No, I'm not engaged (LOL) but OMG LADIES... I have big, big news to share!
So, some of you might recall that I have mentioned this guy who I really
really like in quite a few of my posts in the past month or so (such as, oh,
here,
here,
here,
here, and
here, just to name a few!
) It sounds incredibly cheesy, but I really was interested in him from the first second I saw him, hehe, and have been dreaming about asking him out for a LONG time--but never really had the right opportunity/just could not work up enough courage to do it. I might be a little more confident now that I've lost some weight, but he is SO cute and SO awesome, and quite honestly I still feel pretty fat/ugly in comparison to most girls... So I couldn't shake the paranoia that he'd just laugh in my face if I let on that I had any kind of interest in him. Or at least, I thought
Sure, he'll at least be flattered if I ask him--but why would he ever say 'yes' to ME?
BUT. Oh, but... Today is the dawning of a NEW ERA, because I DID IT.
ME, little ol' unconfident Meredith--
I ASKED HIM OUT! Annnd, as you might be suspecting...
HE SAID YES!
I knew that we would probably be working the same shift today, so I tried my best to look cute (I think to think that I'm pretty well-groomed in general, ha), but nothing special cuz it felt like just an ordinary day... Nothing had happened yet, so I wasn't expecting anything exciting today either. So basically I (we) work in the library, reshelving books, and it just so happened that today we were working around the same area... Okay, so
maybe it wasn't a total coincidence--YES, I confess, I somewhat purposely went to the area he was working in!
We talked for a few minutes, just a normal conversation, but then I was basically finished with my task and had to go back upstairs. So I'm thinking,
Okay, I guess today wasn't the day, whatever. But then I was like,
Y'know what? No. I did not come all the way down here just to talk to him for five minutes and chicken out AGAIN. I don't know, somehow it just clicked, and I realized how sick I've been of waiting and putting up with all the anticipation, only to find that I never actually DO anything about it.
So I had walked away from where he was and was basically "pretending" to work on something else (I couldn't concentrate AT ALL, haha!) when all these thoughts were flying through my head, and suddenly I just decided,
THIS IS IT, I'M DOING IT! Honestly, up until the words actually came out of my mouth, I don't think I really believed I was going to do it... But then I walked up to him and said "Hey..." and of course it was obvious that I wanted to say
something, and he had to turn off his iPod and take out his earbuds to hear me better, and was looking at me expectantly, and I was like
OH SH*T, I really have to do it now!! 
I mean I didn't want to bumble around to make up some other stupid random excuse for walking back over him! Ha.
SOOO (in case you couldn't tell, this is going to be a long story, ha) he's looking at me expectantly, right, and through some crazy mystical
magical force, the words just tumbled out! And I'm not even gonna lie, I had practiced what to say many, many times (not ever 100% believing that I would actually use it!!) and I think it totally helped me feel more natural saying it. I don't remember exactly word-for-word what I said (my memory is clouded by all the adrenaline! LOL) but it was something like, "So, I was wondering, if you're not too busy this weekend, would you like to hang out with me?" *big smile* AAAH!!
The next nanosecond was extremely painful of course, LOL, but fortunately it didn't seem like he had to think about it for too long. I totally noticed this instant shift in his body language, in a GOOD way--he definitely moved closer, and his face totally reflected the change in the tone of the conversation, hehe (again, in a good way--he was smiling). Actually, for a split second I swear I actually thought he was about to put his arm around me or something, which obviously would have been a little odd, LOL, but it was just the way he moved in closer... ANYWAAAAYS, so he pulled his slick little move and said (something like) "Yeah, I think that could work..." *big smile*
AND THEN I DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN!
...No, no, actually then he asked me what my weekend plans were: "Well, I'm going to this concert on Friday...?" "Ooh, actually, I'm going to a concert on Friday, too. What about Saturday?" "Well, I was thinking about going to the movie at [our student-run movie theater] on Saturday, it's supposed to be really good. We could do that... Or maybe dinner... Or something?" (Yes, I am not ashamed to admit that I was completely stuttering/probably not forming the
most coherent sentences of my life, LOL, but you have no idea how hard my heart was pounding!!). After that whole exchange, he was like "Well, why don't I get..." and I was like, "Oh, I'll give you my number." Sooo suave, LOL, though of course my mind was running a mile a minute like
OMGOMGOMGI'mgivingaguymynumberthisisjustlikethemov ies!! Honestly, that was one of the most surreal moments of my life.
We had a little bit of an awkward moment then (come on, you knew it was coming--it wouldn't be a "Meredith" story if
everything went 100% smoothly, LOL) because his phone wasn't turned on and though it probably took all of 10 seconds for him to turn on, it felt
excruciatingly long, like 5 hours! Hehe. I kind of just stood there not saying anything while we waited (hence the awkwardness, haha) but I finally managed to give him my number (I'm surprised that I even remembered it myself, the way I was feeling at that moment!), and he asked when else I'd be working this week, I told him, and he said (something like) "Okay, well I'm sure I'll see you some other time this week, or else I'll call you and we can work it out." And I said (something like) "Okay, I'll see you later. Bye!" and went back upstairs all cool n' casual.
AND THEN I REALLY
DID DIE AND GO TO HEAVEN! Hehe!
I managed to stay relatively cool while I was talking to him, but I practically had a seizure as soon as I was out of his sight. Not gonna lie, I even had the beginnings of tear droplets forming in my eyes. I'm sure that may sound
incredibly cheesy to some of you, but you really need to understand where I'm coming from... I have never, EVER been even remotely CLOSE to telling a guy that I liked him before in my entire life, let alone having the balls to ask him out!! I mean we're talkin' NEVER. I have NEVER had any real attention from a guy--no boyfriends, no dates, never been kissed, NUTHIN'. So I can't even really express how completely insane and surreal it is that I actually did that, let alone even try to get you to fully grasp how impossible it is that he actually said "yes." I mean, that just doesn't HAPPEN to me! I literally feel like I'm someone else in Meredith's body - ****, with the weight loss I feel like I'm someone else in
someone else's body, too! - and this truly might be one of the proudest moments of my life.
Of course, in combination with the amazing joy I'm feeling was the sudden rush of INTENSE FEAR. Now I'm absolutely terrified that he'll change his mind or something and he won't call, that he'll realize that he doesn't actually want to go out with that ugly fat chick (he didn't know me when I was legitimately obese, but this is a
very small school, so there's a very good chance that he knows someone who knew me, so what if they tell him about it, and then I'll be like "damaged goods" to him, and-- and--)... Or even WORSE, if he
does call and we
do go out, what the HECK am I going to do on a date?!?! This is complete uncharted territory for me! What if it's a terrible date? What if it's incredibly awkward? I don't know anything about this or how to handle myself; I won't have any clue what's going on if he tries to kiss me or something... I don't know ANY of the protocol for this kind of stuff!!
BUT, at the same time, even if this ends up amounting to absolutely nothing... I am so unspeakably proud of myself that I actually did it. You know? Seriously, even if we don't end up going out at all, or if we go out and it doesn't work out, it's almost satisfying enough to know that just for today, I did something really amazing and brave, and I've inspired MYSELF.
None of the smileys even come CLOSE to expressing how I feel, but this'll have to do:
Ps. If you actually made it through this incredibly long and boring post, WOW, thank you SO much for indulging my schoolgirl-like excitement! LOL.
Ot: He Said Yes!!!! :d
You don't need to stress about what you're going to "do" on the date, it'll just be chilling and talking. 
I find that if I just psych myself up pre-date, come up with a few witty conversation starters or jokes for the first minute of meeting up, I relax into the conversation with ease. I'm sure you'll do just fabby. 
n have FUN! 
