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I need some advice ladies. Stupid men!

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Old 01-27-2009, 12:17 AM   #1
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Default I need some advice ladies. Stupid men!

I have been seeing the same guy for over a year now. In the beginning we were just dating but as the months went on he made it clear to me we would never be exclusive to eachother. We ended it and got back together many many times, mostly because I'd get so fed up with him. At this point it's mostly been late night calls and no actual hanging out in public dates or anything. He stands me up a lot too. And in general he's pretty disrespectful, if I ever talk about anything he'll interrupt and tell me I'm boring him, or he'll just make loud snoring noises until I shut up. He's done a ton of other ****ty things too, like flirt with girls in front of me etc etc. He never returns phone calls either. This guy is overweight, doesn't really take too good care of himself, is unemployed, dropped out of university, and all he ever does is smoke weed and get wasted but for some ridiculous insane reason I can never stop thinking about him.

I have guys show interest often but for some reason I'm sooo picky about them. A lot of them are from school, and I'm in my 3rd year of molecular biology which equals a ton of over achieving nerds hitting on me that want to make me their baby carrying homemaker machine. My general complaints are that they're "too nice" or "too clingy" or not outgoing etc etc. So does anyone have any advice? Should I give one of these guys a chance, or stick with the *******? And does anyone know what's wrong with me? I'd love some harsh comments that would really snap me out of this. This guy has put me through absolute ****, to the point where I'm crying on the bathroom floor for hours trying to figure out how the **** I got here.
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Old 01-27-2009, 12:23 AM   #2
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well i'll say this at least the "over achieving nerds" have some ambition and will b successful contributing members of society. ur in school trying to get an education and better urself the last thing u need is some rude, obnoxious, disrespectful slacking loser to drag u down. ur gorgeous and u don't have to settle for either. if u like bad boys find u one with tattoos and piercings on the weekends and a tie for work during the week those r the kind i like.
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Old 01-27-2009, 12:24 AM   #3
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Hi. Yeah. Been THERE.

Just because you think you are picky does not mean you have to settle for some loser because you think the right one will never come along. That's crap!

I'm a BIG fan of the nice guy. Sometimes they are clingy. Actually, my DH was very attentive (still is) and it FREAKED me out because it was such a change from the a$$hat I was with before. But he grew on me and I feel so lucky to have given him a chance

If you don't like a guy because htey are clingy/needy/whatever, that's fine, but don't settle for anything less than you are worth, which is more than this guy!

Just my 2 cents.
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Old 01-27-2009, 12:43 AM   #4
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Leave that loser where he is... on his couch. He is so not worth any girls time. Try going out on a couple of guys from your school, they will amount to much more in there life time then the loser who you are with now, and they will be able to support you instead of you supporting their bad decisions.
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Old 01-27-2009, 12:58 AM   #5
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How could you possibly even let yourself be around somebody like that? Honestly... I think you need to drop him, and drop him hard. He sounds like the scum of the earth. Sorry for my bluntness but the t3's I took apparently make me very honest. I'm not saying you should go for the other guys you described... but I mean it doesn't have to be one or the other. It could be neither.
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Old 01-27-2009, 01:19 AM   #6
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Thumbs down drop him

drop the loser. first of all the guy is a total jerk and id like to punch him in the face. im a big supporter of the nice guy but you dont need to go for one of them, but it never hurts to go on a date. You dont need a long term relationship so try out your options a little more you might be surprised. Plus you dont need any guy. take some time for yourself, hang out with your friends, make some more friends. keep yourself busy so you wont want to go back to the jerk.
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Old 01-27-2009, 01:33 AM   #7
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There was a guy I was totally in love with. He fits the description of your guy except he had a 3yr old kid AND lived with his mom.

He told me that he wasn't going to settle down with me yet I kept going back for more because he was so funny, outgoing, and friends with EVERYONE. I always admired him for that sole reason, plus other things behind closed doors . . . .

I cried over him . . .when I heard he got a girlfriend who was the same age height and weight as me I was crushed and he would STILL call me and want to see me and go out.

3 years later I had almost completely lost touch with him until he calls me up saying that him and his girl broke up and LO AND BEHOLD he wants to get with me.

Sorry, but I'm in a relationship with a man who has a real job, has his own place, and doesn't make me feel like I'm not good enough.

Seriously, throw that trash out to the curb he is not worth it. It takes a LONG time to get over such strong feelings. It took me 3 years and I still have a little glimpse of nostalgia.


I forgot to add. He is now 30yrs old, and still lives with his mom. LOL
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Old 01-27-2009, 02:18 AM   #8
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My advice is to make a commitment to yourself for a set time -- like, you'll be on your own, getting to know yourself better for a little bit.

RUN DO NOT WALK AWAY FROM THIS LOSER WHO DISRESPECTS YOU!! That is not going to get any better. If you have to cry about him for a bit, then do it...but do it AWAAAAAY from him, far away, far away.

Just because the perfect guy isn't in front of you right now doesn't mean you won't meet him soon, so the sooner you get over this guy, the sooner you'll be ready for a really really GOOD guy. Don't settle for less than you deserve.
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Old 01-27-2009, 04:59 AM   #9
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I dont think anything is wrong with you...sometimes we just like to stick with what we know, because that is our comfort zone. That being said, however, its important to love yourself and realize you deserve better. As scary as it is to stray from what feels "safe" sometimes it has to be done.

Also, i very much agree with it not having to be one or the other...there are plenty of guys that are a happy medium between the two described. good luck!
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Old 01-27-2009, 08:13 AM   #10
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Leave His Fat Unemployed A**!!!!!
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Old 01-27-2009, 08:38 AM   #11
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Hugs to you, leave the loser and congrats on pursuing a challenging area of study. Take a chance not all "nerds" are the same you just might develop something worthwhile.
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Old 01-27-2009, 09:38 AM   #12
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the guy is a total loser. sometimes we have to date losers to figure out what we really want. it seems like you know you dont want this guy, so give him the boot, and if he tries to talk you out of it, just start fake snoring. while giving him the finger.
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Old 01-27-2009, 09:46 AM   #13
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My sister had basically the same thing, he started out a nice guy then ended up into heavy drugs and all she wanted to do was be there and help, but he was ruining her life. She finally left and is the happiest she's ever been! I personally only date the nerdy guys, and half of them aren't as "nerdy" as they may look! I say give them a chance, if it turns out not to be for you then move on, there's lots of in-betweens!
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Old 01-27-2009, 09:49 AM   #14
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While I'm not the best person for giving relationship advice right now, I can tell you that you need to stay away from this guy. (You wanted harshness so here goes...) As hard as it might be for awhile, do not take his phone calls, do not text him, have NO contact with him what so ever even when he comes back on his hands and knees. He is a selfish, selfcentered man that will never change. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with that? Do you want to have children with a partner like that? No. So drop him now.

I also agree on the comment that you need to work on your self esteem first and foremost. Girls that allow this to go on have something deeper going on, usually, then they realize. Why do you not deserve to be treated like a queen? Why do you deserve to lay on a bathroom floor crying? You don't. So stop it. Get over it and figure out what makes you happy before you worry about having a partner. Relationships do not define you. You define you and you need to figure out who you are before you will have a successful relationship. Guys like this guy only hold you back and bring you down. So knock it off!

And...once you know who you are, give the nerds a chance. One might surprise you...
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Old 01-27-2009, 10:11 AM   #15
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heather - your situation sounds soo much like mine. This guy is very social and has tons and tons of friends and hes always fun to be around. I'm realllly afraid that he'll find someone he can commit to, I know that would destroy me.

I always find the courage to end it, and I always feel a lot better when he's not in the picture, but then I'll get bored with my life not see a reason why not to call him. Or he'll call me and tell me how much he misses me etc. I always tell myself THIS time I can handle it.

DisgruntledOne - That's pretty much what I needed to hear. It's what I know mentally know, but don't seem to put into action.

Ideally I really do want to be happy and content being alone, but right now I feel like there's needs to be a reason NOT to go back to him. A reason that I couldn't talk myself out of.

Thanks for all the responses. I feel pretty stupid for getting myself in this deep and to other people the answer is always pretty easy. I wish I could really FEEL what you're all telling me, instead of just nodding my head and realizing mentally that it's right.
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