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Originally Posted by Shannon1983
Your Situation sounded so much like mine i could not believe it.. My hubby had a "step dad" whom did stuff with him but his mom kept him from his real dad (long story) and just in the past few years did he get reaquainted with him..
DH acts the same way and his emotions are so deep down inside it is not normal i swear.. I do cry like you and he just stands that and STARES at me.. Does not saya thing!!!
I totally understand where you are comming from and i totally feel for you more then you can imagine.. We actually went to counseling and it helped him big time and it helped me deal with the fact that he will never be as emotional that i want him to be or as emotional as he wants to be.
Best of luck to you i hope all is well but DONT GIVE UP!!!!
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Both of your stories resonated intensely with me. I am an extremely emotional person, and also a very curious person. My boyfriend (due to his upbringing, and previous relationships) is very closed off, not in touch with his emotions, and not forthcoming with information. I have a hard time getting his plans for the day out of him!
I have two pieces of advice. One is to figure out whether the differences between the two of you are worth working out, or not. I never pictured myself with someone I couldn't communicate easily with. In previous relationships, these things came easily, and my SOs and I talked about everything and they related to me, etc. My relationship with my current BF has been work work work. I wondered at first, since it wasn't "fluid" and "easy" like others had been, if it was wrong. Then I realized those other relationships didn't work out, because just being compatible is not enough. A relationship is about working together with each other, moving forward, and making progress, not just being perfect with each other always (this is true for me, at least). My boyfriend and I have very different ways of dealing with things, and we cannot assume that we are similar in any situation, or things will fall apart.
This is my other piece of advice, which echoes Thighs Be Gone's - get to know yourself. It is easy to blame your BF's reactions for insecurities or issues that actually spring from you, and this doesn't solve them! Figure out why his reactions upset you so much - what is it about you that makes you easily agitated by certain things he does? Are you looking for validation from him that you should be getting elsewhere, or not even needing?
In regards to marriage, obviously, if you're not happy, don't marry him. But don't assume that everything between you has to be picture perfect before you get married, either. No married couple is perfect, we all have shortcomings that need to be worked on. Ask yourself if the issues you have are ones you can both benefit from the improvement of, and if you and your BF are both equally invested in making that necessary progress.
Some people say "you can't change people." I think this is bull****. It is the nature of people to be affected and changed by events around them, and opening yourself up to another person, and especially marrying another person is an event that SHOULD and WILL change every person. While you shouldn't try to manipulate someone else to fit into your ideal picture, it is reasonable to have expectations of progress and change in a relationship. The key is to make sure both members of the couple have the same values and goals which they want to work towards.