For all you women out there who know what it's like when you realize your husband doesn't find you attractive anymore because of your weight..........I will need your help....seriously......
My husband told me this last week and I was seriously down for days and very pissed at him too btw!
But I am going to get this weight off!
And I have come to realize that I will not be doing this for him BUT for me!
Yes.....this is my motivation ......to get in shape for me and yes I must say for my husband to find me attractive again......
Is there anyone who is going through the same?
I would love to know I am not the only one that has been told by their spouse that they are fat!
Last edited by Shoocraze; 06-23-2007 at 12:22 PM.
Reason: Bold heading
Oh honey, bless your heart. I know that must have really hurt your feelings. My DH has only come out and said that once in the heat of an argument. I had thrown a couple of insults, too. However, I can tell a definite difference in the way he treats me now in comparison to when I was smaller.
He used to tell me how great I looked and how people couldn't believe I was his wife. I fluctuate between feeling sorry for him and angry about it.
I have even begun to realize that when I think about getting thin again I even have a feeling of rebellion like "darn him, I won't do it just because it would be what he wants and it shouldn't matter so much to him."
Fortunately, after I acknowledged those feelings I was able to see how irrational they were and I think I'm past that.
I have just recently joined here to benefit from the support of people who are as emotionally wrung out about their weight as I am.
I'm sure your DH feels bad about what he said as mine did. When I get so upset about my DH feeling that way I remind myself "why shouldn't it bother him, it bothers me, too." That's how I got to a point of wanting to lose it for me and my own happiness and his attention will just be a bonus.
By the way, in my DH defense, he is very devoted to me and when I expressed my beliefs to my sister she said, "good grief, the man is crazy about you, eveyone can see that." So I think sometimes we let our own feelings about ourselves color our opinion of what others may think.
I understand what you mean....I felt the same at first....as if why should I do this for him....and I have felt sorry and angry at the same time....
And no if you just look at numbers I am tech. not overweight but I have gained 30 pounds in five years....so maybe in his eyes I am not what he married?
And yes I have people say that he is crazy about me but he won't have sex with me at this point because he 'doesn't find me physically attractive' his words....and no I dont know if he feels bad about what he has said....but I will not crack...I have decided to get into better shape for me......
and thank you for your insite! I really appreciate it....I actually felt alone about what's happening
None of us remain looking the way we did at 20. We will get gray hair , we wil get wrinkles, we may need glasses or a hearing aid and many of us will gain weight , including men. Too bad the people we love won't love us as the inevitable happens.We can improve ourselves as much as possible, but time will take its toll.
I think there are many changes that occur with us when we put on weight. I, like you, went through a period of depression and that's when I put on most of the weight. The depression has been stablized for a couple of years now and I've actually lost about 20 lbs in small increments and not regained it. I just dreaded the commitment that is required to make the big push. Its especially tough when you're an emotional eater.
Maybe its the other changes in us that effects our relationship with our spouse and not just the weight. I'm sorry that your situation has gotten so bad but I don't think it will benefit you for us to point out his faults. You know he's got them and its really unfair for him to feel this way about you. But the fact is that he apparently does. Now you just have to do as you are and focus on yourself and I bet he will see other changes in you, like self confidence, even before the weight loss is that noticable.
I agree with bargoo about this. First, you aren't even overweight! You are still at a healthy weight for your height. I can't imagine getting comments like that from anyone (let alone my husband) if I were in a normal weight range.
My husband met me when I was obese. I lost 80 pounds FOR ME. He has said that he was only more attracted to me because I was more confident and not upset about my weight a lot. I ended up gaining a lot of that weight back and guess what? He was only helpful and supportive. I got back to eating healthy again and am losing, but again FOR ME and certainly with no comments from him about it, except the "you seem so unhappy lately" comment (which was, for me, because of my weight).
Seriously, if my husband said to me what yours said to you, I'd pack my bags and leave. That doesn't sound understanding or supportive at all, in fact it sounds mean and insensitive. Have you sat him down and told him how you feel when he says things like that?
I will give you kudos for wanting to lose the weight for you, though!
Bargoo, you are so right. I really don't belong in the 20 somethings group I just saw her post under "new posts". I'm actually 48. Boy, do I regret not relaxing and enjoying those youthful years! I was quite thin until I hit about 38 but still thought I was too fat. I had no where near the contentment and self-confidence that I have now even with 50 extra pounds, a wrinkle or two, and probably some gray hair (my beautician helps me stay in denial about that).
I have to agree with modkittn...I'd pack my bags and leave. He seriously won't have sex with you because you weigh 150 pounds at 5'7" ???? BTW your BMI is NOT 125.6, its about 23 or 24 which is NORMAL for your height.
I have never in my adult life (since 18) been thin, and I had a pretty active dating life until I settled down. Maybe I was fortunate to find men who liked me for ME not my weight, so it's hard for me to even comprehend being with a man who would say that to me. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but if you already feel bad enough about your weight gain, he is NOT helping you!!!
Just my two cents.
Cris (not in my 20's either but saw this under "new posts"!)
Just wanted to mention that the BMI of 125 that you have listed is totally inaccurate. I'm also 5'7 and weigh in 140's. My BMI is 22. Which is totally "normal".
Also, when I was in my early 20's, I got up to 151 lbs. My then-fiancee told me he was not physically attracted to me anymore. I'm thankful everyday now that we split up and I didn't have to live with a lifetime of scrutiny over my weight. His new wife was tiny when he married her and gained lots of weight. I bet that 151 lbs. would look Damn good to him right now. LOL.
I understand what you mean....I felt the same at first....as if why should I do this for him....and I have felt sorry and angry at the same time....
And no if you just look at numbers I am tech. not overweight but I have gained 30 pounds in five years....so maybe in his eyes I am not what he married?
And yes I have people say that he is crazy about me but he won't have sex with me at this point because he 'doesn't find me physically attractive' his words....and no I dont know if he feels bad about what he has said....but I will not crack...I have decided to get into better shape for me......
and thank you for your insite! I really appreciate it....I actually felt alone about what's happening
be sure to stop having sex with him when his hairline recedes and hair starts growing out of his ears....
I have thought about that.....getting to a point where I feel confident again...weight or not and then not having sex with him....lmao
Wanna hear the funny thing? He's 25 overweight and his doctor at the mayo clinic told him that he needed to lose weight.....he is also older than me...so yes...his age has shown...and he jokes about how HE needs a bra for his boobs...and he's actually right.......
Trust me....I thought about packing my stuff and leaving and I did sit down with him and he gave me this lame story about how his mother and her friends were "thick" and he just never liked Thick women!
Hmmmmeven though he is "thick" lol
You all have made me feel soo much better though! Thanks sooo much!
And I hope you ladies are right about my BMI but I started with a personal trainer today and that's what he said it was???????? Maybe he could be wrong?
Ladies! Have to lose to get him back?
