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Old 01-07-2009, 02:23 PM   #1
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Default Guy problems! Need advice.

Did all guys get a memo to be complete d*cks to me? I had a really bad experience when I went home with an ex of mine. He really made me upset and hurt me and now he doesn't know what he did wrong. I told him in detail what he did. And his answer? He wants to have a child with me?!?! What the crap? Did I miss something here? He doesn't want to be with me. We live 2000 miles a part. And he wants to have a freaking child with me? Do I look like I don't deserve a good man? This guy and I were best friends from the time I was 16 to 24 and then decided to be more and didn't work out. We didn't talk for 3 years, but thought we could still be friends now. Obviously not!

I'm so mad right now! How dare he! Then to top it off, I keep hitting on by men that have a wife or girl friend at home! What is wrong with guys?!?!

I think I'm going to become a nun b/c if guys are like this, I'm going to prison for murder. I might as well turn myself in now and save my conscious some trouble. Stupid guys!
I mean who does this happen to? Do exes really say, "I don't know what I did wrong, but let's have a baby?" I think that I let things slide in the past when I was heavier, b/c I didn't think I was worthy to be treated well, but uh not anymore. I think it's the counseling I got last year and the fact that I do feel better about my looks, that has me having a greater self respect for myself. But I feel a rampage coming on! Reminds of the movie Fried Green Tomatoes, when Kathy Bates, smashes the skinny girl's car and then talks about shooting guys in their gentiles. I think I'm right there!
I'm done being nice. How do you tell guys they can't treat you like that and still be a nice person? I don't know the balance at all.
Sorry about the long rant. I originally posted this in the weekly chat and then felt bad I was taking over it. Lol

So my question is, how do I balance being nice and getting respect?
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. 4 months from now, what you will look like if you quit and what you will look like if you keep going? 4 months is going to happen no matter what, what will be your choice?
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Old 01-07-2009, 03:04 PM   #2
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Hmm...not a totally familiar situation to me (of course, hopefully not to many!), but I've had a fair amount of experience with the opposite gender, so I'll take a shot at some advice.

For one, this guy needs to be cut out of your life. I don't know the entire context of the "baby" conversation, but seriously? If he thinks that a baby is a solution to anything, he's obviously not all there. You said that you didn't talk to him for years, and he lives 2000 miles away, so eliminating contact shouldn't be any great loss. No need to welcome drama, or dramatic people.

And hold on to your self respect! Some men are pigs. This is why I RARELY go to bars and clubs anymore...being hit on by old, married, gross, guys. Just smile, say thanks but no thanks, and walk away. Going on a rampage won't help, even belittling them won't help - they'll just move on to another target. But remember, not ALL men are pigs. There are some good ones out there! And the best way to attract them? Being happy, confident, and (cliched but true) not looking for them! I met my current boyfriend of 1.5 years when I had just gotten out of a disastrous relationship and sworn off guys. We started hanging out as friends, and it escalated into more...but it was over 4 months before I would even let him call me his girlfriend! He now says that one thing he found so attractive about me was that I wasn't needy, or clingy, or anything...I was out to make myself happy without a guy. And it showed.

Hope that helps! Keep feeling good about yourself, and remember that you deserve SO MUCH better than that guy!!!
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Old 01-07-2009, 03:14 PM   #3
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hes and @$$, no doubt, most of them out there are.. . . believe me ive had my share of @$$ encounters, but there are amazing men out there, youll find one that will be amazing you just have to be patient while you weed out the loser.
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Old 01-07-2009, 04:23 PM   #4
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buy this book and read it.

"im just not that into you"


i read it, when i was getting really messed around, no man has ever done it again. seriously, it changed my life
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Old 01-07-2009, 04:39 PM   #5
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Pretty- I actually have read it. I love that book. It's like I'm fine when I'm by myself, but why do guys come looking for trouble? It pisses me off. I try to get away from jerks like this guy, but they keep bothering me!
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Old 01-07-2009, 04:56 PM   #6
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Quote:
How do you tell guys they can't treat you like that and still be a nice person?
I think TELLING them is a waste of time. But you can simply NOT HAVE IT! And you do that not by scolding, but by walking away if their behavior isn't acceptable.

"Do you think that's an appropriate way to treat people?...Okay, that's all I need to know thanks for the valuable life lesson BYE."

My mom gave me a book called 'Why Men Marry *****es". It's a horrible title, but a good book. It mainly is concerned with helping women find the balance between being nice and being doormats. It's more slanted towards serious relationships, but I'm not and still found it very helpful.
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Old 01-07-2009, 04:58 PM   #7
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I feel you on the guys being you know whats! I have had my fair share of them and now my ex (who by the way is 2500 miles away) has been "talking" to my best friend when I told him to stay out of my life. So now I am losing a best friend because of it all....stupid people. On top of that the only time I got hit on constantly was when I DID have a boyfriend, now that I dont its like i'm a disease....I say NEver speak to this man again and you will feel much better.
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Old 01-07-2009, 05:02 PM   #8
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I read a good book about how to gain respect from the opposite sex, it's called "why men love B****es." It was really a nice read and taught me a lot about not being a pushover, and how to be a woman in power over myself and how others treat me etc.
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Old 01-07-2009, 06:06 PM   #9
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I have totally been there! I have dated more than my share of jerks! One of my ex's asked me to marry him, ring and ALL while he was living with his current gf. I should have punched him out, instead I stopped answering my phone!

My best advice would be to know what you want, and why you want it. Once I figured that out, I met my current bf, and we've been together for 9 years. It sounds easy enough, but it really isn't. I found out that I wanted a bf for the wrong reasons, I wanted the status among my friends. Another thing that helped was that I was clear with all the guys I dated, after a few dates of course, that I was after a serious relationship, not a casual one.

Remember - you are an incredibly strong and motivated woman, and you deserve to have someone in your life thats going to nurture you and your goals. Date a personal trainer, cuz thats totally what I wanna do.. lol...

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Old 01-07-2009, 06:25 PM   #10
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That is really unfortunate that he thinks he can treat you that way. I say if you dont appreciate his antics, then to give him the boot from your life. But please remember, There are amazing guys out there!! I happen to know several in fact, and am lucky enough to be marrying the greatest man ever (sorry girls you'll have to settle for the runner ups >.<) Also please rmember, that guys get treated like **** to, not just us.. a lot of my guy friends come to me complaining about their most recent heart break, and the things done to them are just as bad as what is done to us!

I'll tell you like i tell them, sometimes you have to wade through a lot of ****, to appreciate something nice when you have it! The right guys is out there for you. and he isnt an ******* and he will treat you great! remember that!
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Old 01-07-2009, 06:31 PM   #11
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Aware- Thanks girl! And um where do you live, b/c you need to send them my way! lol just kidding. You're so right about that. I can't give up on men totally.

Swim- You made me smile! You're so amazing!

Beau- I heard of that book, but what's it about? Should I read it?

Dis- you're so right. I have to let it not effect me. I heard from a girl today at work, she told me that most of the guys at our work are married but they don't care. They still hit on all the hot girls and she said that includes me. lol I was like thank you!

Blcarter- They aren't seeing each other are they?

Ok, so the moral of this story is for me not to let it bother me and keep going? Don't say anything b/c it's a waste of time, but don't give them my attention either? I think this is a good lesson for all of us to learn as we get hotter and hotter!
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Old 01-07-2009, 06:46 PM   #12
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I'm pretty much going to give you the same advice as these lovely ladies.

I say SCREW HIM... actually, I wouldn't put it so nicely, but then again I have a potty mouth.

I had an ex that treated me like that... actually 2 of them. We'd be on again / off again and basically when we were lonely we'd come back to one another and talk about a "future" that was non existent to make each other feel wanted, needed, etc. Needless to say I just stopped talking to him.

There for a while I was also attracting men that were married or involved... put my foot down on that BS too.

I ended up taking almost a YEAR to myself [literally, I even bought myself a fake engagement ring set from Target. I know it sounds WEIRD, but it was a reminder to myself that I was concentrating on ME so essentially, I was married to myself... ]. After that year was almost up... one of the exes tried his BS with me. I didn't answer his phone call. And then the most amazing person came into my life. He'd had a SERIOUS thing for me for over 3 years and at the time I just didn't think it would work and never gave him a chance.

Now I'm glad I did.

Think about it. You'll know what to do. Honestly, your ex is treating you like trash. That doesn't necessarily deserve you being "nice" back to him.
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