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07-05-2009, 06:31 PM
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#1
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Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,434
Height: 5'9"
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A couple rude "compliments" this weekend...
So this weekend I decided to go up north to my trailer park where I have gone since I was born on summer holidays. I haven't been up there since last July, before I started losing weight. I brought my best friend with me this time. So everyone was telling me I looked great, etc, yadda yadda yadda. I go inside my trailer to get a drink, and this one lady says to my best friend "Oh wow, look at her now, there's nothing to her, she has no hips she's just straight up and down, she's totally going to need a c-section when she has a baby" Like...WTF ............ THEN.... my best friend and I went for a drive in town and she was staring at me, so I said "What?"....then she says to me... "You're so beautiful... I mean like stunning beautiful... How did you ever let yourself get that fat before? like didn't you look in the mirror and realise??"....................... My mouth just dropped... I didn't even know how to respond to that. I didn't say anything... THEN she says "like didn't it bother you, being that fat, knowing you could be really pretty under it all"....................... Now I'm not going to tell you what I said back to her, basically told her off in a not-so-nice manner Then she's like, "I didn't mean it in a RUDE way... your just really pretty NOW and I was wondering how you let yourself get that big...my whole point of saying that was to let you know how beautiful you are NOW"
She has NO room to talk, she's over 200 lb's and only 5'3", and really WIDE.
Uggghhh... I just don't get some people? If your going to say a compliment, why ruin it with an insult? What my friend said to me through actually upset me, it actually hurt. I wanted to kick her in the teeth.
Thanks for reading, I had to get that off my chest.....
Last edited by luvja; 07-05-2009 at 06:43 PM.
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07-05-2009, 06:39 PM
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#2
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 195
S/C/G: 267/260/135
Height: 5'5"
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Rude "compliments" are terrible, I mean, why even bother? If they're going to say something rude about the you from before, that's still you! It's still insulting. I hate that. It's as though people think it's impossible to simply compliment a person and leave it at that.
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07-05-2009, 06:43 PM
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#3
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A Turtle loser
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Camas Wa
Posts: 436
S/C/G: 254/239/200
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Your story reminded me of when I use to work at Jantzen there was an older lady,( you knew she was drop dead gorgeous in her day) who at the time was thin and always made comments , like I don't know why people allow them selves to get so fat??? etc, When I started to lose weight and had lost a significant amount, she had made a similar comment to a friend of mine at work, and She said: Who knew Michelle is so pretty?, I was aghast like gee what did she think of me before UGLY? When I left there she had begun to put on some weight and all I could think of was paybacks a B****, I was never mean or hateful back to her, I could see the pain in her eyes as she struggled of gaining weight.
Some people never know how to give a proper compliment.
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07-05-2009, 06:44 PM
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#4
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I wish!
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Wales, UK
Posts: 164
S/C/G: 185/136/135
Height: 5'6''
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I've had a couple pearls recently..."Because you've lost weight I can tell you that you used to have a REALLY BIG butt" (by a close relative) and "You were really heavy, weren't you!!" after asking how much weight I had lost so far, by a neighbour who could stand to lose more than a few pounds himself. I just think that some people don't realise what they're saying and think they're being nice when actually it feels more like an insult (to us). Try not to take the comments to heart.
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07-05-2009, 06:53 PM
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#5
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Good ol minnesota
Posts: 863
S/C/G: 150/ticker/120
Height: 5' 3"
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omg! Sounds like your friend had good intentions.... just very badly stated....
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07-05-2009, 07:21 PM
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#6
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Finding my wings...
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Crown Point, Indiana
Posts: 1,075
S/C/G: 256/see ticker/156
Height: 5'2 and a freakin' HALF!
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Oh man... I know exactly what you mean. I've gotten pleeeenty of those. Backwards compliments for sure.
The funniest though was this guy that decided to try and hit on me at my work a few weeks ago. He was like "Girl you look GOOOD.... you've... uh.. changed recently. I mean, you look really good." I was like "Oh really? Thanks..." and he goes (apparently he realized how stupid he sounded) "Yeah, I mean, uh, you looked good before.... you're just... uh.... less juicy."
*headdesk*
Last edited by starfishkitty; 07-05-2009 at 07:21 PM.
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07-05-2009, 08:15 PM
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#7
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I know I can do it.
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 723
S/C/G: 193/ticker/140
Height: 5'5"
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sometimes people give "compliments" like that because they are jealous- sounds like that just might be the case in this situation.
just know that you are beautiful, and that at any weight you are the same person inside. you're extremely strong and in control of yourself, thats' why you've committed to losing weight- you've got every reason to be complimented, only in the truly complimentary way!
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07-05-2009, 08:46 PM
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#8
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Junior Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: somewhere cold
Posts: 10
S/C/G: 170/169/150
Height: 5'8"
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Ugh. I'm sure it's part jealousy/adjusting to the new you. Don't let it get to you- you are looking great in your progress pics! That C-section comment is just baffling though (and totally inappropriate).
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07-05-2009, 08:47 PM
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#9
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Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Newfoundland
Posts: 552
S/C/G: 195/161/144
Height: 5'9"
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"I can tell you're having a boy because you're carrying all your weight in your butt!"
"Why, thank you very much."
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07-05-2009, 11:39 PM
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#10
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Never want to go back!
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,804
S/C/G: 338.4/190.8/165
Height: 6 ft
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I hate a backhanded compliment! I'm really sorry your friend hurt you.
I had one the other day. I had gone to dinner with a friend and some other people I didn't know who are friends of my friend. Afterwards, my friend was trying to compliment me by saying, "(One of the people I didn't know) said, I can see what you mean, she'll be gorgeous when she's thin." A) what did she mean "I can see what you mean"? That means my friend was having conversations about me to a stranger about my weight, B) how is it a compliment to basically say someone isn't pretty now?, and C) I was angry at myself because part of me was happy to hear someone thought I might one day be "gorgeous". I felt like I was betraying myself for finding good in that statement!
I guess the best advice is to let it roll off your back. It won't be the last time it happens, unfortunately.
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07-06-2009, 12:34 AM
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#11
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Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Connecticut, USA
Posts: 10
S/C/G: 210/201/125
Height: 5'2''
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Usually when someone says something like that to me, I just respond with, "I still think I look good even though I'm currently over weight. And your opinion doesn't change that." Gets them every time.
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07-06-2009, 12:42 AM
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#12
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Back with a story
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,754
S/C/G: 281 / 254 / 160
Height: 5'3" - I got taller!
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I just try to take them in the spirit they're intended - if someone is trying to be rude I ignore them, but if they just want to congratulate me on my weightloss but can't find a way to without (rightly) pointing out how awful I looked before, I just smile and say thank you.
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07-06-2009, 01:01 AM
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#13
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yay short girls!
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Baltimore
Posts: 84
S/C/G: 128/ticker/110
Height: 5'0"
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phrasing is everything!! when I lost 15 pounds a couple years ago, I was told, "you're starting to look like yourself again!" ... er, what??
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07-06-2009, 01:13 AM
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#14
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the camera adds 10 lbs
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Oakland, Ca.
Posts: 633
S/C/G: 258/ticker/185
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i agree with the jealousy angle....what i hate is that people act like we dont know were fat...my wifes sister says you never forget an insult...so true...my wifes uncle told me i was as tall laying down as i am standing up....F you!!!! its such an easy cheap shot to say things about the fat guy or the fat girl...there is one guy that i work with who is so insecure that he says terrible things trying to be funny...eg i had been talking to another coworkerabout how we were taking care of my father in law as he was dying...the other guy was cracking on me about how its not cool to be married so i said something to him about how its no wonder he has 2 ex wives...then he says...the reason i have two ex wives is because i wont wipe my father in laws ***...this was 2 weeks after my father in law died and he knew it..any way i ignored it and when he tried to be funny later i told him that his parents must have never told him that they loved him for him to be so insecure...a few days later he asked me if i was mad at him...its funny that some people treat you like crap but cant stand it if you dislike them...go figure...anyway if someone isnt going to be friendly, i just choose not to interact with them, im 49 have a wife and 3 daughters, in other words i have a life and dont need people like that in it....whew!!!
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07-06-2009, 01:19 AM
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#15
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Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Connecticut, USA
Posts: 10
S/C/G: 210/201/125
Height: 5'2''
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Quote:
Originally Posted by david
i agree with the jealousy angle....what i hate is that people act like we dont know were fat...my wifes sister says you never forget an insult...so true...my wifes uncle told me i was as tall laying down as i am standing up....F you!!!! its such an easy cheap shot to say things about the fat guy or the fat girl...there is one guy that i work with who is so insecure that he says terrible things trying to be funny...eg i had been talking to another coworkerabout how we were taking care of my father in law as he was dying...the other guy was cracking on me about how its not cool to be married so i said something to him about how its no wonder he has 2 ex wives...then he says...the reason i have two ex wives is because i wont wipe my father in laws ***...this was 2 weeks after my father in law died and he knew it..any way i ignored it and when he tried to be funny later i told him that his parents must have never told him that they loved him for him to be so insecure...a few days later he asked me if i was mad at him...its funny that some people treat you like crap but cant stand it if you dislike them...go figure...anyway if someone isnt going to be friendly, i just choose not to interact with them, im 49 have a wife and 3 daughters, in other words i have a life and dont need people like that in it....whew!!!
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Wow, what a horrible guy. That is so horrible to say to someone, especially right after they died. If someone said that to me, I wouldn't talk to them about ANYTHING unless it was in regards to work!
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