ok . . . i just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years, ( i've known him since 3rd grade) turns out he has a lying problem. . . i dont know if i made a mistake . i feel horrible i dont know what to do with myself. i feel like throwing up. i need advice . lots of it. .. .
Stay strong sis....Do you feel like a weight has been lifted? Like maybe now you don't have to worry about what he's lying about? Focus on the good of letting him go. That and GO OUT! Hit the bars with friends (I'm not advocating alcoholism as way to cope either!) but go out and have a good time. It's always quite rare that you get to do that in a relationship. Watch the movies only YOU like, paint your toes on the kitchen floor...etc.
We are here for you...but you can and will get through it....
It will get better, promise It feels the worst now, but the other gals are right, do all kinds of "YOU" stuff, you'll realize how much you missed it. Plus, when someone is a liar, you don't know when you can trust them, thats gotta lead to jealousy, anxiousness, and all kinds of other negative stuff in a relationship.
so this is where it gets tough. he lied to spare my feelings. . . but hes lied before not good ones. he keeps telling me he's learned from his mistakes ,that things will be right. i feel stupid i keep considering what hes saying .now my options are: leave and never really know if i should have. stay and possibly regret it and when i do leave it will hurt more. date him, but date others too. . . i dont know . im in a band. . . he's my guitarist , im going to have to see him every weekend. and as much as i cant look at him right now . my band is the most important thing to me. and the drama part is i found out he was lying from his sister she called me and started telling all the things hes doing to me. i talked to him and he denies everything except that he did lie , "but because i didn't want to hurt your feelings" i dont know who to believe. i hate relationships. im so tired. my stomach hurts . i haven't been hungry in two days. ::sigh:: im am still so lost. thank you guys for your support , im going to do things i like . i signed up for gymnastics,and singing lessons!!!!
I would suggest to take some time away from him. Just don't talk to him for a while. Even if you have to see him (weekends with the band), don't allow lots of time to listen to all of his stuff.
Though it may be hard, force yourself to take some time separate from him. Concentrate on you. Think about what you want. You can spend some time thinking about if you guys should be together. Do you want to be with someone who is not honest with you?
If you two are "meant to be," there will be nothing wrong with taking some time apart from one another to sort your head out.
In lying "not to hurt your feelings," he was grossly underestimating you and treating you like a child, not an adult. I know you must be feeling awful inside, but you're doing all the right things.
What Lisa said. Someone who lies to "spare the other's feelings" is treating that person like a child, and refusing to acknowledge them as a fully capable adult. It's honestly rude to do that to someone, because you are in essence saying you don't think they're capable of handling the truth. What does that say for what he thinks of you?
I think you've done the right thing. At the very least, take some time apart so you can look at it with a different perspective.
OMG - There are so many similarities in what you have said to what happened to me years ago.
My boyfriend was the guitarist in our band - I too lived for the band (I was the singer) - and one day he was on his way for a long weekend out of town and he came over to say goodbye and then told me he was breaking up with me and hooking up with another band member who was one of my oldest friends.
It was tough being around them and for me I was kind of fortunate that all this happened at a time when the other girl left town for a while so I only had to deal with the ex-boyfriend in the band. I guess for me I wanted to keep the connection and loved being in the band so that was my decision. You may find you can't deal with it and move on.
All I ask is that you ask yourself this one question. "Deep down, can I live with my decision?". Not on an emotional level, but on a realistic level. That feeling of attachment and love is difficult to let go of in any situation but especially when you can't make a clean break. If you can calmly and assuredly say you have made the right choice for you - then you are going to be fine.
Only you know if you have made the right choice - its is hard for us to tell that through a forum. If he lied to you and hurt you because of it, regardless of his motives, IMHO you have done the right thing. You would have lost your trust and he obviously doesn't want to be honest with you for whatever reason.
If you two are "meant to be," there will be nothing wrong with taking some time apart from one another to sort your head out.
I concur.
You have options, but in the end, you need to do what is best for you.
There was this guy I was dating. He was completely wrong for me, yet I decided to ignore it. Eventually things got old, and I started to see what it was doing to me, that the relationshipi was unhealthy. Even though I saw that, it killed me to even think about breaking up with the guy (), but a little more time passed, and I finally decided he wasn't worth what I was doing to me or what he was doing to me. Afterwards I hated myself for doing, but deep down I knew I made the right decision. Eventually I moved on.
It's never an easy decision, but in the end you have think about what will, on the whole, be best for you. You deserve more than lies.
So, I'd definitely suggest taking time apart. Get out, do things with friends. Go dancing, blast any type of music that tends to make you feel good, and just do things that will make you feel good (painting nails, fixing your hair - yeah that's a distractor for me - write (if that's something you enjoy), sing, dance, warm bath with good scented candles with relaxing music).
i really posted to vent i didnt think everyone would come by and really help. so this is what has become of my situation . i thought long and hard. took everyone's advice into consideration. i talked to him. really talked . i told him i needed time , that i dont trust him anymore, even over white lies. i said i need a lot of time. i told him i could be his friend . for the band. he said he doesnt care what he is to me now . . . as long as he can still see me. he said he would start all over, from day one to earn my trust back. even if it takes another 9 years. i told him i dont know if we'll ever date again , he just said. you dont expect me to give up that easy do you? . . . anyway . so right now were just friends , nothing more. we hang out , he asks me out to movies and dinner and all the wooing stuff. ha ha . . so what do you guys think. is it strange i really trust your guys' opinions. i know its cause its things i NEED to hear , not just what i want to hear.
im freaking out!!!!!!!!
ok . . . i just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years, ( i've known him since 3rd grade) turns out he has a lying problem. . . i dont know if i made a mistake . i feel horrible i dont know what to do with myself. i feel like throwing up. i need advice . lots of it. .. .
It feels the worst now, but the other gals are right, do all kinds of "YOU" stuff, you'll realize how much you missed it. Plus, when someone is a liar, you don't know when you can trust them, thats gotta lead to jealousy, anxiousness, and all kinds of other negative stuff in a relationship.
............
), but a little more time passed, and I finally decided he wasn't worth what I was doing to me or what he was doing to me. Afterwards I hated myself for doing, but deep down I knew I made the right decision. Eventually I moved on.