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Fiance's mother commented on my weight gain

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Old 05-09-2009, 04:44 PM   #1
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Default Fiance's mother commented on my weight gain

I am SO upset right now. I gained back 50lbs in the last nine months or so. OK I GET IT I GAINED WEIGHT! Do people think I DONT realize it?! And of course it was right after lunch sitting there with my fiance. She was trying to be nice and say that she and I should be weight loss buddies etc etc and started by saying 'I dont mean to offend you but...I've noticed youve gained weight". Ok #1 anything that starts with 'No offense...' is offensive and you shouldnt say it. and #2 you DEFNITELY shouldnt say it IN FRONT OF OTHE PEOPLE! ugh i just couldnt wait for her to leave. i HATE it when people talk about my weight. I KNOW i've gained it back. I KNOW i dont look good right now. I"M TRYING to lose weight. This is not what I needed right now.
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Old 05-09-2009, 04:57 PM   #2
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oh sweetie, I'm so sorry this happened to you *hugs*

I know it hurts right now and that is so understandable! I don't think she meant for you to be upset, she just wasn't thinking the same way you would think about it! It hurts because you already know and you already most likely feel bad about it so for someone else to say it, in front of your fiancé really stings!

When you are ready, try to switch your mindset just a little and think about the fact that she probably just wants to help you. And remember that WE are here for you and will help you through this and get you on track again!
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Old 05-09-2009, 05:09 PM   #3
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I am so sorry this happened to you...
Before we stopped talking to my husbands real mom i had our first son. He was 8 weeks old and do you know what she got me for easter???

SLIM FAST BARS AND SLIM FAST MILK SHAKES.. I totally understand what you are going through... I would tell them "no offense but you need to learn to mind your own business"

That is what i had to say.. and oh my they dont talk to us anymore.. imagine that.. oh well that was 5 years ago..

Again i am sorry for what she said to you..
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Old 05-09-2009, 05:11 PM   #4
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thank you. i actually cried when i read your post. it's just so hard. i'm trying, i'll keep trying, but i dont need constant reminders from people that i've gained weight. i can see my friends and family checking me out and looking me up and down when i see them. I know what I look like now. i was overweight before so obviously 50lbs on top of that is noticeable. None of my clothes fit, i dont feel good but i still dont need the added stress of being embarassed in public.
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Old 05-09-2009, 05:16 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by Shannon1983 View Post
I am so sorry this happened to you...
Before we stopped talking to my husbands real mom i had our first son. He was 8 weeks old and do you know what she got me for easter???

SLIM FAST BARS AND SLIM FAST MILK SHAKES.. I totally understand what you are going through... I would tell them "no offense but you need to learn to mind your own business"

That is what i had to say.. and oh my they dont talk to us anymore.. imagine that.. oh well that was 5 years ago..

Again i am sorry for what she said to you..
thanks, and that SUCKS that something like that happend to you too! I get that it's 'good intentions' but honestly, people are smart enough (or should be) to know that if 'good intentions' are going to embarass someone or make them feel bad about themselves, then they are not really 'good'. i just dont find comments or jestures like that helpful at all. I mean come on, anyone who is overweight KNOW IT. they dont need to be reminded and it's absolutely not anyone else's place to give me unsolicited advice or help. i'm not trying to be mean about it, but if i need help losing weight, i'll ask for it. but it wont be in front of other people after lunch.
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Old 05-09-2009, 05:16 PM   #6
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I know you feel upset about it, but maybe she is genuinely concerned about you and is trying to help? Offering to be a weight loss buddy is actually a really nice gesture, instead of saying 'you need to lose weight', it's 'WE can do this together'.
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Old 05-09-2009, 05:26 PM   #7
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I know you feel upset about it, but maybe she is genuinely concerned about you and is trying to help? Offering to be a weight loss buddy is actually a really nice gesture, instead of saying 'you need to lose weight', it's 'WE can do this together'.

i understand that she was trying to be nice. but i just dont think people should offer weight loss help to someone who never talks about their weight publicly and never ask for help. it would be different if i talked about wanting to lose weight, and complained about my weight, etc. But I dont. I NEVER talk about my weight in person to ANYONE. i'm very insecure and private about it. i get that she was trying to be helpful, but I didnt ask for help. And there was no reason for her to bring it up as topic for group discussion. She's a very nice woman, I'm just upset because I thought it was out of line and a little too personal for her to talk to me about in front of others (or even at all). And obviously she knew it would possibly upset me or she wouldnt have said 'i dont mean to offend you but...'
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Old 05-09-2009, 06:15 PM   #8
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I'm so sorry. She had no right to say that to you, especially if you are very private about your weightloss. To offer help is one thing, but to offer unsolicited help is just rude.
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Old 05-09-2009, 06:37 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DCchick View Post
'I dont mean to offend you but...I've noticed youve gained weight". Ok #1 anything that starts with 'No offense...' is offensive and you shouldnt say it.
Truer words were never spoken! If people say "No offense, but...." you can be sure that something is offensive is going to follow. It's like people who think they can cancel out hurtful things by saying, "I was just kidding, jeez. Don't be so sensitive".

Like everyone else (and like you), I'm guessing that she was meaning to be helpful but yeah, she definitely handled that wrong. I don't know why people think that those of use who are overweight somehow don't already KNOW it.

I'm sorry that you're upset. I would be, too. Hopefully after the sting is gone you can just go forward and not feel too bad about what she said, realizing that it came from a place of love.

Here's a story: I used to work with this lady named Sally years and years ago. We were both slim then. A few years ago, she turned up working at the local mini-mart. We would exchange a friendly word now and then, but nothing too deep. We barely knew each other. One day, as I was buying my diet Coke, she says, "Boy, you've really put on a lot of weight." I stared at her, because I could barely believe she said that. I finally said something like, "Gee, thanks". She says, "I didn't mean it in a bad way." I left, but I was thinking.....how could that be taken as anything other than a cruel, cutting comment from one near-stranger to another? It was bizzare. I didn't go back to that mini mart for a long time. What a b****.
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Old 05-09-2009, 06:41 PM   #10
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My heart is breaking for you...regardless of the intention, those remarks are hurtful and embarrassing. And it was something she clearly HAD to say even though she knew it would be unwelcome.
Not much else to say except

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Old 05-09-2009, 06:41 PM   #11
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Oh I feel ya!

Engaged and was about 220lbs:
My future father in law says if my son isnt careful hes gonna wind up like that boy up the road. He wound up with 300lbs of Rice.
I look at him like huh? He said that girl he married her last name was Rice.

The other day:
My mother in law says to my 2 year old "Your mommy REALLY needs to go on the biggest loser"

Thanksgiving at MY parents house my mother in law tells my dad " Had you made the girls run up and down that hill every day they wouldnt be soooo fat
"

My husbands grandpa use to make all sorts of comments too.


Just letting you know it wont stop and atleast she didnt mean it in a hurtful way. People dont think before they speak.
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Old 05-09-2009, 07:03 PM   #12
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Old 05-09-2009, 07:14 PM   #13
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I'm sorry about that- some people don't realize how sensitive the issue is.
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Old 05-09-2009, 08:12 PM   #14
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I am so sorry. I would have died if that had happened to me. I have felt so bad the last year since I fell off plan and gained half my weight back. I went from fantastic self esteem to worse than I had before I lost weight because I know what I'm missing and hate that the new clothes look bad.
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Old 05-09-2009, 08:19 PM   #15
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I seriousley think it depends upon how a person was raised as to how they treat others about their weight. So thats where I feel we need to step up and say to them that its not acceptable to say things like that to people. Some just dont realize how much rude and ignorant comments can affect someone...so we need to tell them! "Hey, wake up, thats down right rude to say to another person, regardless of if you meant to help me".

I know that would be easier said than done, if it happened to me, which it has by mother in law before.....and I didnt say anything
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