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When around your friends and family, have you been scared to eat healthy?

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Old 05-22-2009, 08:34 AM   #1
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Default When around your friends and family, have you been scared to eat healthy?

I am an emotional and social eater. Since my journey, I have been able to stop eating my emotions, but there is one thing I just can't kick: eating around my friends and family.

We'll go out to eat and I'll completely throw away my efforts and eat things I normally don't eat. I won't even try to make smart decisions and I know I can! Sometimes we'll go to a place that doesn't have a nutritional menu, but that doesn't mean I can't skim out the healthiest thing on the menu and just eat half. Nope. I have to get the worst possible thing plus dessert. When we're over their house, I'll eat any junk food they have, any kind of candy, or chocolate. I'm not even a huge fan of chocolate. Am I the only one that does this?

I feel like it's because eating healthy when they don't makes me feel abnormal and giving in makes me "normal". This is what really stops me from making progress. Because a day or two eating junk turns into many useless binges.
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Old 05-22-2009, 08:43 AM   #2
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I get that way, sometimes, because I feel pressured to do so. I feel pressure to just be "normal" and eat the way they do. That little bad angel on one shoulder just whispers..."It's ok...just this once!" It's like I feel that my family EXPECTS me to eat the way I used to, even though they've never voiced that to me or even given me a look to say they don't agree with anything I'm doing.

The only person who has commented has been my sister, who's at the start of her own weight loss journey. I can always count on her for a comment regarding "Is that ALL you're eating?" or something derogatory. I just ignore her...

For me, for the most part, it's all in my head. And once I can get my head wrapped around the fact that they aren't against my change, it's all ok and I can eat how I need to eat...
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Old 05-22-2009, 08:50 AM   #3
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I soooo know what you mean. I also have trouble just staying home when asked to go, but since I'd already had all my calories for the day, I have no choice. My dh is notorious for not planning his day, except work. And will choose to go to a restaurant at 9pm without having told me earlier. I get so frustrated. I know it's good to have some time at home alone, I love that actually because I get it so rarely but I get tired of feeling 'different.'

It is true that doing this makes you feel alone. It's sad it has to be that way. I think making friends who are seeking a healthier lifestyle may be key. That doesn't help with family though, I know. Most of mine try to not choose things I miss eating, etc. But I feel like because I'm losing, everything has to stop being normal for me which makes me feel 'abnormal' as you said.

I really don't know what the solution is. Basically we all have to reject the American way and have a salad or grilled chicken with mustard everywhere we go out to eat, drink water or tea while everyone drinks cokes of all different types, and forgo dessert while others indulge. I get to where staying home is a pleasure.

However, I do tell myself that if I hadn't chosen to eat too much dessert so many times I could have a little that day I eat with them. So it's sort of punishment, like watching others slowly eat their ice cream when you finished yours really fast? They still have some because they didn't wolf theirs down. If I could eat a few bites of dessert each time I went, I could probably get it. I need to learn that. (Or pray hard I get a great metabolism one day soon!)

Good luck with your journey, I know it can be very upsetting sometimes, with all we have to do to stay on plan. But I promise, when we get near our goal, it'll all have been worth it.

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Old 05-22-2009, 09:33 AM   #4
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My family is the opposite. My mom looks at my weight as an affliction. Like Im sick. She judges what I eat and makes me feel bad about it (even if its a fine decision). She just doesnt understand. She has been 110 and 5'6" her whole life. To her, if its not a salad, then its bad for you. It makes you feel bad whenever you eat, no matter what youre eating.
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Old 05-22-2009, 10:23 AM   #5
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I haven't exactly been "scared" to eat healthy in front of my family, just uncomfortable because they make me feel like I'm some kind of freak if I don't take the cake they offer or take half of what someone takes a full plate of! I've had an aunt say "Well, you know you have to eat something" ---implying that I'm starving myself to lose weight and this really got to me because I would never do that! but they just don't get it. I guess they have to be in my shoes to understand exactly what I'm doing to get healthy. I just hate that they think I eat nothing. When really, I just eat half of what I used to.

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Old 05-22-2009, 11:51 AM   #6
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I also am uncomfortable eating "healthy" around friends & family. They look @ me like a freak when I go out & order a turkey burger, no bun, with 1 slice of cheese... Seriously, who does eat like that? It's not "normal" for most people, most people just eat what they want and would never even think to order food like that from a restaraunt. However, when trying to accomplish what we are, we have to eat like that & make the decisions we do in order to get to our goals. I think some people just don't understand how hard it is, or how much you really have to adjust your eating habits for your body to lose weight... I can see how that would make you uncomfortable & therefore give into to eating"normal" like your friends & family when they are around. Are these people aware of your weight lose & the fact that your trying to lose weight?
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Old 05-22-2009, 01:07 PM   #7
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I am a social eater too and it can be pretty destructive. Tonight we are going out to dinner for my brother's graduation from high school fortunately we have been to this restaurant before and I know which salad I am getting so I am not even going to look at the menu and if I do get dessert I am splitting it with a friend. I think the key is planning ahead, which can be hard but it sets you up for success.
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Old 05-22-2009, 01:21 PM   #8
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See, my extended family is like this - they'll tell me "oh, you're gaining weight" (yes, thanks, noticed my pants don't fit) and then they'll try to force food down my throat. Like they get some sort of pleasure out of me being one of the "fat" ones.

My mom was 4'11 and a size 0 for the majority of her life and I to-this-day swear she's the reason I developed some sort of odd eating disorder in highschool. I lost 20 lbs in a month, and she didn't say one word. Just gave me a gym membership. I think she kind of got over it for a while, she probably "accepted" that I would never be as tiny as her, but thanks for the permanent damage.

Also, did I mention my little sister is about 50 lbs heavier than me, and no one says a WORD to her about her weight.
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Old 05-22-2009, 01:29 PM   #9
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I'm kind of opposite, I've kind of turned into the food N*zi. Okay not that bad but you know what I mean. When I go out with friends or family I plan in advance if I can if not I just try to make the best healthy decision I can make. This is your new life not theirs you have to do what is best for you! They will get used to the "new" you and no one will even notice anymore. The last time I went to BW's (a chicken wing bar joint) I ordered the naked tenders (grilled chicken strips) and 2 of my guy friends got the same thing, I think I made them think twice about what they were going to eat and that's cool.

You are in control of your own progress don't let others take that away from you!

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Old 05-22-2009, 02:03 PM   #10
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I'm more like Daniela. My mom actually asked me yesterday why I was doing this (losing weight) and why it was different this time. So, I told her my thoughts on the whole thing and then bullied her into going for a walk or bike ride.

I know it's hard but look at it this way, you eating healthy is a good example to the rest of them. It may make a friend or family member stop and think about what they're eating and encourage them to make better choices, especially when they see the good results you're getting. So, don't think of it as normal or not. Think of it as setting a good example for your friends and family to follow and live longer healthier lives.

Good luck!
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Old 05-22-2009, 02:35 PM   #11
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I also have found that when i'm around friends and family I actually tend to eat healthier! If i'm by myself its like ok no one is watching I can totally eat a bowl of ice cream or something.

But I think my healthier choices have done me good and I have lost 45 lbs so far and look soo much better. Everyone knows that I wont go out to eat so they all try to make better choices so that I can join them.

Just gotta be strong and stick with it and soon you wont be abnormal but they all will all start to join on your bandwagon
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Old 05-22-2009, 04:49 PM   #12
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It's kind of complicated with my family... my mom is pretty supportive of my weight loss journey, though she was less than enthused when I decided to go vegan for awhile. I don't know if it was because she felt put out by it, like it would be more of a hassle or what.

My mom used to be different though... constantly hassling me about my weight and saying hurtful things. Now, however, she is obese, had a failed lap-band surgery and has my dad saying some of the same things she said to me. It's karmic, in a way, but I hate it nonetheless.

As for my extended family, we're a BIG family (both in weight and in number) and generally if one is eating healthy it goes unnoticed. However, if I went into a family get-together and formally announced I was no longer eating meat, it would not go over well. We're good Southern country folk, not eating meat is just wroooong.

But yeah, when someone puts something in front of me that they've obviously made themselves or paid for so I can eat, I do kinda feel like a jerk for refusing or not eating as much. Especially when I don't have the financial means to replicate said efforts!

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Old 05-22-2009, 05:45 PM   #13
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Yes! I always am. Its because im still just not comfortable talking to some people about the fact I am trying to lose weight. But it gets to a point where you care more about that kilo you want gone, or making the most out of your gym workouts, than you do about people giving you a bit of a funny look when you ask for a salad with a vegetable side. I still feel bad when people make me things or give me things that arent on my plan. I compromise- it doesnt happen often, and i dont have to eat it all to be polite, just a little to show I appreciate the thought. If it does happen often, I can always say "hey you know, I've been trying this new diet....full of whoel grians, complex carbs etc., maybe we should go get some club sandwiches from this place i know next time?" Usually people who are trying to give you stuff to be nice to you will be open to that
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Old 05-22-2009, 05:45 PM   #14
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I can be bad like this too. I do *try* to eat lighter on days when I know I am going out to eat.
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Old 05-22-2009, 07:50 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stellarosa27 View Post
My mom was 4'11 and a size 0 for the majority of her life and I to-this-day swear she's the reason I developed some sort of odd eating disorder in highschool. I lost 20 lbs in a month, and she didn't say one word. Just gave me a gym membership. I think she kind of got over it for a while, she probably "accepted" that I would never be as tiny as her, but thanks for the permanent damage.

Also, did I mention my little sister is about 50 lbs heavier than me, and no one says a WORD to her about her weight.
!! My mom was exactly the same. She is 4'10 and she got down to 90lbs. She had an eating disorder and always portioned my food and told me I couldn't have seconds, or I couldn't have fast food, or candy like normal kids. She told me I'd get fat and boys wouldn't like me when I was older.

So I became a binge eater and would binge when she wasn't around on anything I could find. Now my younger sister is 11 and weighs 130lbs+ (I was around 90lbs at this age) and my mom doesn't say a word to her or try and stop her from gaining more weight!
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