Yes, it's another boy thread...

DivineFidelity · 03-18-2010, 04:34 PM

I'm going to apologize ahead of time for my long ramblings. If you're one of the ones that makes it through to the end and has some advice to offer, thank you so much.

SO...

My boyfriend of almost two years and I just broke up yesterday. I wish I could say I'm a wreck...but really I'm not. I honestly think it might have been for the best. I mean sometimes, I get upset....but I don't know if it's because I miss HIM so much as missing having someone around. He was such a huge part of my life for such a long time, and I guess maybe my life had become centered around him...and now that he's not in my life anymore I feel like everything is all jumbled up and nothing makes sense anymore. I had made so many plans with him, we had our future all laid out, and now I have to come up with a whole different future that doesn't involve him. I think that's what I'm REALLY afraid of.

I feel like I don't have many people to talk to. All of the people who I hung out with or whatever were his friends, so now I don't get to talk to them anymore. I might get invited to the parties and get-togethers, but I don't really want to go because I don't want to make things awkward for him...and I mean...they are his friends. He deserves to spend time with them.

I used to have friends, but I don't know what happened. I guess maybe over the past couple of years we just started growing apart. I did more and more things with my ex and less and less things with them. I'm hoping that if I reach out to some of them, they'll let me back in their lives....but I don't know if it will happen or not...

There is one other factor in my mixed up life right now. There is this boy, he's been one of my best friends for probably 7 years now...and he's the only friend who still talks to me or hangs out with me....I've had feelings for him for all 7 of those years, and I have ALWAYS been too chicken to tell him....well about a month ago I did tell him, just because I wanted to while I still had the change....and he didn't freak out about it or anything, but I have NO IDEA how he feels. He's so shy and he always hides his feelings and emotions...****, he won't even make eye contact with me, and I've known him for 7 years. He's always there when I need him...and after a break up I always reach out to him because he's generally the only person that can make me feel any better....Well I have been hanging out with him for the past couple of days...and I want SO BADLY for him to open up and let me know how he feels...but he's so shy and inexperienced. He's almost 21 and he's never even had a girlfriend...he's never been kissed...nothing...and I mean, I'm head over heels for him...I always was...and I'll think about making the first move but I always chicken out because I CAN'T tell how he feels and I don't want to make things awkward or ruin our friendship if he isn't interested....He's my best friend, right now probably my only friend, and I couldn't stand losing him.

My question to you ladies, what should I do? If he had ever shown any interest in me, i would have left any one of the guys I have dated before for him. He's the one that I always wanted to be with...but I don't want to lose him as a friend. Do I make a move and risk everything? Should I play it safe and try and find out how he feels (even though I doubt that I even could)? What should I do?

astrophe · 03-18-2010, 04:42 PM

Life is short.

I'd just ask him point blank how he feels about me and if the feeling is mutual, start dating.

If you have felt this way for him for the last 7 years, what if he did too? That's 7 years not acted on.

Crazy. All because neither wanted to ask?

A.

choirgirlhotel · 03-18-2010, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by astrophe

Life is short.

I'd just ask him point blank how he feels about me and if the feeling is mutual, start dating.

I agree. If he gives you a vague answer or doesn't really answer the question, move on. Seriously, life IS short and there's no time for nonsense!

~CGH~

MisplacedMyHailo · 03-18-2010, 04:53 PM

It sounds to me as though you've already taken the biggest risk. You already told him how you felt and he stuck around. It seems like you have, at least, a very solid friendship. It looks as though you're safe in terms of keeping him as a part of your life, no matter which way things go.

It's understandable that you want some closure on this, though. Heck, you've put yourself out there, so now this question is laying in the open, left unanswered. If it were me, and I was as close to this guy as it sounds, I would just confront him...gently.

Tell him how much his friendship means to you and how you would never want to say or do anything to alter what you have now. You've told him about these feelings, but you haven't heard his perspective, so you'd like him to feel comfortable in sharing that with you...no strings attached. If he doesn't feel the same, that's something you can live with to have him in your life. If he does feel the same, you'll be on cloud 9.

If he didn't already get weird on you, chances are he's hanging in for the long haul. Good luck!!!

ThicknPretty · 03-18-2010, 05:05 PM

Well, you said you already told him…and you guys are still friends, so to me it doesn’t sound like there is any risk of him freaking out and taking off if you were to press just a little harder. Doesn’t sound like he is the kind of guy who would respond very well to anything very forward or aggressive though and what’s wrong with taking some time and seeing what happens? You are fresh out of a long term relationship…that’s usually not the best time to decide to start a new one or get entangled in another romantic situation. You enjoy his friendship, so you won’t be losing out to just be patient and let things take their course. Gentle guidance or subtle suggestion would be a good idea, but you probably don’t want to just come right out and force the issue.

You guys have been friends for 7 years and probably for a lot of good reasons. You are just as important to him as he is to you and he’s not going to abandon your friendship over something like this.

Sorry about your break up, too.

sprklemajik · 03-18-2010, 05:08 PM

I don't know how long it has been since you and the ex broke up, but I'd like to recommend giving it a little time as well. Just to let the dust settle and make sure you're mostly through everything. But not too much time

, esp. since you've loved this guy forever.

Also to address:

Quote:

Originally Posted by DivineFidelity

I used to have friends, but I don't know what happened. I guess maybe over the past couple of years we just started growing apart. I did more and more things with my ex and less and less things with them. I'm hoping that if I reach out to some of them, they'll let me back in their lives....but I don't know if it will happen or not...

I think this is fairly common for friendships in our 20's. Everyone is learning how to balance relationships and friendships. Give your friends a call. I'm sure they've done the same thing (as in getting engrossed in a relationship and neglecting a frienship). I know I have and I've had it done to me multiple times. They probably would love to have you jump back in a friendship, they probably miss you too.

SnowWolf · 03-18-2010, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThicknPretty

Well, you said you already told him…and you guys are still friends, so to me it doesn’t sound like there is any risk of him freaking out and taking off if you were to press just a little harder. Doesn’t sound like he is the kind of guy who would respond very well to anything very forward or aggressive though and what’s wrong with taking some time and seeing what happens? You are fresh out of a long term relationship…that’s usually not the best time to decide to start a new one or get entangled in another romantic situation. You enjoy his friendship, so you won’t be losing out to just be patient and let things take their course. Gentle guidance or subtle suggestion would be a good idea, but you probably don’t want to just come right out and force the issue.

You guys have been friends for 7 years and probably for a lot of good reasons. You are just as important to him as he is to you and he’s not going to abandon your friendship over something like this.

Sorry about your break up, too.

ThicknPretty, you've said very good advice.

and to me, if he didn't have some feelings for you, I think he would have said so. I think he is getting over the shock, and is trying to rap his head around the whole 7 years thing. I accually think he is thinking about the next thing he should do.

But I say, don't worry about it, just go with the flow. Relaxe.

pinkalarmclock · 03-18-2010, 07:26 PM

I agree that some time should be given because two years with someone who you planned your life around requires you to look at yourself without them again. I agree Snowwolf that your friend probably needs some time to. So after some time has passed you need to ask him. I think you can go one of two ways with this, either ask him in person which might catch him off guard if he's as shy as you describe, or you could use good ole technology in this situation. Call him, or even text him or something like that if you think he won't say anything unless some social anxiety is taken off of him.

jstanorangecountygrl · 03-18-2010, 07:35 PM

ahhhh, man. I was in love with my best friend for five years. Then I went to college... now he lives a bajillion miles away and I think I still love him.

good luck, and keep us updated

Mikan · 03-25-2010, 02:47 PM

7 years and no eye contact? Honey, I think he likes you. Girls can make the first move, too!! I had a similar situation with my boyfriend, I dated around, but always wanted him, and got him for myself in the end.