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Old 02-23-2009, 01:34 PM   #1  
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Default How to handle difficult co-workers

So I work with one girl who I don't really like. She doesn't really like me either (see: talking about me behind my back,lying about me, trying to get me in trouble, and I'm constantly picking up her slack) But we are civil to one another because otherwise, our workplace would be ****.

I recently told some of my co-workers that I was losing weight and that I'd already lost 10 pounds since the first of the year. Somehow she found out and she's been making snappy little comments ever since.

The first time she mentioned it was when she asked me about my weight loss(because I've tried a lot of diets before sticking to this one) and said 'So how much weight have you lost? Cause, ya know, I can't really tell.' I let it slide because maybe she couldn't see. But then she started buying candy and pizza and bringing it into work. During her break she went over and said she was getting one slice of pizza. She brought back a full box she said she got it for me and her. I said no thanks but she would not stop, eventually making me feel bad for refusing her kindness. So I took a piece and gave it to my boyfriend when I left. The next day when I went in, she said 'I saw you took a piece of pizza. Uh oh, looks like you're falling of the wagon already! Not to mention all the countless bags of candy she brings in. Yesterday I bought reddiwhip and ate some before I left. She laughed and told my boyfriend 'watch your girlfriend, she's gonna gain 40 pounds from all that stuff she eats.'

The other day I wore a pair of jeans into work that I haven't worn since before I gained all my weight. They were even a little loose on me. But I was working with her and she looked at my legs and was surprised. I thought she was finally giving me a compliment but, no, she said 'Can you breathe in those?' If that wasn't enough to make me mad, later that day we started talking about weight and she told me she used to be heavier. (She's six years older than me and has two sons not to mention she's extremly petite) I told her my starting weight(170; I in no way told her what I weighed before that! 185+) and, I guess she's able to do math in her head and she realized what I weight now. She told me about her weight and said, 'Yeah my heaviest weight was around 160, a little less.' I was so mad that I said 'Wow, on your height and frame, you must of been a chunky monkey' She was so mad she didn't talk to me for almost a half an hour.

I know this has been a long post but does anyone have any advice about co-workers like her? I have to see her since we work together and she loves to talk so ignoring her isn't really an option. Not to mention she takes whatever I say and twists it around to make me seem like some *****. Any help?
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Old 02-23-2009, 01:40 PM   #2  
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Hostile work environment, or harassment

Start documenting everything, and get witnesses if at all possible. HR tends to get pretty upset when terms like that are used. There is no reason you should have to put up with that at work on top of the other BS she has pulled when you start going out of your way to personally attack me is the point I start getting the guns ready.

Most of all DO NOT ENGAGE her unless it is professionally necessary. No conversations, nothing. It will probably save you a ton of headache in the long run.

When she wants to blab, just say " You know I am quite busy with my workload today I would appreciate it if you would allow to me work."

Last edited by Bee20nine; 02-23-2009 at 01:44 PM.
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Old 02-23-2009, 01:50 PM   #3  
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I agree with Bee20nine, that's beyond your average cattiness. That's not someone who simply doesn't get along with you, she is totally crossing the line with some of those comments. If I were you, I would do one of two things, be sensible and do what Bee20nine suggests and take it to HR, OR next time she makes a comment like that, just totally confront her and call her out and tell her aside from work matters, you want nothing to do with her...and maybe slip in that you can lose weight but she'll never lose her ugly face. Haha totally kidding! That's the immature route....
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Old 02-23-2009, 02:06 PM   #4  
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Oh good god.
Even with my worst enemy (one of my housemates, who treats our house like a garbage dump) I think the worst I've ever done is dumped a pile of her possessions in her room, and occasionally let loose a, "Oh dear GOD, do your dishes!"

That is INSANELY and unnecessarily horrible of her!
Firstly, kudos on not caving with the jerk move with the pizza and such. I think my anger and decision to prove her wrong would be enough to keep me from touching anything she brought in.

Secondly, I agree with what everyone else says. If she continues this behaviour, and you don't engage back, it'll actually be harassment.

Try not to take her bait. There are always people, sometimes even friends and family who for selfish reasons of their own want you to fail in your weight loss attempts. You just can't bite. If she mentions your weight again, I'd tell her in a very sincere (if not cold) manner that your weight and eating habits are none of her business, and you have no desire to discuss them with her. Furthermore, you could tell her that if she intends to bring in food, you won't be partaking, so she shouldn't in the future get extra for you.

Good luck, chickie. Hope the wicked witch leaves ya be!
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Old 02-23-2009, 02:07 PM   #5  
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loveLauren, as difficult as it is don't allow yourself to be engaged by her..

let her waste her money on whatever she wants to bring food wise...don't let it bother you one iota..

for me my weightloss is allllllll about ME, I didn't tell anyone in real life I was starting or what I was doing...one thing is TOTALLY for certain though..negative energy, drama or whatever it is (giving or receiving) will get you NO WHERE weightloss wise or career wise..drop her and the drama like a red hot potato
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Old 02-23-2009, 02:13 PM   #6  
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I have to agree with the other women, your coworker is beyond the average difficult co worker. When you think about how much of your life you spend at work, you deserve better. If it were me the next time she makes a nasty remark I would call her on it, and tell her you don't appreciate it. If she keeps it up you should address your boss about the situation and if it still isn't resolved go to HR. You should keep a diary as well. As for the food and the candy don't know if you can do much about that but this is a good chance for you to grow as well. You don't have to take food just so others don't feel back. Why are you worrying about her when she is obviously trying to hurt you? And you don't have to talk to her just because she likes to talk.. You are going to have to be willing to be uncomfortable for a while for things to improve.
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Old 02-23-2009, 02:14 PM   #7  
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Wow I am so sorry you have to go into work everyday and put up with that! No one deserves to be treated like that. I would document everything too and when you feel you have enough to do something about it then do! People need to learn they cant treat others like that and get away with it.
You've put up with more than I think I could.
People who treat others like that are so insecure with themselves and need to put the negative energy on others so no one pays attention to them. Man that makes me really mad for you!!
I hope things get better for you and dont let her get you down, thats what she wants!
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Old 02-23-2009, 02:17 PM   #8  
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Ignore her and don't engage like the others have said... there is nothing a person like her wants more than to get some sort of reaction out of you. She is picking on you for her own insecurities... it'll actually drive her more nuts the nicer you are to her. Kill her with kindness... I'm not saying be friends and discuss your weight loss... I'm saying be civil, be polite, and don't buy into her own issues. If she says anything else about your weight I would just remind her, with a smile, that it is none of her business and she'd get a lot more accomplished if she spent just as much time thinking about her work as she does thinking about you.
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Old 02-23-2009, 02:31 PM   #9  
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Geez that sucks- what a pain in the arse!

I think I'd just flat out say "I don't want to discuss my weight anymore" and next time she brings food around say "I'm trying to lose weight, no thank you" and just turn away- if she keeps talking just don't respond back. If she continues to heckle say "I'm asking you right now politely to leave me alone."

I'd write all of it down like already mentioned and if after you have specifically told her to stop she doesn't, then take it to HR. I agree the second you use "hostile work environment" HR freaks out.
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Old 02-23-2009, 02:40 PM   #10  
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There's always Mandalinn's line - What a terribly inappropriate thing to say, you must be so embarrassed! (I almost (almost) want someone to be mean to me so I can use that line.)

How terrible to have to deal with such a witch at work! And it's really hard to just 'ignore' a coworker, I mean you're with them 8 hours a day. But I agree with everyone, be strong and don't talk to her on a personal level. And way to go about the pizza! You're doing a great job being strong.
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Old 02-23-2009, 02:59 PM   #11  
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PUNCH HER IN THE FACE!!!

ok don't do that. but think about. mmm sweet victory.

so on the serious side, ignore the crap out of her. she's so blabby and gossipy that it will KILL her for her bs not to bug you. it will really make her insane. maybe eventually she'll snap and quit. or maybe she will stop being such a b**** and you guys will become bffs (dare to dream!) either way, nothing good will come from getting in her face in any way.
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Old 02-23-2009, 07:47 PM   #12  
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Hmm.. The way I see it.. If she keeps trying you to eat bad things (ie pizza, candy) and she keeps buying it for herself.. she is going to get fat and it will be a small victory (lol)

Also, if it helps... vent on this post everytime that ***** says something. It will be fun to make fun of her! =]
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Old 02-23-2009, 08:59 PM   #13  
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Keep taking tiny nibbles of the stuff she buys and say it tastes horrible and throw it out...that will stop her from buying crap for you...or just put her in her place by saying..."why are you trying to sabatoge my diet by buying this crap..if I wanted it I'd buy it myself"

I have two coworkers who I've had problems with...one who've said to me at 160 lbs that I should "stop losing weight now..you've lost enough"...keep in mind that she was about 150 and always trying to lose weight..I told her "my mother said the same thing and I said mom you're just jealous that I'll weigh less than you"..I jokingly said it but it got the point across quite clear.

The second coworker I've seriously thought could be anorexic...about 133 lbs...lost a lot of weight since high school and after two children...I mean she is obsessive over food and what she will eat..anyways whenever I'm in the kitchen at work I'll notice her peeking in from her classroom to see if i'm eating..she'll stare at my lunch or while I'm eating...and on Vday I put up a note asking parents for no junk...she disagreed with it! I think she wanted treats there to sabatoge me or to sneak herself..lol...she even lied and said she heard parents "complain about my healthy food note"...Funny because all the other staff agreed and I heard a lot of parents think it was a great idea....who wants their children coming home all hyper from sugar??

She always used to say that she would love to be able to go to the gym like I do...but when I couldn't plan a meeting on a certain night because of my gym class...she actually said " God Angela..you can afford to miss ONE class!" My reply was " No, I cannot because I'm devoted and it's something that I'm not willing to give up for just some random meeting..so we'll have to plan it for another night"

Anyways sorry to change this into my rant...I totally understand what you're going through! I believe the best thing is to put her in her place and let her know that what she is doing isn't right. Most of what these people do stems from jealousy! Jealous that we are doing something to make our lives better and getting some sort of pleasure in trying to make us fail.

Last edited by angelanicole23; 02-23-2009 at 09:00 PM.
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Old 02-23-2009, 09:26 PM   #14  
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Quote:
just put her in her place by saying..."why are you trying to sabatoge my diet by buying this crap..if I wanted it I'd buy it myself"
No...don't! She already knows you are not good at asserting yourself and try to smooth the water too much. DO NOT ENGAGE HER IN ANYTHING EXCEPT WORK RELATED TOPICS. You are not responsible for her feelings, only yours. Avoid any discussion with her about personal things, especially your diet and if you do need to speak to her, remain professional, and non-emotional, but shut her down and tell her you are busy. It's also not your job to explain to her why you are cutting her off from a personal relationship of any kind. As long as you are professionally kind and courteous, that is all that is required of you.

You are allowing this to continue by engaging her. If she continues to harrass you "AFTER" you learn to stop engaging, you can report it to HR.

Last edited by recidivist; 02-23-2009 at 09:37 PM.
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Old 02-23-2009, 09:43 PM   #15  
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Originally Posted by recidivist View Post
No...don't! She already knows you are not good at asserting yourself and try to smooth the water too much. DO NOT ENGAGE HER IN ANYTHING EXCEPT WORK RELATED TOPICS.
Agreed. At this point, you know that she's hostile to you and your attempts to lose weight. A simple "No, thank you." is enough. If she presses, continue: "No, thank you." Someone a little higher up had a good suggestion; if she keeps pressing, say, "I'm politely asking you now to please leave me alone."

You're not obligated to treat her with anything other than professional courtesy, and you're not obligated to discuss anything personal with her. As others have said, it's a good idea to document this stuff just in case. (That might be fun, actually.....if she asks why you're constantly jotting things down whenever she comes over to talk, you can smile and say, succintly, "Documentation." Heh.)
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