Finally said it out loud... (NSV?)

ShellydeFlores · 09-08-2010, 01:35 AM

...to my roommate that I need to lose 100+ lbs. She didn't have a reaction. In fact she was very calm and kinda nodded her head like, "Okay." We went in silence after that. It was really hard for me and I wish there had been some reaction like, "What? No way, you would waste away." As I thought about her reaction more I thought about how incredibly obvious it must be to the rest of the world that I do need to lose 100 lbs or more. That makes me want to hibernate.

I have not been able to tell anyone, other than my ladies on 3FC, that I need to lose 100+ lbs. It's embarrassing for me. I felt so ashamed even saying it. Most people know better and when we talk about losing weight, they never ask how much I weigh or how much I want to lose. If they do ask how much I want to lose I always give them a small--50. This, in my head, sounds like a high enough number so they don't think I'm delusional and low enough that I don't have to admit to anything more.

I am a pretty emotionally removed person so what I am feeling now (embarrassment) is quite slight and I know it will fade but none the less I feel almost proud. That was my big weight secret and I finally let it out. It felt like a weight off my shoulders. I trust my roommate but I feel still somewhat-- shamed.

Thanks for listening.

jayohwhy · 09-08-2010, 01:43 AM

Congratulations on taking that amazing step. It's taken me two years to acknowledge that I indeed needed to lose the weight.

I thunk that in our society it's easy to think that our weight will negate the other parts of our life and makes us a failure. That's not true. You are an amazing person. EVERYONE has something to work on and for us it happens to be weight. But don't fret, its much easier for us to lose weight than it is for some people to stop being mean, unlikable people. Weight, you can and will change, but for the random people out there with bad personalities, its much harder to even diagnose what they need to improve on.

Long story short, you're awesome and will still be awesome when the weight is gone.

Runic · 09-08-2010, 04:10 AM

Yeah I know what you mean about the 50 lbs thing... it feels like a safe number. I try to look at it as if I only can manage to lose 50 lbs at least I know I lost that much... so I don't put a lot of pressure on myself in terms of what I should lose or what other people think I should lose.

Anyway good luck. Don't let yourself get caught up just in numbers. There's a good chance your roommate didn't know what to say because she never thought about your specific weight. I think most people don't have a good gauge of what people actually weigh. (Maybe because most of us lie about it. Lol)

GonnaTurnHeads · 09-08-2010, 07:25 AM

Congratulations! That is a HUGE step! It is also always very telling when we tell our loved ones our goals and they don't argue about it with us about it, that can really help to see that we ARE as heavy as we think we are. Someday we will be able to tell people that we LOST over 100lbs!!

saef · 09-08-2010, 07:53 AM

We all start this journey in different ways, and I did things a little differently. If I had allowed myself to think of a big number at the beginning, I believe I would have become paralyzed by inaction, believing that I could never manage it. A lot of people here methodically set goal weights based on BMI tables or their memory of being happy & healthy at a particular weight in the past. I never did. My goal was very vaguely worded in my head: "I'm going to stand on that scale every Friday morning. And every Friday morning, that number is going to be LOWER than it was the week before. It's going to be less. Even if it's just one pound less. And I will do this again & again, until I have lost ...a substantial amount of weight." I didn't know where I'd end up stopping, just that I had to get started & it had to be lower.

The thing that saved me, I think, in the midst of all that blurry thinking, is that while my goal was vague, my determination to achieve it was not. I became very focused. I had a mission & a purpose. And once the numbers started dropping, I achieved a certain amount of momentum & just kept rolling. The more I lost, the better I felt & looked, the more it pushed me to keep going.

I didn't actually set a goal until I was maybe eight or nine months into a successful weight loss effort.

But I know myself, and I know I have to trick myself a little when the odds appear insurmountable.

I do know I never had the guts to say to myself, much less to any other living person: "You need to lose 100 pounds or more." So good for you for being that direct & meeting the challenge head-on. Personally, I couldn't have mustered up the motivation if I'd done that.

kateleestar · 09-08-2010, 10:23 AM

So proud!! That's an amazing thing to do.. I've only said things to ladies here, because were all going through the same thing (or have, or will)... and they get it. No one I know is trying to loose as much weight as I am, or as I will.

And I totally get the emotioally removed part. SO MUCH!

LiannaKole · 09-11-2010, 07:22 PM

Sometimes it makes it more real and easier to deal with when we say things out loud. Good for you!

I'm in almost the same boat. Not quite 100 lbs, but super close. I've never told anyone that, but I know they know. When you mentioned that when in weight loss discussion no one asks you because of obvious reasons, I can so relate to that. I've been in conversations with my good friends who are talking about how fat they feel and how much they want to lose (they're both MUCH smaller than me and want to lose maybe 8 lbs), and I just kind of stay silent. They don't ask me, I don't volunteer. I don't mean to sound like they don't have a right to want to lose weight, I'm just pointing out that it's kinda obvious that I'm not normal sized.

From your tracker, I see you're 1/4 of the way to your goal! That's awesome!

Star2Be · 09-11-2010, 07:41 PM

Wow, WTG!

It takes a lot of courage (and vulnerability) to admit to yourself that you need to lose a large amount of weight, and I think all that anxiety is multiplied 300x when it comes to sharing that with other people. I'm a wuss, so I never really "announced" it to anyone when I starting trying to lose weight... I was afraid of having to see the disappointment in their eyes when I inevitably failed. Go figure.

Even now, when people ask about the exact amount that I lost, I somewhat skirt the question. But, then again, once you've made it through the wilderness, it's kind of fun to throw around the big numbers. Sometimes I feel a little chuffed to be able to say "Oh yes, a couple of years ago I lost over 100 lbs; what have you done with your life?"

Hehehehe... So yeah, you're absolutely right--after a while, the embarrassment fades. It's so awesome that you're able to recognize that now and be proud of yourself for taking this step. That is *exactly* how you should feel!

Congrats again, and here's a few of these for the road:

LOL!

fatmac · 09-11-2010, 07:59 PM

TOTALLY know what you mean.

Even in the past when I'd lost noticeable weight, I had to be careful to say how much because then people would know my (approximate) starting weight. Good for you for being honest, not only with the roommate, but with yourself!