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When someone hits on you

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Old 04-18-2008, 01:43 PM   #1
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mmmkay, I work for a bank. I'm 23 and I do not flirt under any circumstances because I have a man. Today this 19 year old boy tells me keep my number and smiles. He is fine, I can't lie, but I'm 23, have a boyfriend and suddenly as he smiled at me I felt very self conscious. Sometimes when very good looking people hit on me I feel weird because although I feel I have a pretty face, I think my body is a mess.

Anyone else feel weird getting hit on?
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Old 04-18-2008, 02:24 PM   #2
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Yeah, whenever someone compliments me I just smile and keep on walking. I know this may sound horrible, but it's been hard for me to adjust to taking compliments from people. You hear one thing for over 20 years and then all of sudden you hear another, it's just kinda weird. Don't get me wrong, I'm confident in myself as a person and it's nice to hear that people are noticing all the hard work...but it's still something that's going to take a little bit of getting used to. I'm sure you're vey beautiful though Michelina, and I'm sure you deserve whatever compliments you receive!
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Old 04-18-2008, 02:26 PM   #3
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yep definitely. I ran into Linen N Things a couple of days ago to get a food scale and got hit on by a worker there when I had to ask him to show me where they were. He was nice but I'm married and didn't even realize he was flirting with me until I got home with my purchase lol. I just hope he didn't think I was rude since it just does not occur to me that someone could possibly be flirting with me espeically since my hair was a mess and I had no makeup on and wasn't really dressed to the nines either.
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Old 04-18-2008, 03:05 PM   #4
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This is going to evidence exactly how little self-confidence i hae, but here goes. When i get hit on randomly, like not by guys i know, i assume that they hit on every woman they meet. I'm not particularly pretty. I have a large chest, but overall not a great body. I don't wear make up, or put all that much effort into my appearance overall. there's nothing striking about me that would cause a guy to go out of their way to hit on me if they don't just do so to every female they see. I'm really intellingent, motivated, and going places in life, but that's not something they see when i'm walking down the street, so i don't get why they do it.
Today, I left CVS and was walking back to work. I passed a Rita's (italian ices and custards and shakes and stuff), on the corner, and there were three guys standing outside of it. Two of them came up to me and said things like "hey beautiful, can i buy you an ice cream or something?"....i don't get it. I don't mean to sound self-depricating, just being honest, I don't understand and assume they must say things like that to any female in their 20s, 30s, or 40s who isn't like, absolutely frightening to look at.
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Old 04-18-2008, 03:12 PM   #5
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Yeah i do feel weird. first of all because i'm married aND SECOUND OF ALL BECAUSE IM ON THE CHUNCKY SIDE! sometimes i feel that they just hit on you becase they think hey her self esteem is low i bet ya she has not had any in a long time. so they think were simple prey
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Old 04-18-2008, 03:19 PM   #6
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Take a Hint from Children:

Have you ever noticed a very young child when he or she gets a compliment? They not only say 'thank you' they also tell what else they can do. There is a lesson to be learned there.


When I get hit on I automatically assume they are making fun of me or that it's a big joke their friends put them up to. I hate being complimented, I always get very self concious instead of graciously accepting the compliment.

And if I get hit on at the bar, I assume the same as nutrition junkie that they hit on every woman they meet.

p.s. nutrition junkie, you're gorgeous. you're very exotic looking, and you're smile is very inviting.

I found the following in an article about accepting compliments:


As adults, we are so often critical of ourselves that we are thrown off-balance when someone gives us a compliment. Life should not be about perfection, it should be about doing the best you can be at any given moment. And when someone recognizes that in you, accept it graciously.

How many times has someone given you a compliment and instead of just taking it and saying 'thank you' the way you did as a child, you instead say "well, I could have done better." Or "oh really?, I only wore this because I had nothing else to wear."; "I'm not really smart, I just got lucky!" You get the picture. The worst response may be, "Oh it was easy, anyone could have done it." This kind of negative response makes you appear to be less than you really are and puts the person who gave you the compliment in the position of defending his assessment of you or questioning his own judgment.

Someone says to you "your hair looks great!" Your response is "I hate my hair like this, it looks like I cut it wearing a bowl." This says to the other person, You have no taste, or if you do it's incredibly bad. Now both of you are embarrassed because you can't take a compliment.
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Old 04-18-2008, 03:28 PM   #7
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I am like a couple others here... when (if) I get hit on I think it's all a big joke and they're just seeing how I'll react so they can laugh about me later.

I rarely dated during highschool... although I think I have an attractive face (and huge boobs) I think my size (width AND height) ruined my chances in highschool. My freshman year in highschool I went to a date dance at an all-=boys school with an old friend... another guy at the school asked me to dance and my guy friend told him no. I wondered why, and then I saw that other guy go back to a group of all his buddies and laugh and hoot and give high fives and point at me. My guy friend says, "That guy's a jerk. His friends put him up to it. I saw it coming."

Yeahhhhh... so that's kinda always been how my life has gone since then. I can accept a compliment... but flirting? I think he's either playing a joke on me and making fun of me, or else he's just a general perv.

The ONLY time I ever graciously accepted flirtations (and the only time I really think I was ever truly the subject of them) was when I met my hubby 6 years ago in a country bar. And why was I accepting of it then? I had just lost almost 40 pounds and was in a size 14 and was looking HOT in a short black sexy skirt and I FELT sexy.

Being obese... it's hard to feel sexy about YOURSELF... let alone convince yourself that a perfect stranger finds you sexy as well. Ya know?

One of the things I post on here alot is that, although I'm married now, I want to get down to a nice sexy weight and go out, hit the clubs, dress all sexy, and just enjoy being LOOKED at and APPRECIATED for my looks and for being a woman. I never got to do that b/c my size ruined my college years... the time I SHOULD have been out having fun and soaking up attention from men. I won't cheat- I dont' want an affair. I just want to be complimented and looked at "that way"
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Old 04-18-2008, 03:53 PM   #8
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Wow, all this talk of "when I get hit on" or "when a guy hits on me" or whatever...you should all take the compliments. I have NEVER been hit on in person in my entire life. Never. How's THAT for making someone feel unattractive? Thank god for the internet or I never would have gotten a boyfriend. Guys are much more willing to talk to me sight unseen.

*sigh* The grass is always greener...
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Old 04-18-2008, 04:05 PM   #9
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I know you you guys feel, I've been there. I felt like that when I was thin though. I'm a very shy person, was always the nerd in school...I remember in high school someone put a note in my locker...it didn't even register first of all that it was meant for me, so I stuck it in my backpack with the intention to see who it was meant for later...anyway, fast forward a week or two, I finally saw it in the bottom of my bag and opened it up, it was a 'secret admirer' type note....and I then assumed it WAS meant for me, but as a cruel joke. Of course as the note wanted me to meet the 'admirer' long before I ever read it, I never really had the chance to see if it was actually real or not, though I'm not really sure what I would have done if I had the opportunity to try and meet the 'admirer'. In college I shed the nerd reputation and lost some of my shyness and did actually manage to date guys and not assume any attention was a joke. Wish I could really tell you how that all came about, I don't really remember as there was just so much change in my life at the time. Maybe not being known as the shy nerdy girl was enough to make me feel comfortable living as if the label didn't apply to me. I don't know. Even at my heaviest (I started gaining weight after college) I generally took compliments at face value. I guess I was just less insecure than I was in high school for whatever reason, although even now I wouldn't say I'm a terribly confident person. Basically, I don't even understand myself and theres not really a moral to the story here. lol.
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Old 04-18-2008, 04:08 PM   #10
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Hahaha. The only times I've been hit on are under completely bizarre circumstances.

My favorite one is when the cashier at the grocery store asked me if my little brother was my son. (There's more to it, but that's the funny bit)

I just try to keep polite conversation and ignore being hit on. I'm not going to get their hopes up () but I'm not going to be rude, either.
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Old 04-18-2008, 04:38 PM   #11
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I can say I've felt the same way. At time it feels like my attitude more than my size is holding me back from dating.

I can usually act flirty and confient for the first 10 min or so but once it moves from casual to a semi-serious conversation or he offers to buy me a drink I compleatly cramp up and act anxious. I can't make it to that second step without shooting myself in the foot. I hate to say it but I act like a fat girl (after the first 10 min) will hang on the guy, be TOO flirty and in some odd way try to overcompensate for the extra 50 pounds I'm carrying around. It's something I've been trying to work on, because I want to get better at dating.
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Old 04-18-2008, 04:49 PM   #12
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I blush and giggle. Yeah, I'm a tard.
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Old 04-18-2008, 05:47 PM   #13
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It depends on who's doing the flirting. For me, it seems that the majority of guys who flirt with me are low life's or are drunk. It's hard to take either seriously.

If a hot guy is flirting with me, but is drunk, I just chalk it up to "beer goggles" and I tend to get annoyed with him. I think to myself "Oh, I'm only good looking when you're DRUNK??"

If a sober good-looking guy flirts with me....well, then I just get flustered and shy, and have no idea what to do. So, I am a tard, too.

It's no wonder I'm single.
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Old 04-18-2008, 06:04 PM   #14
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Wow.. I thought I was the only one out there who didn't know how to take compliments! This may sound bad but I'm "glad" that I'm not the only one. As long as I can remember, I had problem taking compliments well. I just don't know what to say or what to do or how to respond..The article raiatheplaya posted does give me some idea... I always thought guys are either making fun of me, being sarcastic, or something like that. Never really thought I looked good or pretty or anything...Probably because I was always big through my whole life... Now that I'm trying to change my life style, I guess I have to practice that, too...along with being more confident with myself... =)
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Old 04-18-2008, 06:06 PM   #15
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I've only been actually hit on once that I can remember...

And it was by the guy working at the Burger King drive thru....

First of all... fat girl hit on at the fast food drive thru = hilarious. Second of all, I was SO confused. I didn't know what to think. I honestly looked at my passenger seat, before I realized I was the only person in the car... gee that screams confidence doesn't it!

Maybe he was just trying to make sure I kept coming back as a repeat customer!
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