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"You're not Fat" (mini rant)

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Old 09-22-2008, 04:06 PM   #1
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Default "You're not Fat" (mini rant)

I hear that a lot…more than you would think possible. Which is absolutely RE-DAMN-DICULOUS! I’m just saying, I’m not even 5 feet tall and well over 200 lbs…I mean I know my perception of my size can be off since I think that I’m bigger than every one, but it’s not that off.

I always get “You’re not even that fat.” Not he backhanded complement one, the ‘why are you complaining?’ one. I went over to my friends house on Friday to pick up my food and she and her kids were eating Micky Ds. I’m not a fan, but I have a weakness for French fries and she knows this. She hands me a bag and says she bought me a small fry. I took a couple cause…I hadn’t eaten since lunch and it was 6 and I still had errands to run. And I was joking about how long it would take me to burn that off. And she looks me up and down, “Why are you still trying to lose weight? You lost hella weight when you were sick.” And I was like, “Yeah, but I want to be thick for Valentines day.” And she was like, “You are thick.” I was like, “No, I’m fat, there is a difference.” And she goes, “You are not fat. Why are you trippin?” So she turns to her sister and was like, “is she fat?” and her sister was like, ‘pull your shirt tight’ ( I wear loser shirt to work for ventilation) and then she just shook her head and was like, “You not fat, you’re just short.”

Seriously, ok, I’m not 600 lbs or anything, but I am Fat and its starting to annoy me how many folks contradict me when I say so. I know you’re like, why am I complaining…it’s more of are they just saying this to spare my feelings? I mean, I’m not delusion (regardless of what that shady *** doctor said) I know I need to lose weight. I don’t need people lying to my face all the time. Or acting like I have something physiologically wrong with me because I think I need to lose weight. I prefer honestly. I mean, they don’t have to be “Yeah, you are big as a house.” But more like, “whatever makes you happy, let me stop buying you French fries.”

WOO SAAA!!!! Ok, I had to get that out.
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:20 PM   #2
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Would it have been better had your friend & her family said "Yeah. You could stand to lose some weight."?

This is a tough thing, because everyone's between a rock & a hard place when it comes to people complaining about their weight. If someone says "I'm so fat" it's often seen as a cry for a compliment or at least a "No you're not!". I'm not saying that you say it this way, but that it's often done.

Instead of the way it did go, it could have gone like this:

And she looks me up and down, “Why are you still trying to lose weight? You lost hella weight when you were sick.” And I was like, “Yeah, but I want to be thick for Valentines day.” And she was like, “You are thick.” So I said, "Thank you." And left it at that.

I don't really bring up "being fat" so often, because it's obvious to me... and quite frankly it's obvious to others around me. Whether or not they're going to give me lip-service about "not being fat", I know I am. Just a fact.
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:25 PM   #3
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“You not fat, you’re just short.”
By the way, this is going to be my new excuse from now on!
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:29 PM   #4
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It really bugs me too. People will say ' You dont need to lose weight' or 'you'll be a stick if you lose weight' and it really bugs me because I'm clearly overweight and people being polite for the sake of it really bugs me. Why cant they something like 'Good for you' when they hear about weight loss attempt?
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:30 PM   #5
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It's a good thing that you are aware of the need to lose some weight, but maybe it's also a good thing to know that you come across as someone whose seems "above their weight"! Sometimes people only see that we're fat, and not beyond that = and that's pretty hurtful. I do understand what you mean though; on one hand, I get annoyed when people agree too quickly that I am fat, and need to lose weight (and believe me, I've heard some pretty mean stuff!). But then again, I also get annoyed when people do the opposite because then I feel like you do - "hello! are you friggin' blind?"

Like faerie said, it's a tough thing!
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:31 PM   #6
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hmmm, tough one chica. I hate it too when people tell me lies lies lies. And to me it wasn't like you were fishing for a compliment. I think your friends just love you and don't want you to be down on yourself. If it means anything to you, I support your weightloss efforts and next time I'm at micky d's I'll remember you but I will NOT buy you any fries. K.

I think my grandma puts it best. Everytime she sees me she says, "you look so good, you lost more weight I can tell. Keep up the good work!" I wish everybody could be so supportive. One guy I know told me not to lose too much weight...um...hello...I"m still a walking talking beachball buddy, I know you want to give me a compliment but how about a "damn you look good" or something instead of that.
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:32 PM   #7
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I guess two of the reasons this is an issues, is for one, I couldn’t take a compliment to save my life…seriously, I think every one is lying to me. Second, since they don’t believe I’m fat, they are always trying to feed me. On a night out, we have to hit like three restaurants and as soon as I say, I’m good, I’m full, I get a lot of flack like there is something wrong with wanting to watch what I eat. BTW: I’m the fat friend so they just don’t get it. I guess some support would be nice because it is starting to feel like they are all sabotaging me to the point where I barely go out any more. ‘Homework’ has become my excuse of choice.
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:36 PM   #8
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ummm, maybe i am old but what IS thick?

is it like "that is so bad" but it means good?

thanks for the translation.
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:40 PM   #9
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Thick is kind of a guy term, I guess...well where I'm from...generally, it's having a little meat on your bones, with big chest, slim waist, big behind and thick thighs...Examples include Jennifer Hudson and all of the 'plus size' models on Top Model.
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:42 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by caligirl98 View Post
I couldn’t take a compliment to save my life…seriously, I think every one is lying to me.
You just say "thank you" or "aw... thanks for saying that."
And smile.
Then roll your eyes when they turn away! j/k.
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:43 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by caligirl98 View Post
I guess two of the reasons this is an issues, is for one, I couldn’t take a compliment to save my life…seriously, I think every one is lying to me. Second, since they don’t believe I’m fat, they are always trying to feed me. On a night out, we have to hit like three restaurants and as soon as I say, I’m good, I’m full, I get a lot of flack like there is something wrong with wanting to watch what I eat. BTW: I’m the fat friend so they just don’t get it. I guess some support would be nice because it is starting to feel like they are all sabotaging me to the point where I barely go out any more. ‘Homework’ has become my excuse of choice.
Perhaps they are insecure themselves and your success intimidates them? Friends and family, as much as they love you, can sometimes try to sabotage without even realizing it.

I'm with Faerie, take the compliment, pass on the fries, and continue with your success!
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:45 PM   #12
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I know it's frustrating, but I'm positive they are trying to say the right thing. Just try to thank them and let it go. It really is a nice gesture, even if it's misplaced.
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:47 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by caligirl98 View Post
Thick is kind of a guy term, I guess...well where I'm from...generally, it's having a little meat on your bones, with big chest, slim waist, big behind and thick thighs...Examples include Jennifer Hudson and all of the 'plus size' models on Top Model.
as in built! or curvy!

i get it.

thanks
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:53 PM   #14
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Here's where you need a bit of self-esteem I'm sure you DO look nice, but for yourself want to lose the weight. Speaking as a former "thinnie" I would always get so uncomfortable when the "heavier" person in whatever group would discuss their weight. For some it seemed like putting a shield around themselves...a pre-emptive strike so to speak. I sooo did not care if someone was overweight, I did care if I were forced to deal with their issues about the matter. Perhaps you are setting yourself up to be rejected before you ever are, and then when people don't want to hear it and you feel them backing off, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy? Don't know, just a guess.

Give yourself a break...make a list of compliments, play that you're another person and say them out loud, then play yourself and say "Why thank you!" Repeat!

It's more than just not accepting a compliment. It's downright rude to argue with someone when they tell you how nice you look
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:53 PM   #15
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You just say "thank you" or "aw... thanks for saying that."
And smile.
Then roll your eyes when they turn away! j/k.

LOL! that would be better than my usual; roll eyes and "Whatever..."
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