OK so after calming down a lot, i finally realized what was in his head with a lil help from his BFF who is also a friend of mine. The sad part is i cant blame him. See the thing is, i'm in college. My grandparents support me financially while i'm in school. I mean literally everything, my car and everything. Well the thing is, they think just because they pay for everything, they have a right to control me. I mean yes they have every right to tell me i'm spending too much money and that i need to chill out, but my grandfather goes through my bank statements and questions everythign i buy. My car, which they bought for me when i was 16, is in my grandma's name and they told me i couldnt take it out of the state. They also dont trust me to go get the oil changed or get new tires, which pushed my trip back big time. I was going to go the beginning of this week or the end of last, but i'm still waiting on getting my tires (there is no tred on them at all and its been raining here like crazy, VERY dangerous). Anyways he flat out told me a while ago that it was like dating a 12 yr old because i basically have to ask permission for everything. I'm going to be 22 next month and i'm getting sick and tired of it myself. So now i'm at a crossroads as to what to do. ya know for someone who works so damn hard to not have drama in my life, i have a lot of it!!
Anyways he flat out told me a while ago that it was like dating a 12 yr old because i basically have to ask permission for everything. I'm going to be 22 next month and i'm getting sick and tired of it myself. So now i'm at a crossroads as to what to do.
This really doesn't change anything. If he's not willing to work within the boundaries of your current lifestyle, then he's not worth it. In a real, adult relationship, you do what you gotta do to make it work. If he's so fired up about "dating a 12 year old," then he's obviously not very understanding or patient. You don't need someone who can't accept you and your current situation. If he's not willing to work to make the relationship work, then the relationship isn't worth it.
And, back to what so many have already mentioned, no matter what his problem is, he should NEVER be so immature as to just ignore you. That solves NOTHING, and that's a clear indication of way more drama to come. So if you want less drama, ya gotta ditch the source of the drama--this guy.
i was actually more venting about my grandparents and how i'm not happy with my life and not really knowing what to do and not so much on him. what he is doing is wrong, i completely agree, but i'm done some not so nice things to him too. both of us have some growing up to do, together or not. but thanks anyways.
You seem to be in a very unfair situation all around. I can't know the whole story, but I have been there when you feel pulled back or smothered by people taking care of you, when you just want to grow. It's such a delicate situation because parents and grandparents want to do what is best and want to do everything to protect us from the world, while it is our lives...our lives their responsibility...so at times it creates conflict. I see that your grandparents are helping you through school. I know first hand how going through school with no financial help can be a HUGE struggle. But a good way to gain independence is to assess what you actually NEED to get through school and what you will need afterwards...presumably less and less. It is very hard to talk to caretakers, but a good thing is, "I love you so much, I know you only want to do what is best for me, but I really want to learn to be independent and take care of myself so that, in the future, you guys don't need to worry about me." Maybe start slowly, such as paying part of your school bills or helping with groceries and moving forward that way. The more independence you get the better you both will feel. It's not easy, but it is doable. As far as your boyfriend goes, from what you and others have posted I have to say I agree with most of the posters. We clearly do not know the entire situation and I am sure you aren't perfect (none of us are), but from an outsiders perspective he just does not seem worth it. Any man or woman who makes his or her partner say "I hate men" or "I hate women" is not worth it. There are wonderful fabulous men out there...men who deserve you. I agree that blocking and ignoring is not indicative of a healthy relationship...taking a break during an argument is fine so long as BOTH parties agree and BOTH parties arrange specifically when they are going to discuss things. Also, I have to ask, does he speak negatively about the mother of his children in front of his children? This is also a warning sign, no matter what has happened between parents, the children will ALWAYS feel like a part of both parents and bringing children into grown up drama is very alienating for them. There is no way that you can every REALLY know what happens between two people. I know that breaking up is BRUTAL, and that in relationships there is an element of working on things, but working on things is things such as schedules, beliefs about how money should be spent, family of origin differences, BUT "working on things" does not mean working on the mutual love and respect that you have for one another. It is the mutual love and respect you have at the depths of your relationship that help you get through challenging situations...but that love and respect should be solid! I hope for you that you situation improves in your eyes!
Good luck!
he is great really. if he wasnt then i wouldnt be so hurt. the thing with him is he has been on his own for a really long time. he is raising his daughter on his own so he just doesnt really understand how my grandparents can be so controling/protective because he has never had that. he really is a awesome person, and i know that he loves me. Its just a mix of the long distance and then me never knowing if/when i can go see him because of my grandparents and then my grandparents havent met him. Its just a tough situation all together but i know he will calm down and talk to me. he just needs his space right now. he may not be doing it the right way and its because we dont always understand where the other person is coming from. it really isnt as bad as it seems. i dunno whatever is ment to be will be and i'm ok with that. if i'm with him then great, if i'm not thats ok too.
he doesnt speak negatively about her mother. her mom passed away when she was 7 months old.
Last edited by brat_61886; 05-16-2008 at 07:33 PM.
I saw this thread last week and didn't quite know what to say - but I'm nervous for you and your situation.
I believe myself to be a strong, independant woman, and regardless of that I've fallen into the abuses of men in the past without even realizing it. Men that I gave my heart to and in turn had it dangled in front of my eyes just to taunt me. The situation you're going through is a classic that I can relate to so I'll say this:
True love is not a soap opera.
You deserve a man that would do anything for you. Just as every man deserves in a woman. Don't change who you are and how you feel about yourself and your actions just because of someone who has some serious issues to work out himself.
As for the grandparents, they are the ones that truely love you! They will be there no matter what. So even if it's stifling at the moment, know that when you're graduated, onto your own career and making something out of your life, they were always a solid support. Don't apologize for it, just take advantage of the fact that you were given a lead into life and focus on excelling in every other aspect of your life.
Dump the extra baggage. Focus on yourself. Focus on being happy. In turn, your positive energy will bring everything you want in life to you.
btw, in addition to the other books mentioned, I'd also suggest The Secret. Wonderfully uplifting book. It's a great way to look at life.
