[Altari]

I identified this as my problem a LONG time ago : Food is too central in my life.

It hit me first as a teenager with an eating disorder. I thought I could control food, but, it really was controlling me.

It came back later, when my husband and I would argue. I reached for food. It was always there for me. It always tasted the same - God forbid it didn't, my mood became worse. It was constant, and kept me happy. Food never 'betrayed' me and it never 'let me down.'

I struggled to make it NOT central, but the more I worked not to obsess, the more important it became.

Somehow, I don't know how, it just stopped being important over the past month and half. Now, I can sit down at the end of the day and say 'I had X.Y.Z for breakfast/lunch/dinner.'

I can not eat because I'm not hungry. Even if everyone else is eating, I can just do something else. There's ice cream sitting untouched in my freezer - it's been there for 3 weeks. There's also a cheesecake in there too. I just haven't had occassion to break it out.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is it helpful in long term success? Every day I'm afraid that this mindset is going to pass, and I'll be right back where I was.

[rockinrobin]

Food has also always been central to my life. From family get togethers and holiday meals. Baking with my nana, in fifth grade when I went through a traumatic (yet common) experience, in high school when my mother went to work full time and she stopped cooking and we ate out literally every evening.
To getting married and having my own home, then being able to eat whatever I wanted, when I wanted, to raising my family and having to make the perfect meals, the perfect holidays and be the absolutely perfect hostess. And all the days in between when I would plot what I would eat next, out of boredom, frustration and just plain old bad habits and not caring enough about me to stop it.

Finally turned it around September 4, 2006. The first 2-3 weeks were EXTREMELY difficult, but got throught it and I have managed to lose over 60 pounds since then. But I gotta tell you I'm just as obsessed with food as ever, if not more so, no definitely more so. I plan constantly and shop constantly, I'm always chopping vegetables and cooking a lot. But at least it's in a healthy way. I have mustered up more willpower these last 3 months then I have had in my whole entire life, I just turned 43. So as far as food still being central to my life it most certainly is, even more so then before.

I wonder if there will ever be a day, or even an hour where I am not thinking and obsessing about food.