Hi everyone. I've been around the site for quite some time but I've not really been active on this board because my depression/anxiety hasn't been bothering me too much, but today it's out of control. I hope you guys don't mind me joining/posting on this board.
Here's what I am diagnosed with: If you ask my therapist, it's major depressive disorder and PTSD and anxiety. If you ask my pdoc, it's Bipolar Type II, PTSD and anxiety. I guess both carry depression issues with them. I've been on the right medication for me for about the past 3 or 4 years and have been fairly stable. The last time I was hospitalized for depression was in 2002 or 2003, I can't remember.
Anyhow, that's a little background on me. Today...
I have been overwhelmed the past few days. I am in school, I am an English major, which means I have a ton of reading/critical thinking to do. Right now, I am overwhelmed. For the next 4 days (and also today), I have to read over 150 pages a day + go to my classes + work on an midterm essay project. Plus, my dog might have cancer. Plus, my developmentally disabled brother-in-law had an allergic reaction to something and we had to deal wtih medical issues with that...of which time I had planned to have been studying. I'm basically having a meltdown. How is this affecting my weightloss efforts?
Well...today, for an afternoon snack, I went to Cold Stone Creamery and had a medium sized ice cream with all the fixin's. In fact, I came home and added it up and it was 1020 cals, 50g fat worth of afternoon snack. The horrible thing was that I even went in there with the intention of getting something healthy. I even asked for a sample of the nonfat raspberry sorbet. The next thing out of my mouth was "I'll take a medium Founder's Choice." How did that happen?
So, I didn't eat dinner because I'm still full from that evil ice cream and since I am having a meltdown, I took two Ativans and drank 2.5 glasses of wine. I am not feeling suicidal or anything...I don't have a deathwish. I just want to relax. So, I am feeling relaxed, atleast until the Ativan wears off and I realize how much work I have to do tomorrow. I realize that there are other ways to relax: meditation, teas, exercise. But I wanted a quick fix. A simple fix that didn't require any work. Not the healthiest choice, but right now I am having trouble even functioning because of the anxiety/depression.
It affects my schooling because I get overwhelmed because of the workload and can't get out of the house...I skip school and end up doing nothing because I am "frozen."
Is there anyone that can feel me? Am I alone in this? I feel so crazy. Out of control. Like if I can't handle school, how will I handle full-time employment. Right now, I feel like I will feel like this forever. Ugh.