Back when I thought I was fat... I was effing nuts.
Okay, I found a picture today that sparked insane anger at my 17 year old self. ANGER.
I hated myself. Hate hate hate. I was about 135 lbs, and I thought I was fat. I had chubby thighs, and my stomach wasn't perfectly flat, so I must be a cow, right? Good god.
I found this picture of myself from when I was 17 and going to formal (prom) with my boyfriend who was a senior. Let's keep in mind that I was (without a doubt) sucking in, because my stomach has never been that flat... but either way, THIS girl.. thought she was fat, and was probably attempting Atkins at the time. She's a freakin' beanpole.
She was f*cking crazy.
Anyone else have similar situations? Or can think back to the idiocy of your youth in terms of your weight loss?
Morning Jelbb! OH yeah... I WAS that girl too. Same as you. About 135/140 and always thought I was F A T.... CRAZY!! And I really, honest to Gawd, thought I was fat. I look back at photos now and smack myself... If only we could be back to that 135/140 mark!!! Soon.....very soon...
I was a dancer, did ballet for years. In order to be "suitable" as a dancer at a whopping 5'8", you need to be the same weight and have the same measurements as a girl 8 inches shorter with a super-petite frame.
I smoked like a chimney, went on strict vegan diets, and even attempted the Ana Boot Camp diet a few times -- NOT HEALTHY.
I never stopped eating outright, and I wasn't one of the flock of dancers that was in the bathroom making themselves puke before shows. The environment was E.D. ****. My 112 goal is what I weighed as a dancer before joining the military.
I have this thing in my head that so desires to be that again, but at the same time I look at pictures of myself then and now, and I'm nearly in the same clothing size now as I was then (i'm a six now, at my ballet 112 I was a 4 because my actual hip BONES wouldn't fit in a 2) but i'm 30-some pounds heavier, and I look and feel so much better and so much healthier. Even looking at my old idol Svetlana Zakharova kind of makes me wince. She was my ideal, and to be quite frank, that woman looks like a refugee. What was I thinking!?
I still dance on my own and hit the studio to do warm ups a few times a week, and i've even helped teach a few pointe classes, but I don't miss the pressure one bit. I have legs and arms for miles, I have an extension that could knock someones head in the audience clean off -- yet in the ballet world you're punished for your height by having to maintain an unnaturally low body weight just to get an audition or a job.
I wish I could go back to the old me and give her a freakin' steak dinner. She looked like an underweight ostrich with big pink feet.
Last edited by NishKitten; 10-22-2008 at 10:56 AM.
I was actually just thinking of this last night. When I was 12 I was in amazing shape (I figure skated competitively). I found a picture of myself in a bikini from our vacation and I look fantastic. I remember taking that picture and sucking in like it was nobody's business because I thought my stomach was huge. I also remember staying up to neck in the ocean as often as possible to hide my fat. I think part of it was because I skated with girls who were 16/17 and had outgrown most of their baby-fatness and I didn't look like them.
I remember crying the day I weighed myself and was 142 (the same weight as mom at 15...I was probably about 5'5.5" at the time) and I remember officially starting Weight Watchers for the first time at 150lbs. I wanted to be 110lbs. Do you know how thrilled I would be at 150 right now? That's my goal for summer and granted, maybe at 15 and two inches shorter than I am now I could've stood to drop maybe 15 or 20lbs, but I certainly wasn't this huge cow I saw myself as.
I was about a little under 5'10" at 16yrs and weighed 160 but thought I was a friggin giant. It didn't help any that I was surrounded by ppl of a culture that barely got taller than 5'3" and weighed maybe 100 lbs. Actually, that might just be the reason I felt obese.
I was that way too...
I wished I had complained less and enjoyed more being that thin and healthy.. now we´ll be able to really "see" ourselves and enjoy!
When I returned to 3fc just recently I was reading my old diet blog. I was 125 trying desperately to get to 115. Man how happy would I be with 125, ecstatic!
I'll join you all! I always thought I was fat. Bigger,yes. But fat, **** NO! I was about 140 in high school and a size 10. I'd love to be that now. Looking back at the pictures, I was cute and looked perfect for my frame and height. And when I went to college, all **** broke loose.
When I returned to 3fc just recently I was reading my old diet blog. I was 125 trying desperately to get to 115. Man how happy would I be with 125, ecstatic!
Oh, that's me, too. As well as all the other posts here, lol.
I was 125 when I was 13 years old and thought I was huge. I gained up to 150ish, lost down to just under 125 in college... and was desperate to get under 120 because I still felt so overweight. Now I'm up to 145ish (although down to 142 last time I weighed!) and I'd looove to be 125. Heck, I'd be happy enough to stay 125 forever, that was a decent weight.
I'm there with ya. When I was in college I weighed around 135. I wanted DESPERATELY to weigh 115. Never got there. Got down to 120 a few times, but couldn't maintain it.
Now? 135 would be a great healthy weight for me.
With youth comes stupidity ... or something like that.
Back when I thought I was fat... I was effing nuts.
