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Old 12-07-2008, 07:11 PM   #1
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Default Dating while overweight

I'm about 70 pounds overweight and I'm (still) single. Everyone keeps telling me that I'll meet someone once I lose the weight because I have a "great personality" (that's up there with having a pretty face!!! ). I wonder if this is true. Is it possible that men are turned off by the fact that I'm so overweight? But then I wonder, do I have to hit a *magic number* before I start getting noticed?? I'm so frustrated!!!!!
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Old 12-07-2008, 07:54 PM   #2
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As sad as it is a lot of people judge others based on what they look like. I get more attention now that I have lost weight and it's annoying in a way. I have only changed physically and have the same personality which is supposed to be the important part.

Of course there are wounderful people out there who really do get to know you and like you for the right reasons but that takes time. There is no magic number and I'm sure you've heard the "you just have to wait for the right person" line, which is true. Be patient, you can't force it.

You're working on improving your life and becoming a healthier person and that's what matters most. Go you for that!

Getting back my body after baby!
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Old 12-07-2008, 08:08 PM   #3
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I don't think there's a magic number for all people, it depends on the guy and on you. For me, I noticed that once I was around 200 and a little under, my confidence and slimmer body were enough that more people were talking to me.

Started July 1, 2012 @ 290lbs
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Old 12-07-2008, 08:14 PM   #4
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I've noticed now that I've lost a lot of weight I get WAY more compliments/looks from guys....after a while it honestly gets annoying being hit on..didn't think I'd ever say that..lol..but it's true!

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Old 12-07-2008, 08:27 PM   #5
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i dont know, to be honest. Ive always been overweight when ive dated, but i do find that when i am less overweight i get more attention. Who knows, just be yourself, keep losing, and see


"If you want to get thin, stick the mars bar up your a** and get a rottweiler to chase you down the street"- Billy Connolly
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Old 12-07-2008, 08:50 PM   #6
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I'm dating a man, and can have such a difficult time receiving his love because of how i feel about myself. Truth is, there are some guys who are turned off by weight, just like there are those who are turned on by weight. I end up having problems when i look for guys to fill my insecurities. I think it was mentioned already, but bears repeating- you're taking care of yourself. Thats whats important. Oh yeah- I spent years in an emotionally damaging relationship just so i could say i wasnt single. The guy meant well- we just shouldve remained friends. Long story, i'll share it if you want (send me a PM). Anywho, sometimes its better to be alone, working on yourself, than alledgedly together and unhappy. Best of luck to you!!!!!
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Old 12-07-2008, 08:55 PM   #7
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I guess I feel frustrated because I hate feeling like my life is on hold, you know? I feel like I have to lose a bunch of weight and THEN I can start having the relationships that I want. But I do know that while I'm mistreating myself through overeating and lack of exercise, I usually allow others to mistreat me. So my singleness might not be SO bad... although it gets lonely!
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Old 12-07-2008, 09:20 PM   #8
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I don't know what the magic number was but there was definently some point where all the sudden I was getting hit on while at the bar, at parties, while at work, ect. I think part of it is more then just weight loss I think in general I present myself with more confidence now that I've lost weight and no longer care how people think about how I look.
"It's better to be hated for who you are then loved for who you're not"

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Old 12-07-2008, 09:43 PM   #9
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I think you should go ahead and date. I've weighed from 240 to 160 and I've always gotten a lot of attention from guys! Yah I'm sure I got more attention when I was thinner but I don't think weight is such a huge issue. I think guys like confidence. If you walk into a room radiating confidence in your appearance I think it makes you look more beautiful. (Not to be confused with radiating arrogance!) So go out there and start dating! And any decent guy will like you no matter what size you are. And wouldn't it feel great if you knew the guy you were with already saw you at your worst?? You wouldn't ever have those, "what if I gain the weight back?" questions because he was with you through that!!

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Old 12-07-2008, 11:02 PM   #10
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I agree, if you're confident in yourself, then don't worry

I have some of the same feelings you do though, it stops me from dating because i'm just to scared of what others will think of me. agh. we gotta stop thinking this say!
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Old 12-07-2008, 11:06 PM   #11
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LadyPhoenix, I had a "magic number" which I STILL haven't met but it made me be single for almost 5 years. I had some people hit on me here or there but I never TRIED to date. Then one day this guy hit on me at a show, someone I wasn't interested in but it made me feel really good. About a week later I posted an online dating ad and I went on a date with 4 guys. They all liked me a lot, two of them are still my friends and one of them is my boyfriend of more than 2 years.

In my experience, the minute I thought "I'm going to quit 'acting fat', then suddenly there were all these people available. It happened to me when I got my first boyfriend, right after high school, too. Confidence gets you FAR.

Everyone is right, the thinner you are the more likely you are to be hit on. BUT if that person only wants you at your thinnest (and not now) they are not a good person to have. My skinny underweight boyfriend has watched me go from 40 lbs overweight to 65 lbs overweight (and hopefully back down again) and never said a single negative word.
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Old 12-07-2008, 11:11 PM   #12
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So don't put your LIFE on hold! Get out there and live it. A relationship is just one aspect of anyone's life.
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Old 12-07-2008, 11:42 PM   #13
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My dating life is on hold not so much due to the weight, but the excess skin that I have. I think only the odd rare guy can get past it, honestly.. not that I give them a chance, because I never let it go that far. It's different if you're already with someone because they know you enough to look past it, but not someone new. I joined this dating site and I've talked to some guys, but I feel like I have to offer this disclaimer... lol... so I never let it get farther than conversation. Anyway, I guess I'll put up with it til I get the surgery I want later in the year.
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Old 08-30-2012, 03:14 PM   #14
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This is crazy! I have dated at my highest weight and at my lowest weight... Men like women of all different shapes, sized, colors and creeds. Just gotta give the right one a chance. I agree though a lot of it has to do with how YOU feel about yourself. If you are a wallflower and your overweight hiding in a corner chances are you won't be noticed. If you walk in somewhere, looking good, feeling good, acting like you don't give a S#!T (even if you do) people will notice. You only have one life... there are no do-overs. If you want to date you should not let the weight hold you back. Plus your numbers are not really that high right now so chances are there are some demons that you need to deal with on the inside (changing the way you see yourself for one). Once you get past all of that you may find it easier to believe that you can get the dating life you want.

One "DOH" for every 5 lbs

MAJOR GOALS:188.6 by Dec 25th 2014 (11 months to go) I will surprise my family with this ; 150 GOAL!!! by May 2015 (16 Months to go) 3 week trip to Italy!!!Shoot I am going to Italy in May of 2015.

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Old 08-30-2012, 04:55 PM   #15
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No magic number for sure. If you feel good,it will show on you. Guys will be attracted to you like bees to honey. There is someone waiting for you there and you will meet him and be in love no matter what your weight will be then
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