[jtammy]

I'm not sure where to post this. I think others who have lost or need to lose 100 lbs or more will understand this.

I suppose this is more of a rant than anything, but something has finally rubbed me the wrong way after occurring several times. This morning, my hairdresser commented on how much weight I had lost. Okay no problem there. Then she asked me what size I was wearing. I’ve known her for years and we’re friendly so I don’t mind telling her. Before I could answer, she asked 12-14. I said that actually, yes I was wearing size 12 pants and size 10/12 shirts. I laughed and said something like good guess. She commented that she recognized it because it was her size. Then she admitted that actually it wasn’t her size anymore, she was wearing size 16s now. What irritated me was when she said “I can’t believe you’re smaller than me now”. As if that couldn’t actually happen….. Well I suspect if she were really honest, I’ve worn smaller than her for the last year, but whatever.

However, this is the third person that has made a comment like that in the last 2 -3 months. The other person was a very good friend who happened to buy the exact same jacket that I did; only I bought it in a smaller size. Yes, I admit that I had noticed hers was a larger size (Our coats were hanging on the same shelf and I guess we both noticed when we were searching for our own coat.), but I didn’t intend to mention anything. But she did later mention. Something along the lines of “I have got to lose some weight, I noticed that your jacket was a smaller size”. It kind of threw me, but I had suspected for a while that I would wear a smaller top than she did, but it didn’t really matter, we’re built quite differently, and since I’ve known her, I’ve always been larger.

The third comment was from a co-worker who has been extremely complimentary about my weight loss and “dedication”. I didn’t really pay any attention to it at the time, but as it continues to occur with more people, I remembered she had commented on the fact that I’m smaller than her now too.

With all three of these people, I know that I am smaller than each of them. Even with the body image issues I have, I can tell that I am wearing smaller sizes than them. Of course, I have worked my tail off to get here, and I realize that I still want and need to lose weight, I'm not at my goal yet.

Why am I writing this? Why is it even bothering me? I’m not sure, but I guess it is just frustrating that people assume I will always be bigger than they are. For some people, I think they may have an actually “image” in their head of how they are supposed to look, and it is always smaller than me. I guess I was the fattest person they ever knew. It's just frustrating!

Can others relate? If so how do you keep it from bothering you? Maybe a need a snappy comment to hang on to next time it happens.

[witchyonadiet]

This is kind of similar to experiences I have had. There are some people who will flat out not talk to me or be less than cordial to me now that I have lost so much weight. I truly believe that when you are way overweight - and insecure and carry yourself that way - some people feed off of that because it makes them feel superior - like the "pretty one" in a group and that they are stronger than you. When you lose weight and become more confident it changes the whole dynamic and some feel threatened or even jealous. It is ridiculous at best - if I know someone who has done something positive for themselves I congratulate them - not envy them.

If someone asks about your size just politely say "I am not comfortable discussing that" or something similar and don't let it get to you.

CONGRATULATIONS on your amazing weight loss and journey !!!!!!!!

[Schmoodle]

I haven't had that exact experience, but maybe the reverse. I have a friend who I've know since middle school and we've always been about the same size. I had a head start on getting so fat though, because I started having my kids earlier than she did. Anyway, now I am several sizes smaller than her and it is awkward. I know she's happy for me and doesn't resent it at all, but I feel funny. I go out of my way to avoid mentioning sizes. We are always letting each other know when we hit a good sale and we frequently place orders together to save shipping costs, and so clothing and sizes does come up in conversation periodically. I think for most of our friends and relations, it's just a matter of adjusting to our new size. We do have an image in our minds of who somebody is and looks are a part of that. I think it takes some time for our mental image to catch up to reality when there are changes. And that's true for my own mental image of myself too. And even as one of the fatter people around, I frequently found myself looking at a large person and trying to figure out if I was larger or smaller than they were. It wasn't badly intended or anything, I think more of just trying to figure out exactly what I looked like.

[Purplefirefly]

I have not been in your situation, but I think you should hold your head high and know that you have gone from the person they thought was "under" them to someone who surpasses them. If that makes them a little insecure about their own weight and gets them hitting the gym...then you have done a positive thing for them.

You have come such a long, hard way, and you should not let their comments get you down. Just smile and move on, knowing you are a better you and that is all that matters. Women compare sizes and bodies, it's just a woman way I guess, and now you are on the smaller side of things...enjoy that! You deserve to be the smaller one for once...you have EARNED it.

I don't know that I would give them a snappy comment, esp. friends who are close to you. I would just recognize the insecurity you might have caused within them and maybe say something along the lines of "yes I'm smaller, but I sure have worked hard for it." Just something that reminds them that you didn't drop weight to out do them, you did it for your own health and you WORKED for it. Nothing to get snappy and ruin a friendship over though, ya know?

Some of the comments you noted just sound like they are realizing in that moment that you are smaller than them...I don't see how that is negative against you. For example with the coat sizes, she probably just noticed it as you did and realized she needed to get her butt in gear maybe. I don't think I would have taken that as a stab at you...you should have felt proud at that. Maybe it's too easy to be sensitive about weight comments because of the weight you started and the hard journey you have gone through? be proud, you have come such a long, long way.

[Heather]

Tammy -- I haven't had people comment like that, but I HAVE noticed that I am smaller than many people now.

I sometimes have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that I am quite a bit smaller than many people I was so much bigger than before. I guess they get taken by surprise too, sometimes!

[Robin41]

I have had this exact situation several times lately. I really think that there are a lot of people who feel they are better than you just because they are the thinner friend. Like it gives them a moral superiority of some kind. When you get down to it, it's really just plain rudeness whether it's a friend or not.

Here's my snappy response, and yes I have actually used it, "Yeh, it must suck being the fat one now." I generally get a rather shocked look in return but I think it makes them realize what they just said.

I don't tend to take a lot of crap from people.

[CountingDown]

I find that many people use the "at least I'm not as fat as" rationalization for justifying their own eating and exercise habits. In fact, if I am honest, I have done so myself. At 200+ lbs. I often looked around the room in social situations to see if I was the biggest person in the room. If I wasn't, I felt better. Lame - I know.
So, when people have seen YOU as that "fatter" person, and they have that rude awakening moment that THEY are now the fatter person, it comes as quite a shock. However, that does not justify their rude behavior, or excuse it.

[OptimistK]

Originally Posted by Robin41

Here's my snappy response, and yes I have actually used it, "Yeh, it must suck being the fat one now." I generally get a rather shocked look in return but I think it makes them realize what they just said.

I don't tend to take a lot of crap from people.

Robin, I love it!!! I had a similar occurence, where a friend said, "There sure is a lot less of you now" followed by a, "I really have got to lose weight now" comment. What the crap is that??? Rudeness indeed.

Why is weight such a touchy subject???

[KO]

I get that a lot! there were a bunch of people who hadn't seen me since last year so I get the "You Look Great. . .I have to lose weight"
I think seeing someone who's accomplished it stirs up so much insecurity
Take heart in your own achievement!

[Trazey34]

Originally Posted by Robin41

I have had this exact situation several times lately. I really think that there are a lot of people who feel they are better than you just because they are the thinner friend. Like it gives them a moral superiority of some kind. When you get down to it, it's really just plain rudeness whether it's a friend or not.

Here's my snappy response, and yes I have actually used it, "Yeh, it must suck being the fat one now." I generally get a rather shocked look in return but I think it makes them realize what they just said.

I don't tend to take a lot of crap from people.

hahahha LOVE IT!!! right on!!!!

ps. my medium-sized friend recently put on about 10 lbs., and lamenting that she's fat as a pig now (about 100 LESS than I am btw) and she says "oh my god i'm soooooooooooo fat.... I'LL BE YOUR SIZE SOON"

[OptimistK]

Originally Posted by Trazey34

ps. my medium-sized friend recently put on about 10 lbs., and lamenting that she's fat as a pig now (about 100 LESS than I am btw) and she says "oh my god i'm soooooooooooo fat.... I'LL BE YOUR SIZE SOON"

Did she really say that Trazey??? I just can't believe it!

[CountingDown]

Originally Posted by Trazey34

ps. my medium-sized friend recently put on about 10 lbs., and lamenting that she's fat as a pig now (about 100 LESS than I am btw) and she says "oh my god i'm soooooooooooo fat.... I'LL BE YOUR SIZE SOON"

Now THAT is rude!

[JayEll]

Originally Posted by Robin41

Here's my snappy response, and yes I have actually used it, "Yeh, it must suck being the fat one now." I generally get a rather shocked look in return but I think it makes them realize what they just said.

I don't tend to take a lot of crap from people.

Gosh, I'm sorry, but that just seems so mean to me. No wonder they looked shocked.

Jay

[sidhe]

Originally Posted by Trazey34

hahahha LOVE IT!!! right on!!!!

ps. my medium-sized friend recently put on about 10 lbs., and lamenting that she's fat as a pig now (about 100 LESS than I am btw) and she says "oh my god i'm soooooooooooo fat.... I'LL BE YOUR SIZE SOON"

WHAT????

"Yeah, it's a pity you don't have the character to handle it."

[kasmin]

I think for a lot of these friends they may not even realize how rude they are being at the time (although Trazey, your friend really takes the cake. It's hard to see how she could have made that comment). I'm sure if it were pointed out to them, they would be abashed at their unthinkingness. And also, anytime someone makes a big change, don't you find that your yourself are impelled to think of changes you can make? I think their comments are more coming from that. It's a testimony on how far you've come and how great you look. And because they know you, it now seems much easier for them to be able to do the same thing (of course not realizing all the internal changes that go along with it). Anyways we should all be proud of the changes we have accomplished thus far, and considering what we already have had to deal with to get to this point, these comments are pretty minor in the big picture, don't you think?