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Old 05-13-2008, 06:02 PM   #1
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Unhappy I Hate Men!!!

so i guess some of you will remember me posting about going to see my boyfriend in Ohio a couple weeks ago or something like that. well he isnt my boyfriend anymore. he totally freaked himself out about me going up there. yes we are long distance and it sucks but he thinks i'm his ex. his ex did this stuff to him. they were LD too and she would promise to go see him and then back out at the last minute. I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!! i just spent 120 bucks on this corset and bra (i had the panties). so he isnt talking to me, not taking my calls and blocked me online. ive left him so messages online but i'm not sure if he is getting them or not (i think he is). anywyas i have 2 options, wait this out or just go up there and tell him where i'm staying and if he wants to see me he can but if he come i'm going to be devistated....what do i do? ive asked all my friends but they are single for a reason and most are really really young. and sorry this is soooo off topic.
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Old 05-13-2008, 06:10 PM   #2
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I have a long distance fiancé. Trusting the other person and believing them is key to keeping this working. If he isn't willing to trust you enough to come up and meet him (I'm guessing you haven't met, yet, because why else would he think you aren't coming...?), then really why bother?

Were this happening to me, I'd forget him. Why waste time on someone so immature that they block someone who has said they're visiting them? I do not understand this "blocking" and "ignoring". I never have. It's childish. Real adults work out their problems or choose to move on. Blocking someone without discussing a problem is not moving on.

He made his choice. He's already decided that he doesn't want to even talk to you. Why would you want to travel to see him or even waste anymore time trying to convince him that you'd like to? Go find someone who isn't afraid.

So I'm voting for your third option. Get the heck out of there.
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Old 05-13-2008, 06:12 PM   #3
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I have some questions first.. Have you met him before? I don't quite remember.. Also have you bought your plane ticket or are you driving.. I would say if you bought a plane ticket then go and find a hotel and use it as a vacation whether you see him or not. He might just be upset and nervous I know when I get sooo close to visiting someone that I may be interested in I get hella nervous and just say maybe I shouldn't go. So if he is insecure about you going. Then if you have the means GO. Show him you aren't like his ex. That is if you have met him before and have been dating for a while..
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Old 05-13-2008, 06:13 PM   #4
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lol i have met him. i dont do the whole e-dating. i know how wonderful he is and i know how hurt he has been in the past. he puts everything into a relationship and usually gets taken advantage off. his ex got like 9000 bucks out of him. he is just freaking himself out. but thanks for the advice.
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Old 05-13-2008, 06:18 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SephyFowl View Post
I have some questions first.. Have you met him before? I don't quite remember.. Also have you bought your plane ticket or are you driving.. I would say if you bought a plane ticket then go and find a hotel and use it as a vacation whether you see him or not. He might just be upset and nervous I know when I get sooo close to visiting someone that I may be interested in I get hella nervous and just say maybe I shouldn't go. So if he is insecure about you going. Then if you have the means GO. Show him you aren't like his ex. That is if you have met him before and have been dating for a while..
I have met him. i'm driving up there and i was just going to get a hotel for the night and let him make the next move. yeah he is freaking himself out. he is a single father and the lil girls mom passed away when she was 7 months. he is really worried about me and her getting along because we havent met yet. plus all the stuff with his ex. he doesnt want to get hurt again and to be honest i have been putting off the trip in hopes of losing more weight and didnt tell him so part of this is my fault. blah i'm going, if he comes to me then great. if he doesnt then i know i have to move on...right after i egg his house...ok ill just do that in my head but oh well.
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Old 05-13-2008, 06:19 PM   #6
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You've met him and he still thinks you aren't coming to see him? That confuses me.

I still see the blocking & ignoring as a GIANT RED FLAG. (Not to mention it's just plain rude. And that's something that I personally decided I would never allow in my relationship. If you really care about someone, you aren't rude to them.)

But, best of luck with driving up there.
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Old 05-13-2008, 06:22 PM   #7
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I feel for you. My husband and I met online 8 years ago and we did the long distance relationship before I moved up here 5 years ago. We will be celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary in August. It isn't easy. Not at all.

I do have to wonder, if you two HAVE met, what his reluctance is right now and why he wouldn't believe you would come out. I say back off, for now...the corset isn't going to "go bad" and you will, eventually, get your monies worth out of it so no worries about losing money on that. However, I'd hate to see you force your way into something that is screaming for caution right now.

No worries about being "off topic", we all need an ear (or eye as the case may be) from time to time

Take care of yourself

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Old 05-13-2008, 06:23 PM   #8
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we can make a club, today i hate man too.
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Old 05-13-2008, 06:33 PM   #9
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i read a book a couple years ago and it changed how i saw men and relationships.

its called he's just not that into you. its brilliant. sheer genius

ever since i read that i have told men where to go the minute they do something as stupid as ignore me or leave me waiting for the phone to ring.

in doing so i respected myself and my worth to others.

i now have a fiance who worhsips the ground i walk on and i do the same to him.

dont EVER settle for anything less than you would want for your best friend or sister/mum.

dont let this guy muck you around, we all have emotional baggage but we dont all chose to use it as a convenient excuse to mess the good stuff in our lives up.
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Old 05-13-2008, 06:35 PM   #10
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I also don't get it. He freaked out that you are coming, because he's afraid you won't come? I'm sorry, but that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. There is another reason he does not want you there (Sorry to be blunt, but my first guess would be a new girlfriend in the new location).

Going up there would be a huge mistake. Use your "vacation" somewhere else. Even if it's a plane ticket you should be able to trade it in for another location. The blocking your calls and such is a huge warning sign that there is something seriously wrong with this guy and the situation.

He may have told you about his previous horrendous relationship(s), but a doormat in a relationship is a voluntary doormat. He couldn't be taken advantage of without his cooperation, and neither can you. And please, don't allow yourself to be the doormat, it just is not worth it. Someone who blocks your calls and emails and breaks up with you because you want to see him does not have the character of someone you want to be with.

If he calls and wants you back, say no. He's too messed up, and you're worth better. It doesn't matter if he has good reasons for being messed up, it will be just as painful and psychologically damaging for you to be in a relationship with him. That kind of behavior is abusive, and if he gets away with it, it would only be worse later on in the relationship.
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Old 05-13-2008, 06:52 PM   #11
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YES, KAPLODS ~ I thought the exact same thing as you; THANK YOU for being so honest and forthright. When we are young, we want to believe the best of everyone. If someone throws a fit because you are coming to visit him, then he is hiding something from you. He may have a girlfriend, or he may even have a wife and family!

When I was sixteen, I met a man who did exactly that. He came to where I lived, but someone wrote me a letter explaining that he had a wife and child at home, AND that he was a foreigner, who just wanted to find someone to use, so that he could get into the country. I DUMPED HIM LIKE A HOT POTATO ... IMMEDIATELY!!!

I'm sorry honey ~ but honestly, his story is a bunch of bunk. For those of us who are much older and more experienced, we see it right away! He doesn't want you to come becuz he's hiding something from you. Don't waste your time or money on this person. There are way too many wonderful fish in the sea to waste your time on an 'EEL' like him ...

Keep looking sweetie, you will find a good fella who will respect you, adore you, and treat you right! Don't settle for anything less than that; becuz you are worth it!


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Old 05-13-2008, 07:39 PM   #12
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Listen to PrettyPaula! Also read The Rules by Ellen Fein. Both books got me my fiance'. The trick is to play it cool, be hard to get. Serious!!!
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Old 05-13-2008, 07:47 PM   #13
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I would have to agree with everyone else. You have already met him... and now he is scared you won't show up??? Makes no sense. He is definitely hiding something!! Watch out! I would try to get in contact with him so you can discuss what is going on like two grown adults. Then base your decision on that. I know if it were me, I couldn't just let it go. I would have to talk to him. Good luck...I would also say DON'T go see him unless you talk with him first. Something is definitely not right here!
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Old 05-13-2008, 08:03 PM   #14
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I would be tempted to talk to him, as well, but it would be a very bad idea. He's already proven himself unable to act as a grown adult. It would also allow him a chance to try and manipulate the situation.

I wrote my last post before I read that there was a child involved. I would strongly suspect that his daughter's mother is not dead, but living with him. This is why he panicked and blocked off all communication - he's afraid of his girlfriend or wife finding out about you.

I could be wrong, but it makes alot more sense than the garbage excuse he gave you.
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Old 05-13-2008, 08:07 PM   #15
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I have to agree with Faerie.


I was in the same situation. I moved to PA to be with a guy whom I was involved with long distance wise. He pulled the same amount of crap on me and basically I hung on...

After hanging on, he decided that he wanted to be with me and move to Texas to be with me. I got an apartment and now I'm stuck with that apartment.


Well not stuck anymore...I'm moving in with my mom now

I say get the heck out of there. If he's going to "freak out" while you guys are in a long distance relationship, what will he do when you guys are actually together??

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