The end of march was a BIGGGGG time for me. A friend of mine from highschool was having a birthday get together and i was super excited to go!
Having been on my way to reaching my goal..(not there yet but closer than i was when i started) =] i couldnt wait to see everyone i havent seen in OVER a year since we last hung out, and honestly, wanted them to see how ive improved myself.
The night was great, i got lots of compliments and was told how good i was doing, but honestly became shocked throughout the night when i seen/heard about one of my friends there.
She is my friends cousin, who is a very good friend of mine as well. The birthday girl sat across from me, and the cousin sat right next to me. and everyone else just filled the rest of the seats.
we were eating in a chinese/japanese restaurant and she ordered a pu pu platter (which is meant for 2) a salad with ginger dressing, and a boston roll. following that there was cake. a VERY decadent chocolate and chocolate mousse cake with chocolate ganache all over with chocolate pieces around it. I denied my piece and took it home to give to hubby. she ate hers.
as soon as we left a few of us decided to still hang out and did. She decided about an hour later, she wanted taco bell. so we drove to taco bell, where she ordered 6 TACO SUPREMES. now i know they arent THAT big..but you JUST ATE. her other cousin took one away from her, and they tried to not have her order that many. the birthday girl was driving..and when the cousins said she wanted 6, the bday girl said NO shell have three.. to which the cousin yelled in a grumbled voice,...dont listen to her i said six!
i couldnt help but giggle at that.
as she was eating she mumbled "i think i have a food addiction"
i believe she does. shes always eating like this.
a few days before that she went out to eat with the family and iw as told she ate alot.
at dinner she ordered the trio appetizer sampler, a salad and the chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and tons of country gravy.
They went to the movies afterwards and she got popcorn, a soda, 2 hotdogs, and a box of candy ...too which she finished it all.
Were scared for her, because she "claims" shes on a diet..but no one ever sees her putting forth the effort.
sorry for this LONG post, i just felt like i needed to share that with someone. Maybe someone has a suggestion about how we can finally get her to match her actions with her words? i know ultimately its up to her...but she needs to get her butt in gear and do what she says shes doing for her own health and sake.
I used to eat like that. Definitely. And sometimes, I still do, when I slip and binge. Yes, it's shocking, but it happens...some of us are capable of consuming large amounts of food without getting sick (immediately).
But, like you said, it is up to her. There is absolutely nothing that anyone can do to make her change her habits. You can lead by example, you can encourage/scold/lecture/shame her...but ultimately, it will have to be her decision backed by her actions to make a change. It's hard watching someone harm themselves like that, but all addicts (or even just people with bad habits) have to do the work themselves. And no amount of pushing or prodding from anyone around them will matter until they make the choice and the effort.
It's nice that you are concerned for her though. My friends don't pay that much attention to it when I overeat...sometimes they even encourage it!
Im pretty sure i could had eaten similair to her as well back at my highest weight, but for me now its just odd to see especially because i feel like my own stomach has shrunk. lol i eat half of something and just feel way too full.
I would never say anything to her in a lecture or scolding type of way. I would NEVER want her or anyone to feel bad about themselves, just possibly see the bad choices they are making. I hope to lead by example..i hope to hang out with her more soon, maybe i could rub off on her somewhat =]
i tend to watch out for everyone..family, friends...anyone i know. If i like them enough to have them around, then i love them enough to stay around for a while!
I know what you mean about encouraging friends..Thats kinda why im glad i dont see the birthday girl as much as i used too. wed go out to eat somewhere or order food and shed criticize my food choices even back when i was my heaviest. shed get mad if my choice wasnt as big or as fattening as hers. or if i just wasnt hungry and didnt want to eat anything, shed throw a fit and complain shes not eating if i wont. -_-
Isn't it funny how much we notice other people's habits when we become more tune to our own?
There's really not much you can say to her. She will make the change when she's ready and it will only come from within herself and no one else. Leading by example is all you can do, which is good. My friends know that if they ever need tips or want someone to work out with they can ALWAYS come to me. I like being that friend
I just remember people having the best of intentions and only making me feel more awful. I'm sure she is aware (she even acknowledged it in the car) of the problem, but as we all know it takes quite a bit more to make the change.
Oh man! Sounds like how I used to eat in Highschool and College. Thank God for cheerleading keeping me in shape hah Now that im 23 dont think I can still eat like that!!!
I think sometimes there's nothing you can do? Maybe that's a bit harsh, but sometimes people have to realize it on their own. But I wouldn't give up on maybe reminding her. Maybe suggesting you share a meal when you go out...something subtle?
It could be my own experience talking, but this sounds almost like a binge/purge thing to me. Is she very heavy? She'd have to be if she's been eating this way for any length of time. If she's a normal size though, I'd wonder if she's purging or using laxatives or something. Just a thought.
But yeah, there isn't anything you can do about this. In fact, if she does have disordered eating (whether overeating, purging, or whatever) it will only exacerbate the situation. If you talk to her regularly, just try to lend her an ear. Perhaps she has emotional issues that are taking over her life and a friend will help alleviate this!
Just a quick thought, when someone has a food addiction, telling them "no" can actually make it worse. When they see someone else trying to take control of the situation (ie, "no, she'll have three tacos") she has to take the control back (no I said six!). I really don't know how to "fix" her or help her, as she has to be the one to decide that on her own. I think therapy may be in her best interests, and as a friend, just be there to support her. I know a girl who does this too, and have watched her go from 175 lbs to almost 300 lbs over the last 6 years, but she is just not ready to change herself. Good luck with your friend, and I hope she finds herself!
Shocked By A Friend
