I used to wear makeup, do my hair, wear nice clothes (when I was a reasonable weight). Since then, I don't wear makeup, I go out of the house with messy hair and sloppy sweats and t-shirts. I don't paint my nails or care in any way how I look. I figured out why: I think I am invisible. I think that people don't see me because of my weight, that they look right through me. Does anyone else feel this way?
I'm not sure I think I'm invisible - more the fact that I hope I am. I look like I currently do and all I want is to be ignored/not noticed. I dont wear makeup and I don't really make an effort I guess. I keep thinking 'when I hit the magic number then I'll be bubbly and vibrant and will make an effort'... but this is just something else that I'm going to have to deal with as I'm fully aware that most probably won't be the case lol
Hi! I've struggled with my weight for about 12 years but really started taking a lack of interest in how I looked in 1999 after breast cancer struck and my left breast was removed. Ever since, I've lost all sense of feminity and don't even bother anymore. I don't wear make up and for the most part wear jeans and various men's tees. I wear only 2 pairs of shoes, my Birkenstock sandles and my walking shoes.
And then I am fat. Add it all together and I just really don't care to even try to look good anymore.
Johannah
Hmmm. When I was very overweight, I took *extra* care with my hair and make-up and clothes to detract from my fatness. I still take lots of care with those things. I like to look nice.
Just between us, I tend to think that if you start to take care of your physical appearance and do little things like fix your hair and slap on a bit of makeup and put on real clothes instead of sweats before you leave the house, it helps to change the way you think and feel about yourself. Changing the way you think and feel about yourself--feeling GOOD about yourself, even if you are overweight--will help you to really believe that you deserve to lose weight and feel attractive and to be noticed by the world as a strong woman with dignity and value. There is no reason that an overweight woman shouldn't be able to look nice and feel nice while she's doing her grocery shopping. People will *see* you, too, if you present yourself with confidence. And the appearance of confidence can help to create the real thing, and that can only help you as you continue on your weight loss journey.
It's remarkable what mascara and a manicure can do for a girl Give it a shot. You deserve it!
I completely let myself go for 3-4 years when I was at my heaviest. I was miserable and depressed with my weight and felt fat and hideous. I didn't want to SEE myself, I never looked at myself in a full length mirror or down at myself in the shower, I hated all pictures. I let my hair go long and curly and grey. I wore the same pair of loose fit Eddie Bauer size 18 pants, I wore the same black loafers every day. No jewelry (except a watch), no make up, same ugly black purse, no perfume.
It wasn't that I thought I was invisible and that people saw through me, but that I WANTEDto be invisible and have people not see me. I didn't like myself, care about myself and I hated to look at myself. I didn't think I was worth any effort.
It's a little funny now - I knew when I lost weight I would have to buy new clothes. What I didn't expect was all the accessories for someone who is TRYING to look good. I have a black Kate Spade bag now (and a red Mon Sac purse!). I have tons of shoes, I have 2 different watches, tons of earrings (looove Sundance!). I had to build a complete wardrobe from the ground up - I had nothing.
But I will say that now that I've lost weight I am willing to put more effort into how I look. I care more but I think it is because my self estime is higher now. I don't always put make up (actually I've decided I'm pretty without it) on but I do my hair a lot more (I got a stylish hair cut), I purchased stylish clothing that fit me well. I paint my nails. I just feel better about myself and it makes me want to lose more weight.
I have two younger sisters. There's about a year and a half max between each of us.
I learned to do everything for myself at an early age, because my mom was always busy with my sisters. I learned to make Kraft Mac & Cheese when I was 4 years old! On my own as well! Even got in trouble for it, because my mom thought I was just making pb&j sandwiches when I told her that I was going to make dinner! lol
I never learned to be a girl. I never wore makeup, and whenever I tried it, I always ended up looking like I belonged on the corner of 5th and main.
I cant straighten or even blow dry my own hair, my sisters used to beg me to let them make me look pretty.
Because of all of that, I never really bothered learning to match clothes (jeans go with everything!), wear makeup, or do up my hair. My Fiance actually straightens my hair for me now! (its actually too long for me to reach! just 1.5" above my hips now when straight!)
I just cant be bothered wasting my time trying to look nice, unless its a really special occasion. I tend to think that people see me, they just dont pay attention to me, unless I'm dressed up nice.
But I don't want to be noticed. And even if i did try, it wouldnt work anyway. i dont own any cosmetics at all.
Well, I can see from your pic that you at least have cute hair You're a pretty, sensitive and intelligent girl. I think you should act as though you believe that about yourself (even if you really don't.)
I don't think you have to want to be noticed, but we all deserve to feel good about ourselves, and putting a little effort into one's appearance can really help with that. I just don't see how anyone can feel confident in stained old sweatpants, giant t-shirts and bad hair.
I completely understand about feeling invisible. I thought it was just me who felt that way. I live in New York City and with so many people in one place you would think that it would be much easier to meet people and strike up a conversation but that rarely happens for me. I think a huge part of it is that I am still so uncomfortable with my body and the more weight I lose, the more aware I am of my actual size.
I agree with baffled also, I think the more you take care of your appearance, the better you feel. I wore a summer dress to work last week, and I felt so much better, lighter, and just more attractive in general. I guess for me it's really a matter of finding a look that's simple and feminine, but not too over the top so that I can be consistent.
Being fat is hard work
Trooworld, you are pretty and don't look unkempt at all.
Personally, since becoming fat, I often think that I am at once invisible and hyper-visible, meaning that I am either not seen or I am seen negatively. Then again, I know there are times I look GREAT and people tell me so!
I wear makeup maybe once a month or less and even then, it's just lipstick and mascara. That being said, I am amazed at the difference it can make in how I feel when I put effort into my appearance!
I've figured out why I don't try to look my best.
Give it a shot. You deserve it!
