy for me.
I think that when you are ready, it will happen. I've tried so many times to start a diet, and would fail before the day was over. This time, it was like a switch was flipped and I wanted it, really really wanted it. Two and a half weeks into it, I'm down 11 pounds. I am exercising almost daily by walking during my lunch break. We have a 4 month old baby, and it's too hard for me to exercise at home, so I get it done during my lunch break. I would love to just relax, chill and read a magazine during that hour, but I know what will make me happier in the long run.
You CAN do it. We all can. You just have to be ready for the change! You will get there!
I've been there and I know that it is a discouraging place to live. I've been to ends of the earth on an emotional eating rollercoaster ride and my boyfriend has been here to witness it. (Poor fella, haha! Though I sympathize with the eating whatever junk he wants bit - mine pigs out on fast food regularly) I didn't get to my heaviest point until after we started dating because I finally felt comfortable and like and I could take a breather. I would cry to him about my weight and how my roommate was slender as anything and she could pig out, but then I would stuff my face too, as if that would help the issue.
I have lost 45 pounds since then (which is a lot on a 5 foot frame - still 14 or so from being in the healthy BMI range) and I have learned what has worked for me.
You CANNOT think that you are on a diet. If you have that mindset, you most likely see it as a temporary fix; a means to an end. What you need to lose weight and keep it off is a lifestyle change. A completely new outlook on food and getting healthy. I know it's much easier said than done, and you can't force it on yourself until you truly believe it, but it's true.
Instead of feeling as if you're depriving yourself of the foods you love, try to think of it as if you're making healthy choices to fuel your body with the energy it needs. If you give it the correct nutrients and you make peace with the input, you will eventually be much more satisfied with the output.
I don't mean to sound like a know-it-all because there are TONS of people far more educated on the subject than I, but here are some more tips that worked for me:
1) Remember that you have complete control over your situation. Unlike some things that we worry about, which we have no hand in, you are contributing to the state that your body is in, positively or negatively. You have the power to change it for the better!
2) The more crap you eat, the more guilty you'll feel. Mass quantities of unhealthy food also just leaves us sluggish most of the time, and unsatisfied after the fact.
3) I don't know about you, but I'm a sugar fiend. When I stopped eating refined sugars, I stopped craving them physically. Simple as that. There are definitely situations now and again where I'd love to not have the issues I have with food, and I still wrestle with it occasionally. It's just so draining and taxing to constantly fight with yourself over what you should or shouldn't be eating. Just do.
4) If you always give in and give up, you're letting food rule your life. If you start making healthier choices it will also be ruling your life, but to a healthier and more confident you. (I am SO starting to sound like a self-help book! )
5) If you work toward any of these, even in moderation, you're bound to start seeing results and that will motivate you even further.
6) I suggest blogging as a way to keep yourself accountable and receive helpful suggestions along your journey. Plus, it lets you vent to people who are going through the exact same things that you are.
I don't know how old you are, or whether or not you already have / want kids, but one of the biggest factors for me was, "Holy crap, if I don't get into shape before I have kids, I'll never have the body that I want." Plus there's just being healthy before child-bearing in general. That's a good goal to have if you can't stay motivated for yourself, but in the end it should be about you and becoming a healthier, more confident woman.
You can do it! We are all here rooting for you!
Ps - 100PercentME hit it on the head with the whole familiarity thing. You may be used to the funny fat girl (or something along those lines) but you've every right to feel comfortable in and enjoy your body.
You have to want it for yourself and forget what other people tell you. I was fat with my ex and he told me I was beautiful…but I was fat, insecure and he had complete control over me because I lacked confidents and self respect and that is why he liked me the way I was because he could manipulate and control me better that way (I’m not saying your boyfriend is anything like my ex was, because my ex was a complete loser but that is what happened with me). Would anyone have that control over me now after I’ve dropped a bunch of weight **** no, because once I left that relationship I regained myself worth and confidence back. I went home and my biggest motivation was when everyone told me how fat I was and they were right! (I knew it before hand but I just didn’t want to do anything about it, even when I felt like I was going to die of a heart attack some day because of the crap I put in my system, but even that didn’t stop me to change my ways…it took something drastic like a huge break up.) Men are just as insecure as woman but some hide it better your boyfriend might think if you lose the weight you’ll leave him and that is why he’s doing what he’s doing.
I agree you need to tell him NO, you need to figure out what you want, and so what he thinks you’re beautiful and lovely looking but how do YOU feel about yourself? That is what should matter. If YOU don’t like the way you look then YOU have to change that, and yes he may become a HUGE obstacle in your journey (and yes I like making random words in CAPITALS haha) so maybe you need to step in and make dinners and start changing things around (not just for you but him too, he might start to like the healthier choices) If he continues to pull the crap he does and this is something you really want, then you need to set him straight and be firm and tell him to shape up and get over himself because this is something you need to do. And it is something you need to do, for man health reasons alongside feeling good about yourself.
It’s not an easy journey and you know once in a while having greasy stuffed chicken or whatever is fine, and if he’s over weight he might want to start thinking about shaping up himself as well. Though you need to remember just because you are changing your life style doesn’t mean everyone else should follow. I dated a guy not too long ago who was all about the beer, constantly eating out he was fat and unhealthy to the max and it turned me off of him completely! It appalled me to be honest I wanted to vomit every time he told me he went to taco time and all that other stuff and it was only because THAT is what I used to be, always eating out, eating unhealthy and I was disgusting looking and that is something I never wanted to be again! I am now dating a guy who is chubby, but he’s cute and he actually isn’t anything like the last guy but he seems to be worried that he is. But at the same time he supports my healthier choices and even asks me questions on what I think about certain foods and what not and I think that’s awesome. Anndddd I’m talking too much again haha!
So I say communicate with the boyfriend tell him that this is seriously what you want and need to do and he needs to be way more supportive and keep base with him as you go along and let him know you are still in love with him or whatever it is people do haha. But also find other people who are going on the same journey you are and start expanding your networking with other people outside of your boyfriend!
Good luck, and come here often. You might find a friend in the same area as you on 3FC!
I think it is all about pushing yourself to do that first workout. Once you do that you will feel better and have some motivation to keep the workouts going. At least that is how I am. ahhh endorphins (sp?)
And shame on those men who love us for who we are My hubby is like that too and after this third pregnancy I am taking the weight off sooooooo slowly grrr. And he tries to feed me junk food or will leave it out on the counter and it will call to me until I eat it! LOL I don't have any advice for you with your BF, I just have to keep telling myself, I want to lose the weight more than I want that cookie. *sigh* Most of the time easier said than done!
I've lost and gained the same 20 pounds for like 2 years now. When I'm at my lowest (145) I am still not happy with how I look but I feel so much better about it. I like clothing shopping, etc. I was at 145 this winter...since January I've regained at least 15 lbs. Just binging on whatever I wanted...and I noticed I was re-gaining. I noticed that my pants were getting tighter. I liked being smaller. I knew what I had to do to lose weight. Heck...to just maintain! And yet I didn't do it. Not until this week did I really get started again. And I've gone back up to a size 10...so I've regained 15 lbs and a pant size...and did nothing to stop myself. So I feel your pain.
What finally re-motivated me, to be honest, was reading the 3FC posts. Some women were talking about how people were asking them how they lost the weight and what htey liked about being thinner. And it hit me: I want to be someone where people ask how I lost the weight. I liked all those same things that these women were saying they liked about being thinner.
I also came to the realization that there will always be more food. I don't have to eat the pizza now. There will always be more pizza, chips, candy, etc. I don't have to eat it now. Food isn't a competition! I can always get more...so if it doesn't fit into my diet plan for the day/week I don't have to eat it now. I think that's helped me turn down free pizza, mozorrella, and cookies (from the guy I'm dating) when I knew I shouldnt have it. You just have to make up your mind that the food isn't worth it.
Kate Moss said something a couple of years ago and got a lot of slack for it. But I think it rings pretty darn true (though as I've never been skinny I can't say for sure): "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." I just keep thinking that when I think about eating bad foods. Good luck!
Weight gain, and doing absolutely nothing about it
(Poor fella, haha! Though I sympathize with the eating whatever junk he wants bit - mine pigs out on fast food regularly) I didn't get to my heaviest point until after we started dating because I finally felt comfortable and like and I could take a breather. I would cry to him about my weight and how my roommate was slender as anything and she could pig out, but then I would stuff my face too, as if that would help the issue.
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