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Dating while overweight

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Old 08-31-2012, 06:26 AM   #16
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There's no magic number. Heck, guys don't have any idea of what your number even is...My guy balked when I told him I was going on a diet because it was "silly for someone as tiny as you to diet." Uh huh...tell that to the obese BMI that I had at the time. He was "helping" me pick out shirts one day and couldn't understand why I was having so much trouble...he was finding LOTS of shirts. Unfortunately he kept handing me smalls and mediums when I was trying to find larges and x-larges. Moral of the story: if you find someone worth your time, chances are that they're going to look past your waistline to actually get to know you for you.

There seems to be tons of people on here happily married, engaged, or otherwise attached from all over the weight spectrum...The issue is getting past your own inhibitions. When guys used to give me attention, I always figured that there was an ulterior motive because I found myself so unattractive that I couldn't imagine someone actually being interested in me. I dressed like a guy, refused to make eye contact with people that I didn't know at parties, and generally was just terribly anti-social. Then the internet happened...and I'm about 50x more outgoing online than I am irl. So I got in the habit of having nerdy discussions with guys online and somehow that translated into actually talking to people off of the computer...then since halfway through high school I really haven't had much trouble finding a boyfriend or even a hookup if I wanted one despite the fact that I was between 180 and 200 lbs up until June.
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Old 08-31-2012, 06:54 AM   #17
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This is SO silly to me. Why would you want to even date someone that doesn't love you for you? I can't wrap my head around this theory. I met my husband when I was pushing 300 and he's been there no matter what. (He's 6' and 170lbs and hot.) I've never struggled finding a man though. I do believe it has a lot to do with your confidence levels. I've never settled for less than the best and never lived my life like I was fat. (If that makes sense.)

Idk, don't sell yourself short. That's my advice. If you want to date, go out there and do it. Go to a bar, buy a guy a drink. Go on a speed date. Join match.com. There are definitely options. Just have fun. Life is short.
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Old 08-31-2012, 07:29 AM   #18
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I also recommend not waiting until you're thinner to be in a relationship- you'll respect your partner so much more if (s)he cared about you when you were slightly obese. A successful relationship or date is also a great confidence booster, and will help you stay motivated on your weight loss journey.
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Old 08-31-2012, 11:11 AM   #19
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Yeah, definitely don't wait. Find someone who loves you for you... You never know what the future holds and someone who loves EVERY inch of you will be more likely to be supportive if things go south in the future. There is definitely no magic number.... My past boyfriend used to say his ideal weight was 10 - 20 lbs above "normal" and I asked him who he thought was normal, and he said my sister. Well, my sister is already 20 lbs overweight... I think a lot of men (and women, really) have a really bad idea of how much people weigh.

Just be healthy and find someone who cares about you, not about your body. My fiance loves me no matter what size, but he also wants me to lose weight so I can be healthier - this is what you should be looking for, IMO.
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Old 08-31-2012, 12:01 PM   #20
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My boyfriend thinks I'm perfect and can't imagine why I'd want to lose weight, and I'm a good 70lbs over a "healthy" weight!

It is about finding the man that loves YOU, not your body. Don't wait for that. Tomorrow is not guaranteed (and who knows how long it will take to get to a weight you feel "comfortable" dating?).
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Old 08-31-2012, 01:17 PM   #21
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I agree that you shouldn't see yourself short, and don't sell the entire male gender short either. Assuming that no decent guy will be interested in a woman of size (unless he has a fat fetish) sell the entire gender short, and it also prevents you from seeing these guys (because you'll assume that any interest paid to you, proves a guy is creepy and unworthy of you.

If you're superficial yourself (and only want to date gorgeous or weatlhy men, for example) then you are going to have a hard time finding a match if you're not willing to date they guys who are strongly attracted to larger women. Women who want men to look past imperfections (according to societal standards) have to be willing to look past imperfections as well.

Though imperfection isn't exactly the right word, because sometimes what's imperfect to society is perfect for an individual (I love that my hubby doesn't fit the societal ideals, because what makes him imperfect according to society, is what makes him perfect for me). I love (most of the time) that hubby doesn't have a whole lot of tact. He mostly says what he thinks, and that can be seen as rude at times, but I never have to guess what he's really thinking. I love that about him, and wish more people were as direct.

Often men who are attracted to women who don't fit the stereotype of attractiveness are a bit shy. Not even necessarily shy so much as slow-to-warm up. That was hubby. He wasn't at all shy, but he was a bit relluctant to admit his feelings (or even if he had any). This describes me too (I was reluctant to let a man know I was very attracted to him, unless he'd expressed his attraction first).

I'm glad I placed a personal ad, because hubby and I would have never hooked up in "real life."
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Old 08-31-2012, 01:39 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sept2012 View Post
This is crazy! I have dated at my highest weight and at my lowest weight... Men like women of all different shapes, sized, colors and creeds. Just gotta give the right one a chance. I agree though a lot of it has to do with how YOU feel about yourself. If you are a wallflower and your overweight hiding in a corner chances are you won't be noticed. If you walk in somewhere, looking good, feeling good, acting like you don't give a S#!T (even if you do) people will notice. You only have one life... there are no do-overs. If you want to date you should not let the weight hold you back. Plus your numbers are not really that high right now so chances are there are some demons that you need to deal with on the inside (changing the way you see yourself for one). Once you get past all of that you may find it easier to believe that you can get the dating life you want.
Psst: this was from 4 years ago.
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Old 09-01-2012, 06:28 AM   #23
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Holy crap, you're right...this is the second necropost I've commented on recently...now I just feel silly.
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Old 09-01-2012, 05:05 PM   #24
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I'm sure some of it is still relevant, of course. But I don't think people realized how old it was.
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Old 09-01-2012, 06:05 PM   #25
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Well the nice thing about this thread, is that it's concerning an issue that comes up very frequently here, so even if OP is long gone (or even happily married) by now, it very likely will help many people who have the same feelings but perhaps haven't yet asked the question.
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Old 09-02-2012, 09:41 PM   #26
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I have had periods of my life where I didn't have any dates and felt horrible. But honestly, once I started to gain confidence and like myself I had no trouble finding people to date. I have been blessed with the most affirming friends and they find me sexy, so I find myself sexy, so other people find me sexy.

I have even been given the (dubious and horrible) compliment of "I don't usually date fat girls but you just seemed so different I had to go out on a date with you" I didn't like his attitude, but it was sort of flattering that my attitude made him want to see what made me different.
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Old 09-02-2012, 11:28 PM   #27
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Here is my experience. I've only done online dating as I never meet people in real life - I either don't hang out at the right places, or I put off "leave me alone" vibes lol.

I dated several years ago at my highest weight. I had very few people who were interested, and those that I did go out with were not a great fit. (I took a long break after a bad experience where the guy was waaaaay more into me than I was into him, and he ended up getting hurt very badly because I didn't have enough experience to recognize it and handle it properly.)

I started up on the sites again at about 190 lbs and still had relatively little interest. I kept at it, had a few phone calls but no dates. Once I got to around 160 and updated my pics, it literally was like the floodgates had opened - I had many many times the number of people contacting me.

I always had the attitude that they should like me for me, not for the weight. But in practice, I think that was a bit naive. Even when I was obese I didn't want to date someone who was obese.
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Old 09-03-2012, 03:24 AM   #28
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I agree with earlier posts. Theres definitely no magic number, I met guys at all different sizes. I'll be honest though the biggest reason was that I always had a sense of confidence even at my biggest. Strangely enough I don't have half as much anymore, because I'm so aware of my size. However I do now have a truly amazing, loving and complimentary boyfriend who really looks after me. In all honesty I think that he will come when you least expect it, that's what happened to me.
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Old 09-04-2012, 09:56 PM   #29
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Yikes. I certainly hope you don't seriously think there is a certain weight number where all men suddenly want to date a woman. I'm a little bit chunky and my boyfriend (who is pretty skinny, btw) doesn't mind at all, he supports me losing a bit of weight; or whatever I want to do. Because he loves me for the person I am, he isn't so shallow to only be concerned about my waist line. Getting down to a certain weight should be about feeling good and being more healthy not on whether or not you'll get into a relationship. Like was said earlier, a relationship is only one aspect of a person's life.

It's all about finding the right guy, not getting down to the right weight. I think men get a lot of crap for this and it's sad, not all of them are so focused solely on appearances!
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