It was a silly thing to say, but I'd look past it and figure out why you needed a "day off" from counting points. It doesn't look like you are that far into your weight loss journey. Weight Watchers is flexible enough that "days off" aren't needed. You have your daily points, 49 weekly points and can earn APs to use, too.
One day has a way of turning in to 2, and then "Oh, I'll start fresh next week" etc.
i know that was probably not the most tactful thing to say but... am i the only one who thinks his comment wasn't that bad? i mean of ALL the mean things he could've said... just sounds like he was trying to be supportive but said something dumb instead... don't stress over it too much.
could be way worse, you know, you could have a partner who is really NOT supportive of your weight loss....
im with you kawaii...i mean, people take things different ways though so to someone else this might be really hurtful. however i dont think he meant it to be..i would talk to him and just let him know these types of things hurt your feelings and you'd rather if he didnt say something like that...hugs to you
That would piss me off too. For one, I hate hate HATE food police. I hate when people comment on what I'm eating...whether it's "you should eat more, you're practically anorexic!" or "are you sure you can eat that on your diet?" Lay off, what I put in my mouth is my business and my business alone. I'm especially sensitive when my husband comments on my weight, my diet, what I'm eating, or anything of that nature.
BUT, that being said, I find that I am being TOO sensitive. I'm so prickly about weight/diet comments that I don't think my husband can say anything about it without walking on thin ice. A comment that he says one day may be the biggest insult and strike to my confidence one day but I might take it as him being supportive on another day. Depending on my mood, how my weigh in went, if I'm having a "fat day," etc etc etc. So even though guys say a lot of dumb stuff and they are truly clueless about how painful some of the comments they spew out can be, I think we have to own up at least partly to how sensitive we can be on such subjects.
So yes, his comment was rude and unnecessary. You're a grown up woman and what you eat is 100% your business. But at the same time, before you sentence him to the dog house, think for a moment that maybe it was his way of being supportive. He wants you to succeed, wants you to stay on plan...but since he's boy, and boys are dumb, it came out as an insensitive comment. I'd rather have a husband that was concerned about me staying on plan than a husband who tempted me me and actively tried to make me fail.
But <hugs>...I do know how much a remark like that can hurt.
I know I'm new and people probaly wouldn't want my two cents worth but my husband has both been "jerk" and "so far beyond jerk that I was physically ill" at different points. Unless we have something to compare it to in our own lives it's hard to tell the difference. I get exasperated when my husband does things like remove the fat free spice drops from my car withour asking (OY!) but my feelings don't get hurt. However, the time we were going through a rough patch in our marriage and he went told me that he didn't find me attractive because of my weight (and then went and asked his brother for advice on it!) now that was beyond hurtful.
No he didn't mean it maliciously. I was just pissed off about it...which is why I came to vent here instead of yelling at him. I haven't been feeling the greatest or sleeping the greatest...so it's like that little poke that I don't need. I
I don't really need anyone to keep me accountable...if anything...I keep him accountable. And he knows it irritates me...because my mom does it.
He doesn't ever really think before he says stuff...which is a problem. Usually I can stop...and think...and realize what he means. Somedays though...I'm just NOT in the mood for it.
I think what really bugged me was that when he was "trying" to quit smoking...I wouldn't say something like that. He promised me for over a year that he would quit.
Marianne...I noticed your ticker two days ago and thought "wow she is doing AWESOME!" I remember when you started in the wws threads-not too long ago!! I also don't think your hubby was being malicious...maybe that wasn't in the best taste to say, but I bet he thinks you're doing great too and didn't want to see you fall off the plan.
I dont think he said anything wrong. Sounds like you are re-acted very defensively, which I can understand why, you want support for going off plan. Perhaps he doenst want to support that! Sounds loving to me! I just see both sides.
I'm not looking for support for going "off plan". I didn't really say anything about it. I wasn't looking for a comment either way. And I also didn't say anything to HIM about it. It irritated me...so I figured it was better to vent here...where you're supposed to be supported for getting upset about something...justified or not. If I had flipped out on him and yelled at him...that would be one thing.
Marianne, I know how you feel. Guy brains just don't work like ours. A guy brain is like a neatly arranged shelf with boxes. Each box contains one subject. They can take a box out of their brain shelf and think only about that one subject without relating it to anything else. A woman's brain is like a bowl of spaghetti, everything is interwoven and connected. If a woman thinks about one thought, a zillion other thoughts and emotions will come with it. Men tend to see things as problem/solution. Problem = overweight. Solution = stay on plan. And they can discuss that one subject without it relating to self worth or anything else. They don't have the emotional connections zooming all over our brains connecting every feeling to another and that we do. If a guy said to another guy "hey, don't fall off the wagon," the other guy would take it as a reminder to stay on the wagon and not think anything else of it. A guy says to a girl, especially his wife, "hey, don't fall off the wagon," all of those emotional connections zooming around our brains alert all the feelings related to weight, self confidence, self image, food, cravings, etc etc etc. We overthink it, we process it, we think it must imply other things, and depending on all the other factors that day, we might process it as a compliment, an insult, rude, not rude, or whate have you. That's why guys say dumb stuff like that without realizing why it's so hurtful and then they're so clueless/annoyed when we get mad at them for it.
So it was insensitive and rude, but I don't really think it was too incriminating. I can definitely understand how you perceived it as being an offensive comment (on most days, I probably would too), but I think you did right by letting this one slide. I'm guessing that was his dumb-boy way of saying that he's proud of you for doing so well so far and he doesn't want you to give it up.
It was a silly thing to say, but I'd look past it and figure out why you needed a "day off" from counting points. It doesn't look like you are that far into your weight loss journey. Weight Watchers is flexible enough that "days off" aren't needed. You have your daily points, 49 weekly points and can earn APs to use, too.
One day has a way of turning in to 2, and then "Oh, I'll start fresh next week" etc.
I took a break from counting points...because I just needed a break. I'm back on plan today. Didn't turn into 2 days or a week. Sometimes...you just need a mental break. Not everyone will do that. But thanks.
No he didn't mean it maliciously. I was just pissed off about it...which is why I came to vent here instead of yelling at him. I haven't been feeling the greatest or sleeping the greatest...so it's like that little poke that I don't need. I
I don't really need anyone to keep me accountable...if anything...I keep him accountable. And he knows it irritates me...because my mom does it.
He doesn't ever really think before he says stuff...which is a problem. Usually I can stop...and think...and realize what he means. Somedays though...I'm just NOT in the mood for it.
I think what really bugged me was that when he was "trying" to quit smoking...I wouldn't say something like that. He promised me for over a year that he would quit.
I don't want you to feel like you're not getting support in a place that, by definition, is where you SHOULD be able to go to get it
I understand what you mean about not being in the mood to be policed. It's sort of like when I don't feel like working out and my husband - by merely putting on his workout clothes and getting ready to go- BUGS ME. It's like he's waving this "I'm working out and you're a big fat lazy bum by not coming with me" flag right in front of my face when I all I want to do is lay on the couch and catch up on my shows.
I don't want you to feel like you're not getting support in a place that, by definition, is where you SHOULD be able to go to get it
I understand what you mean about not being in the mood to be policed. It's sort of like when I don't feel like working out and my husband - by merely putting on his workout clothes and getting ready to go- BUGS ME. It's like he's waving this "I'm working out and you're a big fat lazy bum by not coming with me" flag right in front of my face when I all I want to do is lay on the couch and catch up on my shows.
Ahahaha, I so know how you feel! I was sick for the last two weeks and my husband (an Army officer) was getting ready for a physical training test that was this morning. So while I was laying around being pathetic and sick, he was constantly working out and talking about his run times and the weight he was lifting. Even though I was justifiably lazy with how sick I was, I was annoyed that he was smearing his awesome workouts in my face, haha. He wasn't doing it on purpose, it was totally my own mental hitch, but still, lol.
I don't want you to feel like you're not getting support in a place that, by definition, is where you SHOULD be able to go to get it
I understand what you mean about not being in the mood to be policed. It's sort of like when I don't feel like working out and my husband - by merely putting on his workout clothes and getting ready to go- BUGS ME. It's like he's waving this "I'm working out and you're a big fat lazy bum by not coming with me" flag right in front of my face when I all I want to do is lay on the couch and catch up on my shows.
My thing is...let me do what I have to do. I just want to be left alone. If I had one bad day in 3 months...I don't really think that's so horrible. People have bad weeks. I've been having health problems...they're not sure what it is yet. But my hands hurt so bad yesterday, by the end of the night I could barely move them. I just wanted a carefree day and pretend I didn't have to worry about it and then get back to it today.
He knows what I'm working on...well because we're in a relationship. He asks my progress after every meeting, gain or loss I tell him. I just don't need comments about stuff. I'm well in control of what I have going on...for the first time in my life I'm in control. I'm not starving myself...I'm not doing anything crazy. I'm loosing weight...albeit slowly...but I'm doing it in a healthy way. I haven't had any fast food in 3 months...even on my worst day...don't pull into the drive through. My version of a bad day is Hot Chocolate, A cookie, some chips and Ground Turkey nachos that I didn't count. It's not like I binged on a whole pizza and wings and all this crazy stuff. He eats fast food 3 times per week and a whole sleu of other things. Not really anyone to tell me to "not fall off the wagon". He gripes about his weight gain...but he doesn't do much about it. He admits I'm the only reason he's lost weight. So really...he has no right to make a comment like that.
I'm not the type to flip out on him though. I'd rather silently rip him a new one in my head and imagine it...or vent it out to someone else. I'm just not like that. So to come here and do that...and have people tell me I need justification to have an off day and some of the other things that were said...a little upsetting...because we've all been there. A simple...I'm sorry it upset you...but he probably didn't mean it that way would be enough. I just don't say things like that to people. I came here for a little comfort...which is what I try to offer other people. We're all on the same journey...so I figured above anyone else...anyone here would understand.
Ahahaha, I so know how you feel! I was sick for the last two weeks and my husband (an Army officer) was getting ready for a physical training test that was this morning. So while I was laying around being pathetic and sick, he was constantly working out and talking about his run times and the weight he was lifting. Even though I was justifiably lazy with how sick I was, I was annoyed that he was smearing his awesome workouts in my face, haha. He wasn't doing it on purpose, it was totally my own mental hitch, but still, lol.
Ahhh, husbands...
Totally. I had surgery a month ago and should be cleared to work out, but I dunno. I just don't want to. That's all there is to it. I don't know what it's going to take and what's worse is that since I've cut all the refined carbs and sugar, I'm losing weight and feeling really, really good! I don't know why, but that makes it even harder! And here's my darling husband, getting into GREAT shape and looking HAWT and raising his eyebrow when I give him the old, "my incisions still hurrrrrrrt" whine and he knows I won't bleed out by getting on an elliptical, well, he's lucky I don't smother him in his sleep. Ahh, the good ole mental hitch...
My thing is...let me do what I have to do. I just want to be left alone. If I had one bad day in 3 months...I don't really think that's so horrible. People have bad weeks. I've been having health problems...they're not sure what it is yet. But my hands hurt so bad yesterday, by the end of the night I could barely move them. I just wanted a carefree day and pretend I didn't have to worry about it and then get back to it today.
i feel you on that. sometimes, for whatever reason, you just don't want to track, exercise, etc. when i was still living with my boyfriend, he would come home and the first thing he would ask me sometimes was "did you work out today?" i know he was just trying to be supportive and hold me accountable, but it would piss me off to no end. ugh-and if i didn't it is what it is. and you don't what to hear it from someone else. whether he meant it negatively or not, its a pain in the butt to hear, especially when he can empathize with adjusting to a new lifestyle (smoking for him).
