If you think you might be falling for your best friend... - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

Me23 · 06-19-2007, 06:31 AM

...but aren't sure, should you tell him?

On the yes side -
We are like an old married couple anyway
All the awkward stuff is out the way. We've seen each other more or less nekkid, know each other's annoying habits, have argued, seen each other in a mess, kicked each other out of our college rooms when we had to work...
It might be the best thing I ever do.

On the no side -
He tells me about *all* his crushes, all ten million of them per day, so surely if he fancied me he'd....?
He's nothing like what I imagine my type is.
Should there be more to a relationship than fun and support? Or not? I don't believe in romance, or 'The One'.
Do I even want a relationship?
I have a terrible record re: staying friends with exes.

What should I do?

Casandra · 06-19-2007, 08:11 AM

Do whatever feels right. i never had the chance to find out if my best friend/high school sweetheart would have been my forever, he was killed in a drive by shooting. But now I've found the love of my life, and he is just perfect in almost every way I could imagine.

Getting together with my best friend, we fit so perfectly together, and after he was gone, I thought I'd never find the perfect match again, but I have. I went with my gut and have even moved halfway around the world to be with my new best friend.

Me23 · 06-19-2007, 08:17 AM

oh my gosh, i'm so sorry to hear of his death! but glad it worked out happily for you. i'm going home (to Wales, also!) from college tomorrow but I'll see him during the holiday so I'm going to do a kind of test, I think - when I see him after a break, what do I feel? I think the problem is I don't *know* what I feel, if that makes sense...

lizziness · 06-19-2007, 11:22 AM

I have erm.. been there done that with my best friend and it didn't work out and it ruined our friendship. Of course - a couple things should be advised, it was the end of high school so we weren't exactly mature...

The only advise I have to offer - is to find out the feelings BEFORE having sex. Some guys just won't resist sex, even if it means screwing up a friendship or hurting their best friend. Not ALL experiences are like mine though...

My suggestion is to see how you feel after being apart for a while... and then go from there into a conversation...

Everyone feels different but I imagine that while you're apart you will think about him and miss him and when you see him again you will be delighted and want to be near him.

phantastica · 06-19-2007, 01:52 PM

Once, a guy friend of mine asked me, "How come you and I never got together?" So if you do decide to talk to him about it, I thought that was a good way for him to test the waters.

I'd say go for it. I've had situations where I've gone from friendship to romance and back to friendship, so it doesn't necessarily have to wreck things. But you are taking a pretty big chance of it not working out as friends if you decide to date and it doesn't work out.

Keep us posted!!

Goodbye Chubby · 06-19-2007, 02:59 PM

Years ago, I had brought up the option of going out with my best friend and he replied "It would be wierd." I had left it at that for a while, but the subject came up again, and he said, "Trust me. It would be weird." Within a year after graduating from high school, my friend came out that he was gay, and I was like, "Oh! That's why it would be wierd!"

There's nothing wrong with discussing options with your best friend. One of the perks of having a best friend is that you can talk about anything. Just make sure you have a genuine romantic interest and are not simply taking the next logical step, which was what I was trying to do in my case.

Me23 · 06-19-2007, 04:11 PM

Thanks, that's what I hope to do. Screwing up this friendship would be my nightmare, and though they say it's possible to 'stay friends' after a failed romance I obviously am very bad at it!

Me23 · 06-19-2007, 04:15 PM

oh, sorry, that response was to lizzinness, the others had not appeared yet. Phantastica, I admire you for managing your relationships so well, that you can go back to being friends. i've got to learn that. Goodbye Chubby, that is a very perceptive point about wanting to take the next logical step rather than romance feelings. Like we'll be hanging out and I'll think to myself 'we're just like a couple. Hang on, why *aren't* we a couple?' Maybe I should try to work out why we aren't...

sockmonkey70 · 06-19-2007, 04:54 PM

I would talk to him about it..Since you aren't even sure. If he IS your best friend then just talking about it shouldn't be a problem. I remember my best guy friend in highschool (a year younger mind you but VERY mature) told me AFTER I started going out with someone else that he had the hugest crush on me..He never asked me out though so I will never know if he could have been right for me. It's just funny thinking about going home with him after school and jumping on the trampoline and stuff..to think he liked me that way..

Me23 · 06-29-2007, 11:39 AM

Well, we've been apart for a while now - and I've got to say - I'm glad I kept my mouth shut. I was lonely and feeling vulnerable at the end of last term, I guess. This is not a romance. I love him to bits - but - well...he talks to me with food in his mouth. And I mean, banana pudding.
But thanks anyway. I think sharing this stopped me making a mistake, and it was great to hear your stories!

Goodbye Chubby · 06-29-2007, 03:55 PM

I'm glad to hear you feel like you've made the right decision. Besides, it's not the like the door is shut forever. Who knows what the future holds? But whatever is in store, you'll have your best friend by your side, which to me, sounds ideal.

lizziness · 06-30-2007, 11:40 AM

hehehe. banana pudding. Whenever you do find a man you want to be with - eventually he'll do that too. And worse. Trust me.

I'm glad you made a decision and worked out your feelings - and I agree since it was never spoken about if you do change your mind in the future that door isn't shut.