i'm back... sheepish wave

IcassiopeiaI · 03-15-2010, 09:24 PM

hii

so... my last login was 3-17-09. great almost an entire year

had a rough year, went on new medication which helped with the gaining of 30 pounds in one month... and then just more weight gain with other meds. YAY for sleep aids and antidepressants!

so today i started taking my thyroid medicine again (i dont know why i stop taking it

) and working out. bad news? i weigh... so so much

so i'm going to start working out again like crazy and hopefully that with my thyroid medicine will help the weight come off.

here's to hoping

shortandfluffy · 03-15-2010, 10:49 PM

Welcome back! I am fairly new, but just wanted to say hi.

I noticed too you are a shorty like me! I can't wait to be in the "normal" bmi for my height.. its so different when you are short, there are less places for the weight to go!

IcassiopeiaI · 03-17-2010, 02:29 AM

i know, its like what the **** man!

haha the good part is... that even if we lose weight its noticeable much faster =D

Getting Right · 03-17-2010, 02:33 AM

Welcome back!

IcassiopeiaI · 03-17-2010, 02:35 AM

thanks, i'm just going to jump the **** back in!

my plan is to go HARDCORE for as long as possible. i have a trip to florida in less than a month! ! omg where was my head?!

but any weight i lose will make me happier... lets just hope that any is the most i could

shortandfluffy · 03-17-2010, 12:22 PM

I just noticed your goal was 90.. I couldn't IMAGINE myself being that small.. I will be happy to get to 130! I don't think my big hips could handle being much smaller than that anyways.. LOL

What type of plan are you going to follow?

IcassiopeiaI · 03-17-2010, 10:27 PM

hah um... a kill myself plan?

i restrict a lot, i'm a calorie counter. i'm bulimic so trying to eat a lot of 'healthy' food really doesnt work for me, i need to mark everything down and restrict or else... i fall into purging which leads to binging because i'm going to purge so....

yeah my goal might adjust once i get lower, looking back when i was in the upper 120s/low 130s i looked okay... i just want to be SKINNY for once in my life haha

also the first time i lost the weight from 200 down to the 30s/20s i worked out for 3 hours every day, on average. so i'm going to try and get back to that

ValentineNicole · 03-17-2010, 11:45 PM

I'm going to say this, although I know you won't listen.

Get therapy.

Trust me. I've been there. I've fought eating disorders for a long time, and it is terrible.

Here's the funny thing - I lose better at 1600 calories than I ever did at 0 calories. Sure, I'd lose 10 pounds in a week - but then nothing would come off for months or until I binged. It's not worth it. Start a healthy eating plan and get therapy to minimize the purging. Eventually, you'll get to the point where purging sounds disgusting and not worth it. You'll consider it, and then you'll think about how your throat will hurt. And soon, you won't even consider it at all.

You need help. You can do this. You can get to a healthy "skinny" weight without the pain and suffering. If you need an ear for support, I'm glad to give you my IM. I promise you, I know what I'm talking about.

Oh, and by the way? Once I healed, I maintained my low weight naturally without trying. It was like a miracle. That is, until I got pregnant, and now I'm back here trying to get my weight back down :-)
And another reason you should get help now? I lost the baby. Miscarried, due to health complication. THAT is why NOTHING is worth hurting yourself like this.

IcassiopeiaI · 03-18-2010, 02:58 AM

oh, trust me. i'm not under the impression that its anything glamorous

i'm seeing an psychiatrist and a therapist- its just that what i think you know, is even when you have a good run (whoo for voluntarily going months at a time) its something thats there

alcoholics can quit alcohol altogether, same with drug addicts. the hardest thing is that when you have an eating disorder- you cant just quit food =(

thanks so much for the advice and kind words

ValentineNicole · 03-18-2010, 01:36 PM

I feel you. I really do know exactly where you're coming from. I've been there, and I'm not going to tell you that it was an easy process. It's been over 5 years since my last purge, and longer since I would not eat for periods of time. I will say that after 5 years and plenty of therapy and learning healthy habits, I don't want to purge any more. There are days where I would love to binge, and if I do, there can be issues. There's always a twinge that makes me think about purging for half a second, but it doesn't appeal to me in the same way. You will get there.

I don't know if you restrict normally, but I find that's the hardest habit to break. It took me literally years after therapy to not panic if I gained even 5 pounds. My gut instinct is to restrict until the weight is gone, but logically, I know that that is not the appropriate action.

The important thing is that you stick with it. If you keep restricting now, you aren't getting better. You CAN beat this. Eating disorders are awful, but they aren't the end-all, be-all. You can get better. You will get better, and be healthy, and live a great fulfilling life.

Be careful.

IcassiopeiaI · 03-18-2010, 01:48 PM

*kicks dirt* but its so HAARD!

no, seriously it is sooo fricken hard and you're right. like when i wasnt purging or restricting because of my meds i was like heyyy that wasnt so hard was it? only i wasnt better i was just overeating and still hating myself for it.

i can get better, i will get better. actually nicole i'd never thought that. its always one day i will be thin again and then i can be happy not- one day i will be over this and be happy with MYSELF. i'll start trying to think of it that way

i'm back... *sheepish wave*

i'm back... sheepish wave