3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Support Forum > Support Groups > 20-Somethings

Should I break up with him...?

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 09-28-2008, 09:30 PM   #1
Senior Member
 
garstar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Good ol minnesota
Posts: 863

S/C/G: 150/ticker/120

Height: 5' 3"

Default Should I break up with him...?

I'm having the worst day, I'm totally bawling right now.

I've been with my boyfriend 8 months give or take. I really like him, he's so fun to be with. But - as a boyfriend goes - he's really bad at it. He provides no emotional support, no affection, no drive to want to spend time with me, especially time alone with me. I am constantly getting turned down by my BOYFRIEND. I don't think it's a lack of care - I think (according to him anyway) it's just how he is. He likes his alone time, he's not an affectionate person - physically or emotionally. Also, he's been hurt before - so he's really closed up, afraid to get hurt again.

Well, I've waited - hoping that he'll open up to me, and I think he has - and what I have is what it is. And I don't think it's enough for me, and It's really hard... because I really like him. I was hoping he'd be this person who cared about me... I mean I want to spend time with him, he's so much fun (and so hot). But I deserve better.... someone who wants to spend time with me, it's like pulling teeth to plan a date with the guy.

I'm so afraid to be alone though, I'm really lacking friends right now...

what do I do
__________________
Over All:

[/url]


Before and After Pics: Pics!
Blog!
garstar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2008, 09:41 PM   #2
Senior Member
 
JamieJo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 851

Height: 5'6.5

Default

Oh girlfriend.... Sorry to say, but show him the door and don't look back. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a guy that you are begging for attention from? Trust me, trust me, trust me....you will find someone out there who does everything the way you need it to be done. Don't waist your young and beautiful (and fun) years on one guy that isn't everything. (How old are you?)

Your last statement (so afarid to be alone, lacking in friends right now) Girl - You go out and find some kickass girlfriends and enjoy life. Don't arrange your life around a guy or depend on one guy for your happiness! There are many years in your future to be committed to one guy. Live while you are so young and don't worry about "the one!"

On flip side - how old is your boy? If he's under 25, he doesn't know what he wants and may come around.

"If you love it, let it go...if it was meant to be, it will return!"

I'm sure that the terrible feelings you are having right now seem like they won't go away...but time really does heal a broken heart if you decide to kick him to the curb!
JamieJo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2008, 09:50 PM   #3
Member
 
BldBlue1966's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Youngstown, Ohio
Posts: 60

S/C/G: 394/See Wt Tracker!/180

Height: 5"10

Default

I am a man and I can tell you this ...

you said " he's so much fun (and so hot). "

I know so many women who get dumped on guys because he can...and will because another woman will jump to snap him up...if you feel sad because of what is happening between you two than you already have your answer, you just don't like it.

Sorry hun, we have all been there,

- Elliott
__________________
Ultimate Goal
BldBlue1966 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2008, 09:51 PM   #4
Senior Member
 
raw23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 920

S/C/G: 204/187/140

Height: 5'8

Default

I agree with everything JamieJo said... it's just not a match. Let him know it's not him, but you just dont work as couple. I know it's uncommon to stay friends with ex's, but my current bf is friends all his ex's and I'm on good terms and communicate with all of mine. I dont know if I recommend this, but maybe just stop thinking of him as a bf and start thinking of him as a best friend... just hang out and meet people together. The relationship will go it's course and you'll gain some confidence to make more friends. Get involved in some activities without him as well.

Good luck to you!




And hey, I wouldn't say this if I didn't really think it, but you are gorgeous!!! Honestly. Get some confidence (or fake till you do) and find a great match for yourself. With your looks you can get anyone. Truly.

Last edited by raw23 : 09-28-2008 at 09:53 PM.
raw23 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2008, 10:14 PM   #5
Senior Member
 
garstar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Good ol minnesota
Posts: 863

S/C/G: 150/ticker/120

Height: 5' 3"

Default

Thanks. It's tough to leave someone, the feeling you get from being with someone is nice you know?
__________________
Over All:

[/url]


Before and After Pics: Pics!
Blog!
garstar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2008, 10:23 PM   #6
Senior Member
 
raw23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 920

S/C/G: 204/187/140

Height: 5'8

Default

For sure. It's great having someone to depend on, cuddle with, love, take you out, etc. But you can get most of that from dating too... Right? Not the trust and dependability stuff, but you can get that from family and friends, I guess.
raw23 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2008, 10:23 PM   #7
Senior Member
 
shelby897's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 1,853

Default

I'm just going to sneak in here on you (I'm a bit old for this particular thread, though ). Maybe it's harder to admit it's not there because there wasn't a single event that broke your heart or made you upset with him?? I know I always found it easier to leave a cheater, jerk, etc. than a nice guy that just didn't click.

That being said -- I married Mr. "nice to me, takes great care of me, everyone loves him, etc." but he shows almost nothing in the way of emotions/time spent together. It' s a VERY lonely place. It's like having a room mate forever. I honestly was rather depressed and lonely until we had our first son nine years ago. I swear the kids and I are very close because they are my companionship.

Make the best decision for you. It may be difficult to move on but it would be more difficult to stay forever (trust me).
__________________


Weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint.
shelby897 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2008, 10:28 PM   #8
Senior Member
 
Kofarq's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Newfoundland
Posts: 552

S/C/G: 195/161/144

Height: 5'9"

Default

You deserve a man who goes out of his way to make you feel special, and who treats you as though you are precious. I had to deal with not great boyfriends like your current one mostly because of low self-esteem, but I finally realized what a catch I am, and started acting like I was worth chasing. I just got married last month. I have the best husband. I'm so proud to introduce him to my friends. **I am 35. Don't just take what you're dealt, go for the gold!
Please read He's just not that into you, by some guy whose name I can't remember, and The Rules by Ellen Fein. These books gave me the power to give myself self confidence.
__________________
*~ Kori ~*
Going on a cruise in March!
Kofarq is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2008, 10:31 PM   #9
Senior Member
 
FreeSpirit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: WA
Posts: 917

S/C/G: 234/154.4/120

Height: 5'6

Default

I was with a guy for 3 years, and in the beginning he was sweet and nice and showed his emotions but in the end he closed up on me, and was just "fun." It was like hanging out with a friend, and not even a close one at that. I was so attached to him because we had been together for so long that our breakup was long and drawn out and very painful. It was for the best, though. Now I'm married to the most wonderful man, I can't even explain how happy he makes me. Don't EVER be afraid to be alone. Everyone needs time alone to grow and to become their own person before they get into a serious relationship, anyways.
FreeSpirit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2008, 10:37 PM   #10
Senior Member
 
SwimGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Winnipeg, Manitoba
Posts: 4,312

S/C/G: 273/260.1/163

Height: 5'7"

Default

I'm relatively new to posting in this thread.. but I thought I'd drop my 2 cents in!

I'd definitely let go of him, you really do deserve so much better. I totally understand being alone - I've lived in a very unfriendly city for 8 years and haven't made ONE lasting friendship - sooo sad! But being single makes it easier to make friends, do what you love to do and those friends will come.

You need someone to support you in all the things life throws at you, and I think in the long run you'll end up more lonely with him than without him. Only you know whats right for you, just trust yourself to make the right decision!

-Aimee
__________________


November Goal: 2.5 down / 2.5 to go!
SwimGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2008, 11:15 PM   #11
Senior Member
 
walking2lose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,487

S/C/G: 158/142/at or below 135 lbs.

Height: 5'5"

Default

Let him go... move forward. I did and have never been happier. I've been married to an amazing man for over four years now. When I was with the ex, I didn't think such men existed. I kept thinking, if I try harder, it'll get better. It didn't.
__________________
--Claire



Eat clean -- I've been primal/paleo since May 2010 Click here for more on how I feel.
Move everyday-- options - walking, biking, dvds - Jillian Michael's, pilates, or yoga
Get plenty of sleep - everything else will be easier when I do this![/color]
walking2lose is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2008, 11:21 PM   #12
Constant Vigilance
 
BlueToBlue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Fremont, CA
Posts: 2,818

S/C/G: 150/132/<130

Height: just under 5'4"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by raw23 View Post
For sure. It's great having someone to depend on, cuddle with, love, take you out, etc. But you can get most of that from dating too... Right? Not the trust and dependability stuff, but you can get that from family and friends, I guess.
But it sounds like you aren't getting much, or any, of that from him anyway. The fact that it's hard to get him to spend time with you is a huge red flag for me. I was immediately reminded of the book "It Sounds Like He's Just Not That Into You."

Move on and be thankful you only wasted 8 months on him. You'll find someone else.
__________________
- Barbara

My Before and After Pics

"Decide what you want; decide what you're willing to exchange for it; establish your priorities, and go to work." --H.L. Hunt

"Life has hills. Set the treadmill at an incline."
BlueToBlue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2008, 11:44 PM   #13
Senior Member
 
beachluvr79's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: SC
Posts: 258

S/C/G: 263/ticker/155

Default

My mother told me something years ago that has stuck with me to this day.
A man may love you the best way he knows how, but it might not be enough. Move on.
I promise you.. if he was this way in the beggining, he won't change.
In the past, when I've had hard break-ups I find it helps if you focus on other things in your life, like volunteering.
My mother also told me that I would meet plenty of good guys, but I wasn't meant to marry them all!
Aww.. I love my mom!
__________________
Wedding Goal June 22, 2013

280K By National Jelly Bean Day

Last edited by beachluvr79 : 09-28-2008 at 11:46 PM.
beachluvr79 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-29-2008, 12:13 AM   #14
Running Fiend.
 
rockstar87's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 477

S/C/G: 210/157/145

Height: 5'7.5"

Default

You sound like a very caring person who's willing to give a lot of herself over to a relationship. It's not fair for you to be the one who's putting so much into this and not getting what you want and deserve out of it...even if that is "just who he is".

It sounds like he's being indifferent towards you and not giving you what you need. You don't want someone like that...you want someone who is equally as committed to the relationship as you are. Don't settle just because you're comfortable. You can do so much better.

I know it's hard to let someone go...but in the long run you'll be glad you did. You'll meet someone really worthwhile and wonder why you even bothered with him in the first place. Hang in there!
rockstar87 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-29-2008, 12:29 AM   #15
Senior Member
 
garstar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Good ol minnesota
Posts: 863

S/C/G: 150/ticker/120

Height: 5' 3"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SwimGirl View Post

You need someone to support you in all the things life throws at you, and I think in the long run you'll end up more lonely with him than without him. Only you know whats right for you, just trust yourself to make the right decision!

-Aimee
I agree, since I've been with him - I've spent less time with my friends, and more time sitting alone becasue he bailed on me or didn't want to hang out. blah. I really need this advice you guys, thanks - my mind is simply not thinking clearly right now.
__________________
Over All:

[/url]


Before and After Pics: Pics!
Blog!
garstar is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice
and no guarantee is made against accuracy.


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:37 PM.






Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2