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Old 06-06-2009, 12:28 PM   #1
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Default dealing with comments about goal weights?

So I've been at this diet thing for over a year now and have had some success. I've lost almost 40lbs so far and am pleased with that but I still am nowhere near my goal weight. And yet when I mention the fact that I'm still dieting, friends and family act as though I've gone off the deep end and turned anorexic.

It's just so frustrating because I'm still fat! I have rolls and my thighs jiggle when I walk...I squeeze into a size 10 and still wear a large shirt. I'm not comfortable at this weight and yet people act as though it's a bad thing that I'm aiming for a lower weight. Seriously, my goal wieght is well within a healthy BMI for my body...

Has anyone else dealt with this problem? If so what do you say? I just end up getting defensive and angry and they just keep telling me I should be happy at the weight I'm at. How do I get them to either be supportive or just shut up and leave me alone about it?
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Old 06-06-2009, 12:33 PM   #2
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I ignore the comments of other people as much as I can. It is no one's business but yours. Often their remarks are made out of ignorance. And some might think they are being helpful, not true.
Congratulations on losing 40 pounds !
Goal 12/21/2007
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Old 06-06-2009, 12:45 PM   #3
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I think that most people have no idea what 30 lbs (or 10 or 100) look like. When I was nearly 400 lbs, I'd have some people tell me there was "no way" I weighed more than 300 lbs. Yeah, duh with a capital "D."

When other people don't know what they're talking about, you don't have to make it your problem. I wouldn't try to change them (it's too frustrating, and inefective), just treat it like any other time someone shares an opinion you know is complete idiocy. I think deflective comments help. Something like "You have a point, I'll give that some consideration (for a second) - or "Thanks for your opinion, I'll think about it (how stupid it is) Ok, I don't say the parts in paranthesises, but I think them - it makes me feel like the jokes on them (I get to keep my good mood).

It helps if you can prevent eyerolling. I have to do this a lot with my Mom because she has an opinion on nearly every aspect of my life (and it always seems to be pointing me away from whatever I'm doing at the time). I found that this is the best way to change the topic.
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Last edited by kaplods; 06-06-2009 at 12:49 PM.
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Old 06-06-2009, 12:54 PM   #4
I wish!
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S/C/G: 185/136/135

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I know exactly what you mean. You and I have almost the exact same stats (although you've done better on the weight loss front than me - well done BTW). One of my bosses at work is convinced I have an eating disorder (could not be further from the truth) and is forever offering me snacks and being sarcastic when I decline the offer. It is awkward and frustrating to deal with. I try to stear conversations away from food and diet and if he mentions my weight loss, I've been saying I haven't lost any weight in ages - which may be true at this point as I've hit a bit of a plateau...lol. Sorry - not very helpful advice, but just wanted to let you know I know what you're going thru.
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Old 06-06-2009, 01:35 PM   #5
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For this reason I do not discuss my goal weight outside 3FC. I have a couple of super fit friends and we do discuss specifics but it is on rare occasion. If someone asks I usually get into my spill on focusing on whole foods and the benefits of fitness and believe me, that will shut up anyone and move them onto the next subject!

"Be who you are, say what you feel. Those who matter, don't mind. Those who mind, don't matter." --Dr. Seuss
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Old 06-06-2009, 01:38 PM   #6
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My friend deals with this the entire time. She merely explains she is not happy with herself and has not hit healthy BMI yet. Any other comments she will ignore after saying her spiel
Still trying again. Never completely quiting this journey.
Pounds to lose till lowest weight:

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Hit my highest weight again due to pregnancy. Nursing on WW.
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Old 06-06-2009, 07:07 PM   #7
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You are close to your goal! You've lost almost 40 pounds, and it's fine to still feel frustrated and uncomfortable with your body. If you got down to 100 pounds, then your friends and family would have room to be concerned.

What a lot of people don't understand is that when you're dieting, you can't eat normally like other people. I eat a LOT less than anyone I know because I have to in order to lose. I can't eat any junk food at all or else I'll gain like *that*. And some people think it's weird, but that's just how my body is. It's just a part of dieting and losing weight.

Don't let their comments get to you. just keep doing you thing!
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Old 06-06-2009, 07:27 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Thighs Be Gone View Post
For this reason I do not discuss my goal weight outside 3FC. I have a couple of super fit friends and we do discuss specifics but it is on rare occasion. If someone asks I usually get into my spill on focusing on whole foods and the benefits of fitness and believe me, that will shut up anyone and move them onto the next subject!
It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required.
Sir Winston Churchill

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Old 06-06-2009, 10:49 PM   #9
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I get the same thing all the time "Dont go any lower!" i mean its my body and im going to keep going until im satisfied. i didnt come all this way just to listen to what people think i should be.
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Old 06-07-2009, 06:24 AM   #10
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i seriously get really off and tell most ppl to stfu. Unless they are very close to me, know my journey well and are open to LISTEN to my goals before they judge them, they are fair game for my rage


"If you want to get thin, stick the mars bar up your a** and get a rottweiler to chase you down the street"- Billy Connolly

Last edited by Iconised Ghost; 06-07-2009 at 06:25 AM.
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Old 06-07-2009, 08:21 PM   #11
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Yup I also know how you feel. Perhaps they are jelous? I tend not to mention I am on a diet or what my goal weight is to people, I usually just say that I am trying to be healthy and leave it at that
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Old 06-07-2009, 09:00 PM   #12
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i had a few people in my family say the same stuff to me... i would usualy just roll my eyes and ignore them but i got so sick of it one day that i pulled my shirt up and grabbed the fat on my belly and shook it very hard and said does this look HEALTHY to you?! yeah didn't think so-- so shut the **** up and mind your own business! i let my anger and annoyance win but it worked... w/co-workers and strangers or just friends this probably wouldnt work but i like to remind people that when i was at this weight the first time (when i was down to 182) i did NOT look like this-- i was leaner and had no jiggly fat-- i was in a smaller pants size and had more muscle tone... so when i get there-- you can be worried if you can see my bones sticking way out-- and yeah i do have an eating disorder-- i eat TOO MUCH and if i don't control it i will be severely obese in no time- so thanks for your concern but i'm already taking control of my eating problem-- not creating a new one.
Hope you can look past these comments-- you know what healthy is and you and your doctor should be the only ones you listen to!!
congrats on your weight loss so far you're doing great!!!!!!
~*net knee*~

I've gotta do this for myself not for society! I WILL do this for myself!
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Old 06-07-2009, 09:57 PM   #13
Let's do this!
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Every single person who asked me how low I was going to go responded in absolute horror when I told him (I stopped at 135... not exactly waif-thin, you know?)

I learned the hard way that it's just not worth the discussion.

2011- putting on the baby weight
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Old 06-07-2009, 11:59 PM   #14
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S/C/G: 270/ticker/135

Height: 5'2


I don't understand why people react the way they do when I tell them my goal weight. I want to get down to 135lbs also and I'm 5'2, that is at the top of the ideal weight range for me. But still people are shocked and mortified that I would want to be that "small". My SIL even said 135lbs would be too thin for me and she is my height and 115lbs...what's up with that?
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Old 06-08-2009, 12:27 AM   #15
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S/C/G: 152.3/ticker/130

Height: 5'4"


Maybe tell a little white lie and say that your doctor set your goal weight for you? Or just say that you are trying to live a more healthy life style. My friends (most of whom are much taller than me) are always telling me that I don't need to lose weight. I usually just try to ignore it. I know their hearts are in the right place. And it's really not as fun to go out with someone on a diet... I think my eating healthier makes them feel guilty.
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