A NOVEL by Jelbb
I get those days too... the ones where you just wanna eat despite not being at all hungry! For example, RIGHT NOW, I've finished lunch, and now I would give my left leg for a Kit Kat. I'm doing my damnedest to resist, and hope I can get through the rest of the day without making a trip to the vending machine.
Also, when I lived abroad I lost a tonne of weight in the first month... I think it's just... more walking, more adventuring, and fewer bad habits. So despite your ice cream habit in Kenya, you probably easily balanced it out and then some.
Hmmm. Yeah, I definitely know what you mean by the intense feeling of guilt. I stood at a convenience store cash a few weeks back, undecided until I was at the front of the line whether I was going to let myself get some chocolate. I still hadn't decided as I threw the chocolate bar onto the counter. As I paid, this intense feeling of horrible GUILT just WASHED over me. My mind was racing with scrutiny and self-flagellation. It was overkill. And I think to a certain extent it's unhealthy to have those feelings.
HOWEVER, I have to remind myself that it's also unhealthy to be stuffing my face with chocolate on a regular basis. And that's just it-- I haven't been eating WELL long enough for me to justify having a sweet snack. Right now I'm counting hours that go by with me being perfectly on-plan, not days... not weeks. When I've been eating well all week long, and getting my exercise in, and I reach for an extra 250 calories, I won't have those feelings of excessive guilt. But right now, I think the guilt stems from the fact that right now, it's not just a "treat," it's the continuation of a bad habit that I'm having a hard time breaking. And that's where the guilt comes from.
No matter what you choose to do though, "dieting" or not, you can keep losing weight, you just need to have a little dedication and motivation to work out and burn the guilt-free treats you allow yourself.
Rah rah for the water. I think I've peed a shocking number of times today. I have to walk past the admin assistant at the front desk every time I visit the washroom and I think she judges me a little.
I was cheering for England too, what a ridiculously bad call THAT was... yet again, another reason to push for video playback in soccer. It's necessary to stop things like this from happening. Bad calls.
Hahaha, I like the idea of engraving it with something. Slippery when wet is good lol. I lost my decent newer generation iPod, so now I'm using my iPod mini
from 1960-whenever the **** they came out. It's got all my old music on it because I'm too lazy to sync it... and because it's a 2 gig... so when I'm working out, I'm often listening to Avril Lavigne, Nickelback and other favourites of my teenage self.
I wasn't on plan this past weekend anyhow. I'll rant more about that soon, but... yeah. I didn't post either. I never do when I'm being bad.
My disappearances are very very telling.
Yeah, I did the same kind of thing. Sheer laziness, and too much junk and I went from 142 to 150... it's a slippery slope those few pounds up. Kudos to you (and me!) for refusing to let things get any worse, and re-dedicating ourselves to turning it around!
YAY! I'm glad that you're pleased with the new thread. I sure am; I love having a populated thread to visit, and see the same people all the time. I've just dipped more permanently down into the 140s, and I'm very grateful I'm not leaving here!
I wish you serious luck with the scale boycott and with the instinctive healthy eating trek! I'm sure it'll do your body wonders to be a little less stressed about everything. Also, I always try to remember that weight loss is not linear.
Neither is weight gain. When I was eating absolute sh!t every single day, not working out, and feeling garbagey... I would occasionally force myself to weigh in, just to see how bad things had gotten. After several weeks of not caring and eating REALLY badly, I had only gained three lbs. I thought, "Hey, not bad!" but tried to cut out some of the junk. Then after a few more days of eating... kinda okayish... I had suddenly gained almost 4 more lbs.
If you're working out, if you're eating well, if you're doing all the right things... the ups on the scale mean nothing. Nothing more than that your body is a bit confused, and it's still working on balancing everything out, or you're a bit bloated for whatever reason. But you WILL see that scale going down, you just need to... well, do what you're doing, and ignore the scale for a bit! Keep us posted!
When do you weigh yourself, lady-doll?
The following might be obvious to you, and you're gonna be like, "Why is she telling me this?" but I'm always surprised how many people don't think of this.
Unless you're like me, and you weigh yourself first thing in the morning, after a washroom break... then your weight fluctuates by surprising degrees all day long. Especially dramatic are the gains and losses observed when you're eating or drinking. For example, I've got a 700ml (sorry mi Americanos, I don't do ounces) bottle of water in front of me. I've had about three of them in the past couple of hours. I would hazard a guess that each bottle of water weighs a couple of pounds. The result of this is... when I pound back a bottle of this water, and haven't visited the washroom... an extra 2 lbs of weight is sitting in my stomach.
In "The Biggest Loser" a contestant cheated, intentionally gaining about 8 lbs by pounding back a couple gallons of water right before the weigh in.
SO... if you don't weigh yourself at the same time every day... if you do it after eating or drinking different amounts of food or liquids at different times... your weight will be an absolute crapshoot.
If that's not the case, then it could be a number of things. Impressively high water retention... this can often be solved by drinking ridonculous amounts of water (See above where I mention that I've had three 700 ml bottles of water already today...die bloat, die!). Or your TOM coming up-- different people retain water at different times around their TOM. The week before mine, I bloat up like a shiny red balloon.
Or, there's always the possibility that your scale is unreliable and on the fritz?
Happy early Canada Day!!!!
My aunt's birthday is tomorrow, so I'm heading out of the city and up north for a Canada Day/Birthday party. I'm a bit concerned myself about the potential for absolutely ****ty food tomorrow too. Especially because I fell apart this past weekend at my brother and sister-in-law's Buck and Doe and ate toooo much.
Kudos for planning to rock the pool and treadmill tho. Good luck, we'll check in post-Canada Day on how we did!!!
Ahhhhh, honey. Okay, so maybe you've been there for a year. You know what? You've been in the 140s for a year, then. You may have lost down lower, and have floated back up... but you didn't gain back to your highest, and you didn't gain any MORE than your highest.
It's time now. Stop beating yourself up over the gain, it happens... I just had it happen too, and I did a good amount of useless self-flagellation... but it's not worth it. We're here, because we know we can make a difference in ourselves. You've proved that you've done it before, and you can definitely do it again. So instead of focusing on how we messed up, let's focus on how we're going to fix it. Together.
Well done on making it into the 150s!!!!
Eating out is always extremely tricky... I often have the waiter/waitress bring out a to-go container and put half of the overly-large portion into the container before I start eating. This way, I don't keep eating once I'm full, just because the food is in front of me.
Also, planning ahead is really great, especially if you can get your hands on the nutrition information online before you go. I like planning what I'm going to order before I get there, so I'm not as tempted by the garbagey fried/pasta foods.
As for meeee....
Geez. Sorry about the absence ladies. I've been quite naughty eating-wise since the weekend, and I felt AWFUL about it. I'm sad to say that while I was pretty good at my brother and sister-in-law's Buck and Doe (wedding fundraiser in the form of a party), I fell apart the day after. My aunt gave me a huge box of cupcakes (30+) that were left over to take to work. I did so, thinking I'd have the willpower not to eat them. Turns out... I didn't. I had more cupcakes in the two days before Monday than I really care to admit, and I was a little disgusted with myself. Actually, I was very disgusted with myself. But I took the box to work and pushed them on my coworkers, and they were gone before lunchtime. (Thank god.)
Unfortunately, due to my cupcake capers, and the drinking at the party, my weight bounced back up to 149.2
. However, Monday I still went to the gym and had a healthy dinner, and Tuesday I ate like an angel, and this morning I was back down to 147.2
The Buck and Doe (wedding fundraiser) on the weekend was fun tho. There were some crazy hilarious games, including auctioning off food items to throw at/pour on/pour into the clothes of my brother (the groom) and his fiance. Myself and my boyfriend bid on a jar of relish, and my boyfriend did an impressive job of pouring it all over my brother's face
Sadly, the only picture taken of my boy and I together
, I feel like I look icky in. I'm so overly-critical.
I look at it and I just see the sheen of sweat on my face, the fact that my hair was starting to get ragged from the humidity, and the 5 lbs that are especially evident in my face that weren't there two months ago. Bleh. I haven't even tagged him in it, because I worry about what his friends will think about my appearance. How insane is that?
I mentioned in another thread that I've been a bit of an emotional wreck lately... crying every single day, feeling blah and depressed and generally crappy all the time... to the point where it was affecting my relationship with my boyfriend, and making me anti-social at work.
So finally, I went to my doctor yesterday, and after talking to him a bit about whether he thought it might be my birth control or what--- he finally prescribed me a very low dose anti-depressant. He told me to take it in the morning, warning me that it might make me drowsy, and if it does, to start taking it at night. I don't know why I wouldn't just take it at night if it might make me drowsy, and taking it at night is an option... but I did as he said, and took it this morning. Today's been interesting.
I looked up the drug, and of the side effects mentioned online, I've experienced the following this morning:
- Excessive yawning (so weird)
- Periods of elation followed by periods of sadness (I suddenly got really happy hyper and hung out by the front desk with our admin assistant, chatting, cracking jokes and feeling very cheerful. By the time I got back to my desk, I felt moody and tired.)
Weird. The period of elation was nice, but mostly I've just felt very tired all day. I think I'm gonna start taking it at night from now on. Hopefully the side effects will ebb, and I'll start to feel better in a few weeks. If not, my doctor and I will chat when I go back for a follow-up appointment soon.
Going to the gym tonight then to the movies. I met a 3FC girly for a drink at Second Cup the other night. We drank our sugar-free Italian sodas and marvelled at the police presence in downtown Toronto after the G20 riots. The parade of mounted officers on horses that passed the coffee shop window were a nice spectacle.
We headed back in the direction of the subway, and decided to sit in a food court downstairs in a shopping centre for a few to chat more. There were a couple of police officers, and we sat a polite distance of about 7 tables away. Well, apparently this was a meeting place, because after about 15 minutes, we were actually full-out SURROUNDED by police officers from every side. Probably about 35 of them. They cracked a few jokes about whether they were making us nervous. I said, "Oh no, we just feel very safe," but... it was a bit surreal, lol.
Anyhow, she and I are heading to a movie tonight, which is nice because a) My boyfriend won't go see it with me, and b) He's working late tonight.
Hugs to all, hope you're having good days.
OH, EDIT--- One thing I like about myself:
I like the shape and length of my nails. My boyfriend doesn't like long nails, and it bothers him when I accidentally scratch him, but I LOVE my nails. It's only in the last few years that they've been healthy and strong enough to grow to a decent length, and I think they look great. I was asked once if they're fake.