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Old 04-17-2008, 05:44 PM   #1
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Question Chubby Chasers

Has anyone had any experiences with men that like "thick" or bigger women? I can't lie to myself, I have big thighs and larger, but muscular calves. My mom is always telling me to wear shirts and dresses in the summer instead of capris. Not only do I feel self conscious but I don't understand how guys may think it's cute. I'm in a relationship so I'm not concerned about the opinions of other men right now, but I just wanted to talk.

My mom swears men love legs like mine, but I'm ashamed. When I am approached by men saying my body is just right, it makes me feel weird. I don't know if I should just take my compliment and be quiet or what? I don't like being hit on period though, so maybe I'm just weird. I can't help but feel insulted.

I guess my problem is two things...the first is that usually these men that love my body are not guys I'm into at all.

Secondly, I worry that I'm only be approached because of my size, not because of me. I mean I don't want someone to just be into me because they like big women ya know?

Any opinions??
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Old 04-17-2008, 05:55 PM   #2
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Take the compliments and feel good about it. know that you are attractive! and they guys prolly are only coming up to you because of that initial attraction, but think about it the initial attraction is usually how you meet someone in the first place.
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Old 04-17-2008, 05:58 PM   #3
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good point i will need to think about that next time!
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Old 04-17-2008, 06:00 PM   #4
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Everyone has different tastes - you may find someone attractive that your friend thinks is very UNattractive. Dark hair, blonde, tall, short etc - weight is no different - IMHO.
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Old 04-17-2008, 06:02 PM   #5
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I love being complimented, but not about things I'm not a huge fan of. Honestly, it creeps me out a little bit if that's the reason someone is attracted to me. And, somewhere in my mind I think "But I'm not going to be like this forever!"
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Old 04-17-2008, 06:05 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoyLaBelleza View Post
I love being complimented, but not about things I'm not a huge fan of. Honestly, it creeps me out a little bit if that's the reason someone is attracted to me. And, somewhere in my mind I think "But I'm not going to be like this forever!"
AHAHA You are so funny!!! I feel exactly the same...like fine, but I don't plan on looking like this for the rest of my life,okay? I feel more normal now!!
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Old 04-17-2008, 06:39 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Michelinacc1 View Post
When I am approached by men saying my body is just right, it makes me feel weird. ... I guess my problem is two things...the first is that usually these men that love my body are not guys I'm into at all.

Secondly, I worry that I'm only be approached because of my size, not because of me.
OK, my 2cents: On the first thing, I can totally relate. I used to feel creeped out by guys that were attracted to me, and think there was something wrong with them. Yeah, that sounds healthy. I wasn't attracted to me, so I couldn't accept someone else being. I'm working on that.

On the second, that is the cry of the female heart - whether pudgy or skinny most women want to be found attractive for who they are, not what they look like. I imagine there are stick-figure girls with huge boobs that feel exactly the same way.
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Old 04-17-2008, 07:06 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoyLaBelleza View Post
I love being complimented, but not about things I'm not a huge fan of.
haha I totally agree! If someone appreciates and focuses on something you are self-concious and want to change about yourself, it definetly pushes me away.
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Old 04-17-2008, 07:20 PM   #9
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i feel so normal having joined this group, thank you ladies
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Old 04-17-2008, 07:34 PM   #10
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I know exactly what you're talking about michelanacc1! i used to think that there was no way guys could like me. but a lot do--they like how i look. which i find very weird. i mean, i have no idea if its a compliment or what. LOL. But, hey I guess I'll take it as a compliment
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Old 04-17-2008, 07:46 PM   #11
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can you tell me where these guys are? seriously. no guys find me attractive...ever. haha.
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Old 04-17-2008, 08:15 PM   #12
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Aw, I think you're beautiful!
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Old 04-17-2008, 08:29 PM   #13
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When you date guys who prefer fat chicks, you find that there is the same mix of personalities (nerds, jerks, perverts, and nice guys) and even levels of physical fitness and attractiveness than for guys who prefer the bleached blonde beach bimbo bodies (say that five times fast).

I've been fat most of my life, so the risk of having a guy leave me because I lost weight was a lot slimmer (no pun intended) than the risk of him leaving because I gained weight. So I have dates some guys who prefer bigger gals. I found that most of these guys have a pretty wide set of preference (say a 50 to 100 lb weight range or even more) than did guys with "normal" preferences. So really, who has the fetish?

Still, I definitely wanted a guy who had very flexible standards in that area. So how do you find them? You have to actively hunt for them (they hide under rocks, I'm convinced). I put an ad in our local newspaper (and their online site) personals. Replies went to a voicemail system. In the ad, I described myself not just personality wise (saying how great I was) but also my physical stats, and stated I was trying to lose weight and was looking for someone who was in the same situation or sympathetic to it. I also put a 3/4 length photo on the website.

Through the ad, I received alot of replies from a wide range of guys, including my husband. He's a big guy himself, but I found him very attractive, in a biker-viking sort of way (he had and still has long auburn hair). Apparently a lot of skinny girls do too (especially asian girls for some reason). At least the asian girls are polite. Once an asian waitress, asked him (the hope in her voice was obvious) if I was his sister, and she was obviously disappointed when he corrected her. The skinny b(well never mind) though will come on to him while we're together, obviously thinking that he's going to instantly dump the fat girlfriend (now wife) for them.

My husband has dated, and is attracted to women of all sizes. I've seen photos of some of the other women he's dated, and they've all had very beautiful faces (I hope that says something about me) but the bodies have ranged from "hot" to, well, me. I'm definitely the biggest, though his girlfriend before me was over 200 lbs.

He's been supportive of my weight loss efforts, but promises that I don't have to lose weight for him to be happy, and early on made it clear that he wasn't interested in weight loss for himself. However, he's since become disabled due primarily to a degenerative joint condition (inherited, not caused, but aggravated by his weight), and been been diagnosed type II diabetic, so we're now losing weight together.

I obviously don't regret not waiting until I was at my ideal body weight to date, and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else. There are so many things that fat can prevent me from doing (like running up a flight of stairs), that I've vowed to not let it prevent me from doing anything I can do (like swim, bicycle...) even if I'm afraid. I don't believe in postponing life for anything.
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Last edited by kaplods : 04-17-2008 at 08:31 PM.
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Old 04-17-2008, 08:41 PM   #14
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I'm not saying anything against guys who like bigger women... I know we all have our preferences. But, for me, I really do not like being fat and I don't feel comfortable if someone likes something I dislike so much about myself!
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Old 04-17-2008, 09:38 PM   #15
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i think i agree with the others in saying that no matter what size the woman, the hangups are still there. even when you get skinny, you are going to find things that you don't like about yourself!

i was watching this trainer talk [on run's house], and she said that the first step is to love yourself! it's a matter of "***, i love you, but you gotta go"... i'm sure that you more attractive than you are giving yourself credit for!
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