Yeah I agree with most people that not telling people is a wise idea.
A couple of my friends make comments like when they offer me a chocolate brownie and I say "can I have half of one" and she's like "OMG you never eat!"
Erm, yes I do eat, I eat 3 meals a day and I never snack, I'm only having half of this damn brownie to shut you up! Seriously it gets on my nerves.
My other friend keeps asking me "what have you eaten today?" I'll tell her and she'll be like "oh, that's not much, do you want to order a pizza/go out for a meal?" I eat 1500 calories a day, that's plenty!
My skinny friend made a comment saying I'm getting really slim and said "it's not fair." I just laughed it off and told her that "I'm a size 14, that's not very slim! You're skinny anyways" and then she said "yeah but you're catching up with me." That kind of shocked me because I now realise she saw me as one of her "fat friends" and I was quite hurt. So I can lose weight and get slim as long as I don't get as slim as you??
Excuse my rant there!
My point was, there will always be people that will want you to fail, consciously or unconsciously. Learning that the hard way like everyone else has led me to be quite secretive about my "diet" and exercise and you just have to keep a level head and do it for yourself. You're the one that matters, who cares what other people think.
Yeah, I get that feeling, which is why, this time, I haven't mentioned the word "diet" to anyone at all outside this forum (better to think of it as a life change for the better, anway). I told my mom that I stopped drinking non-diet soda and sugary juices but did not say I did it to lose weight (I said it was to deal with issues with inflammation, which is also partly true). When I go out to eat, I make better food choices than I did before, no matter how hard it seems. I have to refuse a lot of snack offers, too.
So, what I had to do to save myself because I couldn't take it anymore is tell them that I've decided to stop dieting and have decided to just concentrate on eating healthy because it gives me more energy and I feel better. It was almost like I was using magic words by denying the fact I was dieting - there's something about that word "diet" that gets people's attention.
I couldn't agree more. I don't know what it is but if I say I'm going on a diet then everyone from my coworkers to my mom feel the need to give me their input whether it's trying to discourage me from what I'm trying to do or give me advice(usually crappy). I like doing what works for me and I don't like explaining or defending myself to anyone. But yes I have also found that as long as I just tell everyone I'm trying to eat healthier rather than going on a diet I'm pretty much left to do as I please.
I can smell resentment from some women after having lost quite a bit of weight, as I'm now competition. So I don't talk to women around me about dieting, just being more healthy. Men have been more understanding to me. Everyone can see the results for themselves when I'm done with my dieting by the summer, no need to prewarn!
My best friend did it to me. She's lost around 50kg and looks fantastic. But when I came home from sport crying that I couldn't play right and I really need to keep on this weight loss, not even ten minutes afterwords she comes in and asks if I want pizza!
My skinny friend made a comment saying I'm getting really slim and said "it's not fair." I just laughed it off and told her that "I'm a size 14, that's not very slim! You're skinny anyways" and then she said "yeah but you're catching up with me." That kind of shocked me because I now realise she saw me as one of her "fat friends" and I was quite hurt. So I can lose weight and get slim as long as I don't get as slim as you??
I got that same response from my sister; she wanted to start following the same plan as me to keep me from "catching up." Given that in her opinion she was superior to me in all ways because she was smaller than me, it just made me mad.
(And really, what's "not fair" about it? It's not as if there's no determination, effort, and willpower involved.)
Incidentally, I'm now about 30 - 40 lbs lighter than her, and she generally just avoids the topic completely.
My other friend keeps asking me "what have you eaten today?" I'll tell her and she'll be like "oh, that's not much, do you want to order a pizza/go out for a meal?" I eat 1500 calories a day, that's plenty!
Why do people feel it's their place to say whether they think what we're eating is enough? What do they know about the program we're on? I spend a lot of time making sure I have well-balanced meals that are also right on for my calories. I may mess up my breakfasts by not eating but I'm human and I'm trying. The rest of my meals are always right on and I don't think it's anyone's place to judge me when all I'm doing is trying to make myself healthy.
I have said many times on this board that I work for a very health conscious company. They run, bike, go to the gym, and play racketball on their lunch breaks. I eat. No time to get sweaty on MY lunch break because I actually keep mine to an hour. Whatever. Off topic.
So, one day the group of thin (some extremely thin), in shape ladies were on their way out of the office to go running. My equally in shape coworker sitting at the front desk had seen what I was eating for lunch...which that day happened to be a salad - my perfectly measured out cheese, chicken, romaine lettuce, dressing, slices of bread, and butter....and decided to point out to them what I was eating because she thought it was too little. They all started laughing and making fun of me. I just smiled and tried to have a good attitude about it but I thought it was rude. Here they are, perfectly in shape (Not just at their right weights but toned too!!!) and they're teasing me about my efforts to lose weight and get in shape?
I don't tease them for running! I don't know...kind of hurt my feelings I guess. A little discouraging....
Last edited by Florida Native; 02-26-2008 at 08:24 AM.
Reason: extra word
I got that same response from my sister; she wanted to start following the same plan as me to keep me from "catching up." Given that in her opinion she was superior to me in all ways because she was smaller than me, it just made me mad.
(And really, what's "not fair" about it? It's not as if there's no determination, effort, and willpower involved.)
Incidentally, I'm now about 30 - 40 lbs lighter than her, and she generally just avoids the topic completely.
It really, really sucks that sometimes people you really like or love (and I do love my friend, she's one of my housemates and I adore her) cannot just be supportive without making it into some kind of competition. It's sad, actually.
Yeah and Florida Native, I so hear what you're saying about how when people make fun of what you eat it is hurtful. You think that people would just let you get on with it at least.
This is all very true. I was so sad that everyone seemed to want me to fail at this that I typed it into google and found this forum. It makes me feel glad that I am not alone in feeling like people want me to fail. I have failed several times and I think that you have it right, Faerie when you say to limit who you tell to only the people who you know will be supportive of you! That has helped me with this attempt. In addition to people trying to sabotage my efforts I also think there are people who are just waiting in the clutches to watch me fail. Like they would be happy if I spend the rest of my life unhealthy and unhappy. Then I wonder why I keep these people in my life and I realize that some people are just going to have to go along with the fat on top of my abs! LOL. Reading all your posts is helping to keep me motivated! Thanks so much
friends can definitely sabatoge unintentionally, too. even without mentioning the evil d-word (diet), i still raise eyebrows if we're out for a ladies' night dinner and everyone else is getting burgers while i order a salad.
Oh I'm right there with all of you. My sister is currently at about my goal weight and she thinks she's too big. Her and I have similar builds. I think 160 may be a little heavy for me but I will re evaluate when I get there. But my sister is SO supportive of me. My whole family is. Even my sister's boyfriend, he mentioned to my Mom that he's really glad I'm doing this for myself and mentioned how pretty I am (awww). On the other hand, my best friend is thin and basically it's obvious that she doesn't want me thin. She's always been the "skinny" friend and I've always been the "pretty" friend. She is kind of homely in the face (now I sounds like a huge jerk). But I think she is afraid I'll be pretty AND skinny and she doesn't want that. That's the one thing she has that is better than me. My job is better, my family is better, my car... yada yada. She is skinny so she has that one up on me. When we go out to eat I order stuff off the WW menu (even though I'm not on WW) and then she orders a big greasy bacon cheeseburger with fries and a cheese dip appetizer. I'm like, okay, I'll sit here with my teriyaki shrimp kabobs, rice and broccoli. It's like she rubbing it in my face.
It makes me really sad to remember that I used to do some of that to my friends. It wasn't that I wanted them to fail - more it was that our friendship was built around shared love of food, and I still wanted to go "be bad" and have pizza and they didn't. And to some extent (given that I was big too) I may not have wanted them to get skinny and dump me as a friend because I was fat (which has actually happened to me).
Now that I'm the one on the weightloss journey, I can see signs in a couple of my friends that they kinda want me to fail - probably for some of the same reasons above, and others. One friend in particular I know really wants me to succeed, but she's struggling with her own diet right now, and I think my success hurts her, so when she gets sabotagie I just try to be more supportive of her. Luckily for me, I have a broad range of friends, several of whom have lost weight in the last year. Well, that and I plan to move next year, so I've been restructuring the friendships anyway. I love my friends, but I've learned the hard way the value of emotional independence.
Still, it sucks, and it makes it harder. 'Cause after all, this needed to be harder, right? (sarcasm intended)
Wow, I have read through all theses posts so far and, it's CRAZY, isn't it.
I like the person that said, 'I just had one' ha! I have to use that at work more.
I know my friend is trying to lose weight, and I am jelous, I can admit it. But I haven't and won't try to feed her anything bad--because I know how it feels.
I haven't told my partner I am restricting when he isn't around. I know this sounds dishonest of me but he lives about 4 hours away from me and when we do see each other I just feel so comfortable with myself that nothing is off the menu, so it's what I call 'treat time'. He is a member of a high-up-in-the-league running club and does about 15 miles a week on average, and then he does weights, tennis, table tennis... so he is definately health conscious. Maybe I will tell him someday; in all other areas of my life he is very supportive. For now, though, I have successfully avoided some of the grief the rest of you are describing and I attribute this to being discreet around my man!
xXx
This is all very true. I was so sad that everyone seemed to want me to fail at this that I typed it into google and found this forum. It makes me feel glad that I am not alone in feeling like people want me to fail. I have failed several times and I think that you have it right, Faerie when you say to limit who you tell to only the people who you know will be supportive of you! That has helped me with this attempt. In addition to people trying to sabotage my efforts I also think there are people who are just waiting in the clutches to watch me fail. Like they would be happy if I spend the rest of my life unhealthy and unhappy. Then I wonder why I keep these people in my life and I realize that some people are just going to have to go along with the fat on top of my abs! LOL. Reading all your posts is helping to keep me motivated! Thanks so much
Hope to see you posting around more I agree, some negative people must be "lost" just like our weight.
I agree, some negative people must be "lost" just like our weight.
