Not worrying...Finally Free!
Many of you know I have a past record of not sticking to my plans and binging. That I often get mixed up in numbers. And that I left for a month because I got so caught in the dieting thing and worries that I couldn't handle it.
Well, I know it's only been a few days, but I seem to really be doing these changes with ease.
I stopped looking at the calories in the things I eat, I stopped weighing myself. I don't worry about what I'm going to eat. I have more energy now and I'm moving around more. But the best thing about it all is that I'm not worrying...at all it seems.
I feel in control and I feel happy with how I'm doing this. I'm seeing myself for myself now and seeing myself as pretty again. I don't know if I've lost weight (surely not enough to see a difference), but I just now have a better outlook.
And for the first time, I think, ever, I've been seeing food as food. Simply food. Nothing to get excited over.
Here's some examples.
My teacher took me to a little restaurant afterschool (she takes me home), and I chose from the kid's menu. I chose a quesidilla meal. It came on top of some tortilla chips and came with a cookie and a small refillable cup. I got unsweeted tea, ate the quesidilla (it wasn't very big), half of the chips, and the cookie. I didn't feel guilt. I had control in not eating all the chips (I didn't the reason in eating all of them). I just pushed away the ones I wasn't gonna eat. I didn't touch those.
This morning I woke up late and had a mini apple juice and a hamburger bun with a pat of butter for breakfast. I was running late. I would usually eat more. All day I was fine and I didn't feel deprived. I would usually think, "What a waste of a good meal opportunity!" but the thought never even occured.
I got some candy from the teacher (rock candy stick) and I ate a little of it and threw the rest away (cause I didn't want it). I came home and made a rice bowl and was getting to that satisfied point. I stopped eating and threw the rest away!! And the best part is that I didn't feel regret or force myself to do it. I just did it.
It's AMAZING to see how I am treating food. I'm treating it like actual food! Nothing special! Energy!
I'm being satisfied by small meals...I have much more energy...and I DON'T miss any foods or feel like I'm being deprived or left out. The best part is that I'm eating less, too. If I counted calories for the day I am pretty positive it would be less than if I was counting calories in general. I don't abuse this plan because I'm trying to make this a lifestyle.
I even eat when I'm hungry if my body is hungry. I stop when I'm satisfied.
I feel so wonderful and free...and okay with myself. I don't feel guilt or worry.
It's so wonderful. I trust in myself that I'll lose weight doing this...because it's simply a matter of letting my body tell me what it really needs. And it definitely doesn't need or want this excess weight! It tells me when to eat, when I'm full, and when I'm tired. I get to choose the food! It does all the work for me.
^_^
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Hang on to that feeling!
